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How to tell midwives I want to bottlefeed without a lecture.

(85 Posts)
Frecklesandspecs Sun 20-Oct-13 19:58:38

Ok please no lectures! I know its sensitive!

I'm due next week with dc 3.
I tried breast feeding both dc1 and dc2 and mixed fed for a few weeks. However I did not enjoy it and struggled. I ended up going bottle after a while and never had any issues with either.
Both did great and that suited me.
This time I just want to be realistic. I have a dc2 year old and dc 4 year old. I walk everywhere at the moment and take dc2 to nursery every afternoon.
even now I honestly feel there are too few hours in the day.
I get stessed out if I haven't got what needs to be done done and I get t sit down for the first time about 7pm as that is when the kids go to bed.

Anyway. I'm stressing out now about what everyone is going to say if I say I want to bottlefeed straight off.

what makes it worse is that Dh s family always ask me(they're Nigerian) and would be highly unimpressed if I went straight on bottle. (Dh himself just leaves it up to me!)

I'm worried about getting remarks and lectures about it at the hospital too.

should I just stand my ground or tell them I Will try to keep them off my back?

and no, I have never felt guilty about it. I just would rather do what I know I can do and cope with in the situation.

what makes it worse is that dh's family always ask me about it worse(

terilou87 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:08:43

Don't feel bad, when mw asks tell her you've tried previously and you don't get on with it and that it doesn't feel right for you. Tell her your aware of the benefits it has for dc but you don't want to do it.
Iv also tried and failed twice to bf. I told my mw the above and she was fine.
Don't have any experience with telling family. Maybe get dp to tell them as its his family smile

CoconutRing Sun 20-Oct-13 20:08:56

How you feed your baby is entirely up to you. Tell your DHs family to wind their necks in and keep out of your business. As for MWs, look them straight in the eye and say I will not be breast feeding. No further discussion.

Why do you care what other people say? If anyone attempts
to lecture you, put your hand up and say "can I stop you there" and just walk away!!

sonlypuppyfat Sun 20-Oct-13 20:13:02

I always think BF is far easier no faffing, but you are not a child and don't put up with being talked to like one. You have decided what you want to do, tell them that you have and to get off your back.

Mogz Sun 20-Oct-13 20:13:11

Just tell your midwife, she may feel duty bound to explain the benefits of breat feeding, but just firmly tell her tht you're aware but flyer previous attempts with your other DC you've decided that formula will be best for you. It is no bodies business but your own how you feed your baby, you simply must do what is best for you.
It must be harder with family questioning you but again, firm, calm and with a smile. It's better for you and your gorgeous new baby if you're not stressing out and the baby will be well fed and have everything it needs including a happy mum!
Best of luck with your new baby, hope it doesn't keep you waiting too much longer smile

Frecklesandspecs Sun 20-Oct-13 20:14:16

thankyou. I am just one of those silly people who does I guess. I am not very assertive when people are on my case. I really wish I was. maybe I Will be after the birth and there are no beds left on post natal!
can't wait now but this was niggling me as they just kept on with the other two which in turn made me more defiant!

comewinewithmoi Sun 20-Oct-13 20:19:39

Just be firm and say I've had two babies, I've made my choice.

When I had dc4 in hospital, the very stern mw wanted me to give ds a bottle, I stood my ground. She also wanted me to have some injection to prevent blood clots cos I'm fat I firmly declined.

Frecklesandspecs Sun 20-Oct-13 20:20:13

son. I agree it must be for some mums and I think its wonderful to feel natural about it. I don't know why I don't feel that way.
it was actually a huge chore for me and didn't enjoy it one bit. I wonder if that is selfish but I would rather feel happy and unstressed about it.

comewinewithmoi Sun 20-Oct-13 20:20:33

As for anyone else, it's no their business.

Frecklesandspecs Sun 20-Oct-13 20:23:24

comewine, yes it works both ways! by your 4th surely they should have learnt to leave you alone!

