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Paternity leave- how much is your other half taking...?(67 Posts)
Currently 36 weeks, expecting our first baby.
Talking about paternity leave with the OH- bit surprised, he's saying that he's going to take 3 days (full paid) PL as the rest of it is statutory and so will have to take salary cut.
I do understand that we need the money, but I feel a bit sad that he'll be back at work a v shirt time after the birth and will miss out on the early days, just enjoying being at home, being a family.
It looks like I'll probably need a CS too although even if I had a 'straightforward' VB I would need help & support at home with the baby.
How much is your other half taking?
Am I being a bit PFB about all this...?!
My hubby is just been made redundant a month ago so hopefully by the time I'm due in April he will be in work again. So I'm not sure if he would be entitled to any thing which is a bit scary but I hope at least the first two weeks or I would feel completely lost lol
I think two weeks to a month is not asking a lot.
DH took 2 weeks for DD (fully paid) and will do the same for no. 2.
He briefly considered taking additional paternity leave (statutory, after 6 months when I return to work) but he works in a bank with a load of dinosaurs who all have stay-at-home wives or nannies or both... and taking anything more than the 2 weeks is highly frowned upon, pretty much career suicide. And a recession is not the time to take such risks.
We don't have a car at the moment, live in urban London so it's not a priority expenditure right now.
So long as I am able to walk & push pram I'm hoping to make it to the park 10 minutes dine the road. Obviously when I'm feeling up to it!
Maybe we'll get snow in January & I'll be housebound so will just have to snuggle on the sofa instead & people will have to come to us and visit!
Thanks for the replies everyone.
Great tips oscarwilde thank you, it's do hard to imagine/visualise what things will be like in a few weeks time!
It's just knowing about those little things, especially making sure you have all your bits & pieces around you before settling down for a feed!
DH had 4 weeks off at full pay after my cs and I really did need him around. A Cs is major abdominal surgery and walking is difficult at first, let alone carrying the baby up and downstairs, bending down to pick things up, turning over in bed to get the baby out of the Moses basket several times in the night etc. also, you won't be able to drive for a few weeks so might feel a bit isolated if dh is out at work all day and you're stuck in the house with a crying baby.
Thank you for all your replies, nice to see there is real variation in how much PL gets taken.
It would be lovely for the OH to take loads of time off & enjoy our newborn together but we have to be realistic in terms of finances.
As it stands his new boss, who is lovely & a mother of 4 herself (includes twins!) has basically said he can work as flexibly as he wants in the weeks following the birth.
My OH is a self-confessed workaholic...it sounds like she has had a word in his ear about everything.
On the plus side, am feeling much more calm about the PL situation, there's no point getting stressed out about it!
My DH was off for 7 weeks after DS was born, but it was down to pure luck really. He is in the army, had 2 weeks PL fully paid, 4 weeks off because the base was closed and 1 week of annual leave so we could go to Ireland to see his family. Although the was away for the last 3 months of my pregnancy, arrived back on the Friday and I gave birth on the Tuesday after. It was amazing, and I fully appreciate it is unlikely to ever happen again.
I would like him to take as much time off as you can afford. Those first weeks are so special and go by so fast.
Dp is taking 4 days starting the day of my csection scheduled for 15th April so he'll also get Good Friday and Easter Monday with us paid as normal
It's early days for us but my dp is self enployed so will probably not have much at all depends what work he has on too
DH is a farmer. Turns out our baby is due at a good time of year (May) - after cattle out and before hay making. This year he took 2 weeks off in May for our wedding & honeymoon, so although he'll have bits and bobs he'll need to do I'm hoping he can be around when I need him - at least popping in regularly! Once Hay making starts though that's him out of the house 7am-9pm every day for a week, so hoping baby on time and hay making late!
OH will be taking 1week if he can. He works in finance and baby is due first week of April so he won't be able to take any more off due to the tax year calender.
This is our second though so it doesnt bother me too much. If it was my first i would be asking him to take a weeks holiday as well.
DH is taking 2 weeks pat leave (full pay) then 2 weeks annual leave when DD2 is born in Jan. DD1 is 2 and I will need a lot of help with her (though she is at nursery 3 days) and am having c section.
If you have local friends to support you it will be fine. With DD1, DH was only off a week, then my mum came for a fortnight. I have to say it was a great feeling when I had my first day alone with DD.
