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At what stage did you tell work that you were pg?

(82 Posts)
Mitchell2 Fri 01-Nov-13 11:01:40

In a bit of a quandary - am 7+4 today and really not feeling the greatest. I am on the verge of telling a select few at work so I can take it a bit easy WFH etc. I don't have any concerns re reactions to it - e.g. I know that I am not going to be discriminated, they will be v supportive etc but I just feels a bit wrong telling them so soon as the old rule of thumb is after the 12 week scan.

Oh and we are also going to be doing our planning for 2014 in the next few weeks and my absence is going to be material so I kind of want to be able to share this with at least a few people so we can plan effectively.

Interest to hear what others did and why....

AShowerOfBastards Fri 01-Nov-13 11:09:16

I told them the day aftr my 12 week scan both times, although the first time a few people had already guessed they were very good and didn't own up to having guessed until I made it public knowledge myself.

There were a few instances where I felt awkward knowing I wouldn't be around for certain things but it worked out ok in the end.

I suppose if you are sure they will be fine about it and you know your absence will be significant then they may appreciate an early heads up if you feel comfortable doing so, but you aren't obliged to so it comes down to what youi feel most comfortable doing.

Emilycee Fri 01-Nov-13 11:19:38

I told my manager at 8 weeks because I felt so utterly dreadful and all was fine. I didnt have the option to work from home but she did get off my case a bit which definately helped!

SicknSpan Fri 01-Nov-13 11:28:21

I told work really early because I was so ill with hyperemesis. About 7 weeks. This made things much easier to plan and my boss really appreciated the early warning (it's quite likely I will be off for a great deal of this pregnancy as I was was with previous 2 dc). Like you I was not concerned about discrimination and trusted my boss to be discreet without making him swear an oath!

MissHC Fri 01-Nov-13 11:58:28

I told them early on. At about 6/7 weeks. I felt horrendous and had to take a couple of days of before that due to morning sickness and I didn't want to my sickness record to go against me.

Only told my manager and she only told HR and her manager, none of my colleagues - she was amazing about it. Very supportive.

I was glad I told them because it only kept getting worse and my manager told me to take it easy and to stay at home whenever I needed to.

I would tell them because you're much more protected - they can't sack you for pregnancy related illness.

And congrats! smile

oscarwilde Fri 01-Nov-13 12:08:56

12 weeks and not before here unless you really need to.
If you do tell just your line manager, I would also make sure your HR team know, make sure you also confirm it in writing and send a copy to a personal email account.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Fri 01-Nov-13 12:12:20

I told straight away with DD1 because I was working with dangerous products and had to be removed from the field and sat in an office instead.

BEEwitched Fri 01-Nov-13 12:13:58

I told work as soon as I knew, a) because I knew I wouldn't be able to do certain things anymore, e.g. lifting stuff and b) because I needed to take time off for appointments.

I told a few colleagues once I'd had a positive scan at around 6-7 weeks and by now everyone knows (10 weeks), but I had to be signed off sick so it was harder to keep it quiet.

Thumbfuckerwitch Fri 01-Nov-13 12:14:09

With Ds1, I told my boss when I was about 7w pg, because I was in work and having really bad nausea and faintness. She used to be a MW, so I also thought it might be an idea to ask her if she thought it was all perfectly normal. It was only that day, though, never had it as bad afterwards!

Wasn't working when pg with DS2 so not an issue.

HappyAsASandboy Fri 01-Nov-13 12:19:35

At about 15 weeks for me. I didn't want to tell anyone until after 12 week scan, and that landed me right in appraisal time! I decided I'd rather know that my assessment was unbiased, so didn't tell them until appraisals were all done.

Some planning had been done, but they covered my leave so he did that work.

Peanutsmummy2be Fri 01-Nov-13 12:23:02

Hi Mitchell2
Congrats thanks
I had to tell my work really early, around 6 weeks because i'm a nurse & there were a few patients i couldnt care for due to violence & bugs etc. They were really good about it & made sure i wasnt doing any heavy lifting or put in dodgy situations xx

jazzcat28 Fri 01-Nov-13 12:24:36

I told my day to day senior colleague (not line manager) at about 9 weeks as I had to duck out of a meeting to attend my booking in appointment with the midwife. He was very supportive and agreed to keep the news to himself until I felt ready to share. The day after the 12 week scan I told the rest of my team and my line manager. Several people had guessed but kept it to themselves until I'd confirmed.

If you're feeling ill then it might be best to confide in someone, so that they understand why you're feeling rough and might need to wfh?

Also your employer legally has to consider you and your unborn baby's safety and welfare from a risk assessment point of view (which can include travel to work, working hours, workload etc) but they cannot do so until they are formally told you are expecting. So it might be better to tell?

Meglet Fri 01-Nov-13 12:51:59

8 weeks both times as I was ill. It made more sense to tell my boss and close work colleagues at that stage than casual friends or relatives. Work were all lovely about it. I had to tell my aerobic instructors straight away too.

I told people on a 'need to know' basis.

morgs22 Fri 01-Nov-13 12:58:44

I told 1 of my managers last week as im off this week and have my scan on Monday, I was 11 weeks and didn't want to tell them till after the scan but unfortunately they wouldn't give me the time off unless I showed them the hospital letter to prove I had an appointment. I was told that shed have to tell my other managers for my own safety, I said I didn't want anyone else to know until im ready but they're a gossipy bunch of harpies so gonna see how many people know when I go in Monday afternoon. I can feel a lot of HR meetings coming lol

delasi Fri 01-Nov-13 12:59:07

I work in a very small team, so the main person above me is the director. I told her almost immediately as I knew - about 6wks. The main reason being the impact that my pregnancy could potentially have from the beginning. I run a lot of our day-to-day stuff. I knew I would need to rearrange days or take time off for appointments, I might get awful sickness... I also do lots of different things in my job, some of which involved heavy lifting or going up ladders, so I was a bit nervous.