My mum had 5 of us and my dad was a medical dr and she said even by tbe 5th they were still on her case!

comewinewithmoi Sun 20-Oct-13 20:26:35

Do you know freckle, I'm with your parents. I found with my 4th the midwives were on my case all the time. Tbf, I'd gone from a lovley home birth with no3 to being in hospital due to diabetes and I was on medication that I shouldn't have been on(the doctors/mw made a mistake).

comewinewithmoi Sun 20-Oct-13 20:26:59

So they were worried about diabetes.

Frecklesandspecs Sun 20-Oct-13 20:34:13

Gosh that's scary! comewine. I m just hoping this one Will come fairly quickly and easily like no2!
I take it your no3 was a good birth!

Frecklesandspecs Sun 20-Oct-13 20:36:37

sorry for typos (as always) I am rubbish at posting with phone!

Thurlow Sun 20-Oct-13 20:38:17

Just smile, say that yes, you know the benefits but you have tried it after all and you've made the decision that you feel is best for you and your family.

Just remember to take some bottles and cartons in with you on the off chance that you need to stay in for a little while. I assume that the baby will want a feed right away?

I was terrified about this before giving birth as even with DC1 I had made the decision that I wanted to bottle feed and thought the midwives would give me a hard time. Turned out to be a wasted worry as DD ended up in NICU (nothing serious) and they wanted to get her fed straightaway and no one questioned going straight to formula.

Your baby, your body, your decision. Stick to your guns, be firm and polite.

Xenadog Sun 20-Oct-13 20:38:52

OP you just need to stand your ground and be firm. "No, I am not breast feeding. I understand there are some benefits but I consider my happiness and mental well-being also to be important for successful bonding with my baby and so I will be bottle feeding. Thank you for your concern."

This can also be applied to family members too.

It's no one else's business so do what you know is right for you.

Sammi1986 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:39:34

I'm expecting my first, and I really don't want to bf. So far my mum is the only supportive one, and I haven't even told the MW. Partner is a nurse who's worked with midwives so he is very pro boob. I was talking about it with a friend and said I may change my mind when the bean is here, but if it's not for me I'm not going to stress. She was very cutting and said I was "defeatist" and "failing before I try"...

CoconutRing Sun 20-Oct-13 20:47:24

Sammi - your DP can be pro-boob all he likes. It's still YOUR boob and it's up to you if you decide to use them.

Frecklesandspecs Sun 20-Oct-13 20:51:58

thanks for making me feel empowered mns!
I Will be honest (depending on how scary the midwife is!)
I think it is a very personal thing.
I think the pushiness can work both ways too btw.
sammi, I hope you get to do what you feel best too and ignore the rest..
I definately think it should be encouraged (naturally) but I think the pushiness nwdays in western countriez tends to work the other way.

comewinewithmoi Sun 20-Oct-13 20:53:43

No3 birth was the best!!

Mim78 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:54:00

Yes I agree with everyone else that you have to firmly tell them that you will be bottle feeding. Makes me cross the way people, midwives included but also others, feel they can talk down to women and tell them what to do just because they have had a baby.

If you can't be trusted to know your mind after having had two babies when can you be?

I am all for the promotion of breast feeding by making it easier for women but not by putting pressure on the mums themselves.

holidaysarenice Sun 20-Oct-13 20:55:47

I would always use the 'I intend to bottlefed' rather than 'I do not intend to breastfeed'

Also very curt - this is the best decision for our family and my health and baby- works well.

Frecklesandspecs Sun 20-Oct-13 21:02:13

Mim, I think it can be quite soul destroying. it is not what you need after a long labour and such mixed emotions you feel after giving birth.

clarinsgirl Sun 20-Oct-13 21:03:50

I'm very pro-BF and I'm convinced that the reason so many don't try it or give up is because of the pressure placed on them and awful advice often peddled by well meaning MIL and DMs. Yes, BF takes longer but you do get to sit down for longer grin. However, If you're sure that you got good support with DCs 1 and 2 and BF isn't for you then do it your way. You don't need to justify it to anyone. MWs will question you because that's their job. Personally I would feel no inclination to explain myself to in-laws.

holidaysarenice Sun 20-Oct-13 21:04:11

I would always use the 'I intend to bottlefed' rather than 'I do not intend to breastfeed'

Also very curt - this is the best decision for our family and my health and baby- works well.

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