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how do you feel about having never experienced labour and giving birth?

(58 Posts)
orsettorusso Mon 16-Dec-13 14:26:34

In 4 months I will give birth to twins. It seems likely that they will be delivered by ElCS, as my first child was, due to breech presentation, and I'm pretty sure I won't have any more children. So I tell myself: "all these children and I will never have experienced the pain and joy of giving birth vaginally", which for me will be a huge regret on my deathbed. Even before I conceived the first one, I dreamt of having a home birth, and although I am at peace with the fact that I will never have one, I'm still thinking: "perhaps I could still try this time around for VBAC with twins?". The healthcare professionals at my hospital, as well as my partner and close family are against it, plus I have a very bad relationship with doctors anyway and there would be a huge amount of extra practical preparations and unknowns to worry about.
Like any mother, my priority is to have two healthy babies, and I would choose to have an ElSC as I would never put their health at risk because of my own fixation on a VBAC. But...I tell myself: what if I could protect their health and give myself the joy of giving birth naturally?

Ultimately, I appreciate it is my decision, but I'm looking for other people's stories of being in a similar situation.
What did you tell yourselves to accept that you didn't have the birth you always wanted?

what did you do in the end?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Panzee Tue 17-Dec-13 11:07:19

The question in the title invites us to share our feelings.

darkdays Tue 17-Dec-13 11:10:15

I understand how you feel. I had my twins by cs and I won't be having any more children, I do feel sad that I have two children yet have never even experienced a contraction. My section was necessary for the health of my babies and It was certainly the right thing to do. They are doing great now. But I found the birth and the first few weeks until I got them home quite traumatic. The most important thing is the health of your beautiful babies. Good luck.

Abitannoyedatthis Tue 17-Dec-13 11:20:32

My first child was born by forceps, I had an epidural so didn't feel the last bit of labour or the birth. My second child was born by ELCS after the trauma of the first. I did feel a tinge of regret and my body did feel like it wanted to push a baby out for a few days after.

It is now 14 years since the birth of my younger child and in the great scheme of things the births are relatively unimportant. I would have liked a quick, manageable labour and leave hospital next morning with BF established but it was not to be.

At the time of course the birth is of great importance. I kept the cot card, the umbilical clip etc from the first birth but have no idea even if I still have them. They are unimportant - I have two healthy teenagers and I am more concerned with getting them through education and into rewarding careers.

Physically I am approaching the menopause and can't believe I once had a young fit body! I have regrets about the births I had and no doubt if my daughters become mothers those may resurface, but you move on and find more important things to dwell on.

IHaveSeenMyHat Tue 17-Dec-13 11:20:36

I had some very idealised ideas about "natural" birth before I actually did it too. I was very pro home birth, but wasn't brave enough to go for it so went to a nice midwife led unit, where I had a water birth.

It was easily the LEAST joyful experience of my life.

I coped with the pain with gas and air, but oh my word the contractions were worse than I could have imagined. The pushing stage was agony. I had a third degree tear.

My personal verdict: natural birth is terribly overrated. PLEASE don't regret this on your deathbed OP, the manner in which you give birth is so inconsequential.

orsettorusso Tue 17-Dec-13 23:50:37

msmoss and Biffle-
thank you for what you said...seeing my thoughts written down by someone else is reassuring...Sorry to hear that neither of you had the birth experience they wanted.
I actually saw my consultant today and had a good cry at home which both helped.

DIYandEatCake Wed 18-Dec-13 05:51:44

I can understand how you feel op - I had an elcs for my first (she was breech) and this time round was desperate for a vbac. I hated feeling that dd's birth was essentially done by other people, the clinical nature of it, not being able to hold dd straight away...
I was very lucky and had a straightforward vbac this time - but if I'm completely honest the best thing about it is the recovery. I'm glad I've had the experience but it's made me realise that it's all just a means to an end - i feel no differently about ds than I did with dd, the bondibg's been the same.
Something that helped me come to terms with my elcs first time round was acknowledging that I was being brave for going through the thing I feared most, and putting my baby's health above my own desires. Having had both ways, the elcs was harder emotionally and physically for me, the recovery sucks, I get annoyed when people call it an easy option. I agree with the other poster who said that it's not a choice of cs/vb but of cs/danger to baby, just try to remember the reasons behind it. All the best.

MaryAnnTheDasher Wed 18-Dec-13 06:49:37

I've had 1 emcs, 1 elcs and am due another elcs in 6 months. No part of me longs to give birth naturally. I'm far more focused on how I will cope with the baby itself once it's here!

MickeyBaubles Wed 18-Dec-13 07:54:43

Hello OP


I too am sorry you feel this way.
I had a natural VB for my third - no epidural, no gas and air, not even a damned paracetomol and just a bouncy ball for company.

There was no joy involved. It was horrendous and I am not yet over it.
My biggest regret was not pushing for a CS.

The joy of holding my son however...

Please give yourself a break. Yes there are some women for whom a natural birth is empowering/an achievement BUT there are also many who
have PTSD having been through it.

I wish you the joy of healthy children in your arms who you have carried and protected for 9 months.

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