This might sound terribly pessimistic - I don't want to put any negativity in this amazing time for you! - but I was very nervous about the possibility of miscarrying due to an existing health condition. I just sat down, thought about it carefully, and realised that if that did come to pass, I would need time away, and everything would be much clearer if my director already knew that I was pregnant.

In the end I did have horrible 24/7 sickness and nausea from 7wks to 14wks, and my director was very understanding of my need to go outside for fresh air or run to the bathroom! And I went on to have a beautiful baby boy smile

However as I work in this small team we are all so close and I could trust my director not to share the news with anyone. If I had been in my previous job (massive team, stressful place, not so nice) then I would have been more nervous, but I think in the end I would have opted to tell my line manager as soon as possible for the reasons mentioned above. As much as I didn't enjoy that job, I know my line manager wouldn't share such information with colleagues as I had to previously make private arrangements with her due to my existing condition, and I would think that the vast majority of (if not all) managers would understand the confidential nature of such information.

I didn't tell anyone else (except parents and siblings) until after the 12 week scan.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 01-Nov-13 13:11:42

I told my boss and 3 colleagues two days after I got my BFP. I only did this for health and safety reasons though due to health problems I have which can be affected by pregnancy.

WillYouDoTheFandango Fri 01-Nov-13 13:12:13

I went in to tell work when I was 10 weeks and needed a day off for the 12w scan. Unfortunately that day half the workforce was made redundant and I was put into consultation. I got my job and was then terrified to tell them. I eventually did so at 20weeks. I was enormous and my manager said she thought I must've been pregnant as I'd been making some questionable clothing choices grin

Allegrogirl Fri 01-Nov-13 13:21:06

I told my immediate colleagues at about 7 weeks as a had dreadful nausea and was exhausted. I didn't take any time off but they picked up the slack until I felt better (about 4 months later). I told the rest of the office after the 12 week scan. They said they hadn't guessed but it did explain why I was such a dreadful colour.

WhatWillSantaBring Fri 01-Nov-13 13:27:51

I didn't tell work for pg no 1 till the 12 week scan - despite having to go home a few times due to sickness in the early days. I didn't tell them for pg no 2 either, so when I had a missed miscarriage diagnosed at the 12 week scan, it was a really really difficult conversation to have with my boss, as I was in floods of tears, totally not ready to talk about it, but had to phone in to explain I was not coming back into the office, would be off for a few days (surgery required).

So by this pregnancy I decided it was easier to say something at the very start, and also remembered that telling people does not jinx things! Because I'd have to tell my boss whatever the outcome it was never like I'd have to "untell" him. And it made it a lot easier when I had a bleed at 6 weeks as I just had to send a one line email, saying it was going wrong, I'd let him know asap. (Luckily with a follow up one liner the next day saying "all good- heartbeat seen" smile). And its been lovely having his support.

Unless I thought I was worried about (subtle) discrimination (such as a promotion/pay rise chance that I could legitimately not get anyway) I would always tell my line manager asap. If you don't trust them to keep silent, I'd do it in writing, cc'ing HR with the words "Medical in confidence" plastered everywhere.

I'm 32 weeks now and its definitely public knowledge - though I didn't tell people till about 14 weeks. One colleague didn't "tell" people till she was 20 weeks, which was frankly idiotic because it was so blindingly obvious.

Mitchell2 Fri 01-Nov-13 13:29:59

Thanks for all the responses and well wishes.

delasi - you make a good point and I was thinking that if the worst happened I would need to tell my boss anyway as I probably would need time off (and wouldn't want to have to tell / un-tell at that time).

I think am going to bite the bullet and tell him today. I have the added stress of the fact he is US based but I know quite a few of his team over there have been preggers so he is used to it by now! Going to tell my local HR bod but not let my team or anyone else know just yet.

WhatWillSantaBring Fri 01-Nov-13 13:30:15

Oh, and I would always try to tell if there was a reduncancy process going on, because a lot of employers are terrified of making pregnant women redundant (AND you get special protection when you're on maternity leave!).

Mitchell2 Fri 01-Nov-13 13:46:51

Thanks WWSB - I def think that I would have an issue with telling/untelling at same time, and I really want to make it clear re my career development that this joyful blip shouldn't affect the plan smile

Oh and lucky I know there are no redundancies as I would be involved in the process anyway!

Catsby Fri 01-Nov-13 13:52:21

I told at about 6-7w. I was so sick, and so tired, and it just seemed better to tell. I'd worked there a long-time so I was friends with my manager which helped, but being practical I wanted a H&S assessment and I wanted any sick days to be pg sick days, as they're different.

GreenShadow Fri 01-Nov-13 14:23:00

With DS2 I managed to keep it secret until sometime after 20 weeks. Luckily I never get very big, so hid it with a loose top over an elastic waist skirt.

I had an annual report approaching and was keen that any possible recommendations for promotion were not influenced by a pregnancy.

GwenStacy Fri 01-Nov-13 14:24:03

I told my manager at about six weeks as we had just had another woman on our (small!) team go on maternity leave, and whilst I know it's jot really my problem, I wanted him to have as much notice as possible, as it meant we had to get someone in and trained up - as a team, we can cover one person being off, but two would never have worked!

I have a good relationship with him anyway, but he was really supportive and I liked the fact that someone at work knew, so that if there were any issues or problems, he'd be aware :-)

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