DH taking 2 weeks off in total. 4 days off for the birth when it occurs and then the following as long weekends, monday - Friday.
He is a teacher, so it's easier for him as he has to plan the lessons he needs covering. (I'd rather he be at work than at home flapping).This is obviously subject to change if I need a c-section or there are complications.
When I had DD1 I found this to be preferable, as I quite liked to be on my own with just me and the baby (she will be at school).
I am however 37+2, so it's quite possible that the baby will arrive in the Christmas holidays, which would be a bonus!
DH gets 4 weeks from his company - its a large one.
2 weeks paternity leave and 2 weeks annual leave here. We were both a bit shell-shocked (and knackered) in the early days, and it was definitely easier having him around! When DP went to work I quickly realised that he needed to bring me some breakfast when he had his - as the first day on my own I didn't get anything to eat or drink til 3pm so was almost passing out! Ditto if he can make you a sandwich or something easy for lunch so you can just grab it. Bitesize flapjacks were also a life saver for me in the early days and nights of bfing - I would get a sudden famished feeling and they were just the right hit
Freeze, freeze, freeze as much food as you can for meals in advance.
Good luck op and hope you both get as much time as possible together with the baby.
One more tip. After a CS it's particularly difficult to sit down into a low chair or sofa or bed, you will need to use both arms to lower yourself down. Much the same as you do now as a heavily pregnant woman. Getting back up will be just as awkward with a sensation of "who the hell just kicked me in the stomach".
If you are bfing in bed (home or hospital), try to get yourself sitting bolt upright with a few pillows behind you before anyone hands you the baby. You can slide down and get more comfy afterwards but sitting up again with a baby in your arms hurts. Ditto for remembering remote controls, phones etc. They are always somewhere else as soon as you sit down
Therefore, if you have a feeding chair, you will probably not use it when you are by yourself for a couple of weeks as there is no-where to plonk the baby (unless the coffee table is very large) so you can pick it up again when you are sitting comfortable iykwim? Putting them on the sofa or bed beside you is much easier.
Stick a note beside the doorbell to ask delivery people (flowers) to give you time to get to the door. The sods have always pushed off by the time you do, or else they keep ringing the doorbell and wake the baby. A mate of mine wrapped newspaper around the door knocker and taped it all up with brown sticky tape to muffle the noise she got so fed up!
Best of luck - you'll be fine and on the upside your DH will have lots of holiday left over later in the year when your baby won't be so dependent on you and you can have some time off and leave him to it.
DH will work from home for a couple of weeks but can't take time "off" as he runs his own business
3 days just isn't realistic, sorry. He might start his PL before the baby is even out! I went into labour on a Thu. Baby born on Tue night. Out of hospital the next Thu afternoon. My DP tried to start his PL on the Fri but then it looked like things were progressing slowly (normal to have long initial labour with first baby) so his employers very generously and unususlly allowed Fri to be taken as annual leave. PL started on the Monday. He would've been back at work on the Thu - the day I was discharged with our newborn which I had no idea what to do with, plus hadn't slept since labour started! - if he'd only taken 3 days. Needed his support to get breastfeeding established too. In the grand scheme of things 2 weeks on statutory pay isn't s big deal, you said already you can afford it. He needs to be there to support you and your child.
2 weeks P/L at full pay.
1 week holiday.
1 week working from home.
My DP took 4 months but he works for his own company and we took the hit on wages from savings.
Self employed so barely any. He'll be with me when I have the baby and will take time as and when needed - he works from home so it's fairly easy for him to be on hand as necessary. I imagine that more of his time will be spent placating DD(2) than dealing with me or the baby!
Dh took 2 weeks each time, he only got statutory paternity pay. But I would say check how much it will actually cost you - it turned out to be not as much as we expected, I think because he owed much less tax on the stat pay than on normal salary. And I think he got 1 day full holiday pay?
Thanks for all the responses
oscarwilde thanks v much for the advice & tips for surviving the first few weeks!
Feeling more calm about it all, OH looking to work as flexibly as possible for the first few weeks but he does still have to go into the office.
I guess this is how it's going to be, just want to approach it positively & not get stressed out about it.
Reality check- so many people are much worse off than us, others do not have the luxury of PL due to being self-employed.
Two weeks from the date I get back home after the SC. One week paid (in full) paternity leave and one week annual leave. After that I'm sure he could work pretty flexibly for a few more days as he is fairly senior and his manager is very reasonable and understanding.
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