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when did you tell work?

(35 Posts)
AnnaBanana25 Thu 21-Nov-13 16:37:34

I could use some advice on this! I can get away with quite a bit at work, as I manage my own time and appointments. This means colleagues and bosses haven't had much opportunity to witness my nausea, exhaustion, and preggo brain!

However, a few things are coming up. Next week I have a lot booked in and feel a lot of pressure to perform as normal, but I just don't know if I can. Then there is the Xmas party, where a work friend is insisting her partner drive us as she wants to drink... It'd be easier for me to drive, but how do I explain this?!

I am 8 + 4 and due to infertility issues, I want to keep it quiet so I don't have to backtrack if it ends in MC. Also, our work environment is not confidential, so when I tell my boss, it will need to be when it is ok for everyone to know!!

So what do you think? And what did you all do?

misslaughalot Thu 21-Nov-13 16:45:39

With my first pregnancy I told them at 8 weeks. Then I started to bleed the next day and eventually miscarried. I was glad I'd told work in the end as they were brilliant, giving me an unrequested week off work to recover from the ERPC.

Second pregnancy I decided to wait until after the 12 week scan. DD is playing next to me as I type and I'm back to work on Monday after 13 months off!

misslaughalot Thu 21-Nov-13 16:46:15

Could you not request confidentiality if you wanted to tell your boss but not everybody else though?

AnnaBanana25 Thu 21-Nov-13 16:50:52

I could, but realistically, I know that my boss will tell one of her colleagues. I trust my boss, but not her colleague, as she has broken other peoples confidentiality in front of me.

StillPukin Thu 21-Nov-13 18:13:31

I told my employers straight away but really regretted it because they cut my hours drastically (due to it being a physically demanding job) which obviously cost me money and had a subsequent effect on my Maternity Allowance.

mixi82 Thu 21-Nov-13 18:45:16

I had to tell work straight away, purely because of the substances we use as an engineer as they're potentially harmful to unborn children. Only downside was that other people I work with started finding out and saying, "congrats" and things and I didn't want them to know really, at least not until the 12 week point. So, the way I see it is, if you NEED your employer to know or you feel that any work you're going to carry out could be potentially harmful to your baby, then just let the boss or line manager know. As for the work's do, you can simply just say that you don't want to drink because you have plans earlier the next day, or perhaps you don't feel like drinking and want to save it for Xmas with the family, or even that you just don't want to drink - your friend's partner can still drive and you not drink?

Alexchallex Thu 21-Nov-13 20:14:34

Told them at 8 weeks as was meant to be going on an outdoor activity trip and couldn't think of a good excuse. Told my big boss before the scan as I needed time off and they wanted to see hospital letter. Say you are on antibiotics and can't drink for the do x

wispaxmas Thu 21-Nov-13 22:28:00

I told my employer today, at 12+2. They need to do risk assessments for your work conditions and stuff, and they can't discriminate against you because you are pregnant. I'm not sure how it works if you aren't contracted for a certain nUmber of hours per week (which I assume is the case with you, stillpukin), but if your work has hazards that they cannot remove you from, by law they would have to suspend you WITH pay. Stillpukin, if they cut your hours to less than you are contracted, that's actually illegal.

AnnaBanana25 Fri 22-Nov-13 07:43:26

Thanks guys! I think what I'll do is wait until the 12 week mark to tell. If anything comes up and I'm really struggling, I can then decide to tell earlier. I like the excuses... I'm terrible at lying but sure I can make plans the next morning to sound realistic.

jaykay987 Fri 22-Nov-13 09:06:40

Everyone on here seems to have told work early or around 12weeks.

Has anyone gone the other way...and told as late as possible?

Im really worried about telling due to career issues. Im currently on a good role and don't want them to take it away from me whilst I am coping (it also has a preferable commute for me). My job is fairly male led at the best of times, so whilst I don't feel I need a risk assessment and am able to cover both my growing stomach and the job - Im hoping not to tell. I am also aiming to go for promotion this year (annual cycle so application dates are set in stone), and I have already started collating support from senior staff (I need written support in order to apply) - which I presume they cannot retract after they find out Im pregnant?

So in an ideal world...if my stomach plays ball...Im hoping to keep quiet until Im 20 weeks.

theborrower Fri 22-Nov-13 09:13:43

Last time I told my line manager at around 10 weeks but that was because I needed time off for my scan (you get special leave for antenatal appointments, so don't have to use holidays) and also because my work often involves moving heavy boxes of print and I was feeling achey.

This time I told my line managers at 4 weeks, which I know is ridiculously early, but I was already feeling rough with nausea and tiredness, and I still do heavy boxes. I'm glad I have though, because she's helped out with the heavy stuff, and is understanding if I'm feeling green and sitting snacking. That said, she's a mum of two so is understanding anyway.

