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How to deal with unwanted bump touching.

(41 Posts)
sunshinemeg Wed 30-Oct-13 15:17:36

I need tips please fellow pregnant ladies. This is my firs pregnancy. I'm 23 weeks and most definitely showing.
My problem is, I honestly don't mind DH touching bump, that's a good thing and I love it when he does.
BUT that's it. I don't like anyone else doing it, especially when not asking first. How do I deal with it?
Saw MIL last week after they had been away 3 months, I was one step in the door and her hands were there. hmm No asking first, and when I seemed a little unimpressed by it (I did my best not to be obvious about my feelings) she said "well what did you expect?" As if it's my problem and that's it!
Help please!

gemmal88 Sun 03-Nov-13 10:24:59

I genuinely do not understand why people feel the need to do this.

It's not like having a cuddle of the baby, it's just weird.

I'm only 13 weeks and not showing (a bit cuddlier but no bump!) and a woman I know touched my stomach. Very, very strange.

Xenadog Thu 31-Oct-13 22:07:49

I don't mind friends asking if they can touch my bump - I will happily let them but if strangers or even people whom I know (but aren't friends) tried to touch me then they would get a mouthful. They won't be touching my baby randomly when she arrives so why on earth do they think they can touch my body which encase the baby at this stage?

I don't care if I offend people as after all they aren't worried about offending me by touching me are they?

Julietee Thu 31-Oct-13 13:52:09

First of all, it's not ok if you don't like it, and you shouldn't have to just put up with someone violating your boundaries.

Could you wear a long, loose cardigan that hangs over the bump so it's no so tempting and out there?

I'm not a social hugger and, by standing back at hugging time, people in my (not immediate) family have got that it's not me and I rarely get an attempt now. Maybe a similar tack would work.

Emilycee Thu 31-Oct-13 11:34:53

I LOVE the 'Fuck off' t shirt! ha ha ha!

misskatamari Thu 31-Oct-13 08:55:25

I personally don't mind friends and family touching mine but know many people find it uncomfortable.

I'm a teacher and a super excited year 10 even had a pat recently whilst squealing in excitement - which was just really sweet.

One lady in my dept (who is kind of the department "mum" to is all) is always having a stroke and she got muddled up recently and started stroking my arse instead - rather amusing!

I do like the advice of doing it back to them of you don't like it grin

MightilyOats Thu 31-Oct-13 08:37:34

Get your own back if you breastfeed by doing what my friend does and saying 'that's my breastmilk on your arm/shoulder/chest' when baby inevitably voms on them... grin

ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow Thu 31-Oct-13 08:23:09

I hate bump touching from anyone except my DH and DS! I think it's terribly intrusive and presumptive for people to just cop a feel, whatever their relationship!
Glad you sorted it out with your DH and mil!
I don't actually understand the posters who think your body is public property just because you are pregnant!!

sunshinemeg Wed 30-Oct-13 23:10:18

Just left family meal, reading the latest comments really made me giggle. MIL wants to bond? Tough!!
Love the last comment about if you didn't put it in there. Lol.
I used DH as a barrier and kept my hand in the way. Didn't feel comfortable telling MIL to keep hands off but she didn't try again so it turns out DH had told her to keep hands off for me. grin

Jolleigh Wed 30-Oct-13 23:08:31

MrTumbles - LOVING the tits analogy. I may have to steal that one grin

greentshirt Wed 30-Oct-13 22:52:06

I read on here the other day 'if you didn't put it in there and you won't be the one getting it out of there don't touch it!'

MrTumblesKnickers Wed 30-Oct-13 22:51:24

OP I didn't mean to suggest you had layers of fat, btw!

MrTumblesKnickers Wed 30-Oct-13 22:50:52

Her little GC in there and she wants to bond. What's the problem?

Are you seriously suggesting the MIL can bond with her future baby through layers of abdominal fat and uterus?

Without wanting to get too serious, the 'problem' is that from a young age we're taught that our bodies are ours and we're in control of who touches them. Suddenly when we get pregnant this all goes out the window and it feels like we're fair game and if we don't like people touching us we get eye rolls and told to lighten up.

I'm also proud of my bump, but I'm proud of my tits too and the same rules apply to them!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 30-Oct-13 22:43:28

Nobody ever did this to me. hmm

That said, my resting facial expression is 'Death Stare'

Agree with everyone that said NOBODY should do this and it is completely unacceptable to touch someone's body without (preferably written) permission. Pregnant or not.

AnyFuckerWillDo Wed 30-Oct-13 21:38:19

I wouldn't be unimpressed with MIL either!! Oorrhh seems abit cruel. Her little GC in there and she wants to bond. What's the problem?
I showed both my bumps off with pride and wouldn't of bothered if the postman copped a feel so suppose I'm different x

pumpkinsweetie Wed 30-Oct-13 21:32:16

Get a fly swatter from poundland grin No explaining then, just swat em!

sporktacular Wed 30-Oct-13 19:17:04

Yep, I'm gonna go with "poke you in the eye with a fork". Even for grandparents. What is all this "wouldn't take the hint"? Stop hinting, start stabbing with forks! I do not get why people think it is ok to touch people without permission, if anything even less so if someone is pregnant. If you really need to be really polite, say "Please don't touch me" with a good stare/cat's arse face. But only if you really really need to not stab them with a fork.

Panzee Wed 30-Oct-13 18:59:49

"You just touched my uterus" ?

KnickersOnOnesHead Wed 30-Oct-13 18:57:46

Tell anyone who tries 'do that again and I will poke you in the eye with a fork'. Works for me grin

sunshinemeg Wed 30-Oct-13 18:52:25

Off to a family meal now with the in laws, will attempt to be more to the point and request no bump touching. Although I'm quite tempted with putting DH on hand swatting duty.
Will share how it goes

dimdommilpot Wed 30-Oct-13 17:26:09

Yes do it back! It never happened to me last time and I'm not yet showing but if people take it upon themselves to touch me i would certainly do it back!!

steth Wed 30-Oct-13 16:45:55

next time this happens just reciprocate with a swift grab of their balls or fanny - that'll sort them out ;-0

But seriously i would just say 'excuse me do you mind?' of course with a cats arse face for effect ;-)

NoIHaventHadTheBabyYet Wed 30-Oct-13 16:43:16

I hate it too, my csection scar is only a year old and is painful, if you touch my tummy I might piss myself as I am huge and I just hate it.
Buy this?

Jolleigh Wed 30-Oct-13 16:42:15

MrTumbles - not a chance I'd put my face near it with the hundreds of thousands of people who've kissed it wink Traditionally though, yes you're right.

Chocolatemolehill Wed 30-Oct-13 16:40:48

Maybe just ask them politely, with a smile, and explain that you don't like it/it makes you feel a bit awkward? Many people are just a bit nuts about pregnancy and babies and want to show their enthusiasm (without thinking too much before that). They mean well. But of course you have the right to establish your personal boundaries.

Stom91 Wed 30-Oct-13 16:40:00

Ooh that's would anger me too
Yeah someone at work used to do it all the time and that was before I had a big bump I was only just showing. It used to piss me off but she's never get the hint
Glad I'm on mat leave now and no one bugs me haha

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