Jaykay - I would think that they can't take back any promotion because it would be discrimination, but I know the real world doesn't always stick to the rules.

impatientlywaiting Fri 22-Nov-13 09:36:35

Jaykay I told my work when I was 16+6. I started a secondment with a brand new team when I was 10 weeks and wanted a bit if time to her to know people and my new boss. My figure has changed a lot, but I wasn't too worried about them spotting as they hadn't known me pre-pregnancy. I think I could have got away with not telling them until I was 20 weeks, but I think if I was with my old team someone would have guessed much sooner than that.

Meglet Fri 22-Nov-13 09:44:19

8 weeks both times due to illness. TBH I was in maternity trousers by 10 weeks so there wasn't much hope in hiding it for very long anyway. Work were fine and sorted out risk assessments straight away.

The one time I didn't mention a pregnancy I had a miscarriage in the toilets at work at 6 weeks. Then went back to my desk as if nothing had happened. In hind sight it wasn't the best idea internalising it like that, especially as work would have been lovely to me.

StillPukin Fri 22-Nov-13 16:30:15

Wispaxmas Thanks, I am zero hrs contract which is why they've been able to cut my hrs. But its so frustrating, I've gone from between 5-7 shifts per week to about 1 every couple of weeks. Its a good job its not our sole income but it is still financially crippling.

wispaxmas Fri 22-Nov-13 18:00:20

Oh, that's rubbish! Zero hour contracts are NOT pregnancy friendly. I've got a zero hour job, too, but because I'm living nearly full time outside the UK for a few months at the minute I'm only able to work 1-2 shifts a month anyways and am looking at plain old maternity allowance because I had to resign my permanent full time job 6 weeks ago (but was working in that job for more than the year previous) to follow my H abroad for his work.

Romily Fri 22-Nov-13 18:16:42

I told work just after my 12 weeks scan although if I had been struggling I would have told them sooner.

CrazyThursday Sat 23-Nov-13 08:47:05

I think legally you have to tell them by the 15th week before the due date (so around 24 weeks).

I looked a bit fat (ie chunky everywhere) until about 14 weeks but had a definite bump by about 16 weeks so there's no way I could've not told them for that long.

I told a trusted colleague at 10 weeks, then my boss and team at 13 weeks after I'd had my scan and told close friends and family.

MrsA2 Sat 23-Nov-13 09:26:13

I'm planning to try and get past the Christmas break, so I'll be about 14 weeks. It just won't be kept confidential once I tell my boss so I want to be sure. If anything were to go wrong I'd try to avoid work knowing if at all possible as don't want my career opportunities to be affected (they'd write me off as 'likely to get pregnant soon').

January does feel ages away though and I'm having to find plenty of non-drinking excuses for the various work festive get-togethers...

EeyoreIsh Sat 23-Nov-13 16:05:47

I told my boss early (about 6/7 weeks) as I had bleeding and had lost a baby earlier in the year, so I wanted to take it easy. He was a bit rubbish but agreed with what I suggested e.g. focusing just on priorities at work.

I then didn't tell anyone else until 17+ weeks. It worked well for me, my boss knew so I had agreement for reduced duties, but no one else knew. To be honest, most colleagues have only just noticed in the last month (from 23 weeks onwards) and I prefer it that way.

TheRaniOfYawn Sat 23-Nov-13 17:53:30

I told mine at 8 weeks as I vomited all over myself on the way to work and had to go back home and change clothes and have a shower so was an hour late on a day when I had a lot on. Any other excuse would have liked a bit feckless.

Nulanoo Sun 24-Nov-13 18:37:14


Well we got our bfp yesterday which was a little surprising as we thought we would have a break ttc as I start a new job in January. We are so so happy though, this will be our first. Really not sure how I'm going to tell them or when?!?


sdaisy26 Sun 24-Nov-13 18:45:37

First time I told my boss just before 12week scan as needed time off, went 'public' at 14 weeks. This time waited til 16 weeks to tell anyone - I didn't particularly enjoy some of the fuss people make once they know last time so was happy to keep quieter a bit longer (plus my role was changing a bit so I wanted that sorted first before they knew I was pg).

Cannotbelieveit Sun 24-Nov-13 23:56:39

Just told at 18 weeks as I'm still on mat leave from dc1 and will be going back shortly (only for a few months tho) grin

Mrsantithetic Mon 25-Nov-13 00:01:25

I told my boss when I was 6 weeks as I needed to be removed from a violent client immediately. He has a tendency to kick women in the stomach to burst their womb so I didn't want to risk it. Now I'm self employed so next time it will be completely different.

CointreauVersial Mon 25-Nov-13 00:08:30

For my first I didn't tell my boss until the 12 weeks had passed (actually, he guessed when we were at a posh dinner and I passed on the red wine and cheeseboard).

For my second (different job, a**ehole boss) I managed to keep it quiet until I was 5 months gone (complicated reasons). It was tricky, but luckily I had a compact bump. Once the news was out a few people said they thought I was getting a bit porky, but no one actually guessed.

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