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Pregnancy

Who's your birth partner & how did you choose them?

27 replies

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 10:04

I want a home birth but dp doesn't. I would like dp to be at the birth but unless its at home, he won't be as he will have to look after dc. Middle dc has SN so child care is a big issue.

I don't have any close family. I don't have any close friends I would ask to be a birth partner in London. Im not that bothered if im very honest. I actually am more annoyed at dp attitude towards a home birth.

I suppose im thinking maybe, I might regret not organising a birth partner on the day. I've looked into doula's & financially its not an option. I couldn't believe how expensive they are!

How do you pick a birth partner??

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Report

Smerlin · 12/10/2013 10:06

Can you get trainee doulas who are a little more affordable?

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 10:12

I think part of what puts me off a doula is that im very private. I couldn't even stand dp near me with the other dc. Told him to sit down, shut up & not to annoy me!!!

I would rather use the money if im going to, on a cleaner or someone to do school runs. Something more practical & beneficial in the long run.

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LightTripper · 12/10/2013 13:06

Does your hospital offer birth buddies? Here is the page at Homerton. Might be worth asking your midwife if they have anything similar where you are? It's not guaranteed, but if they offer it could be a good option to have.

www.homerton.nhs.uk/our-services/maternity-services/your-labour/#h012

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 15:05

Light- thanks. Birth buddies- whatva great idea!

The Homerton's services look impressive. Im at the Whittington. I wilk ask at my next appointment but there is nothing on the Whittington web site about birth buddies.

Thanks

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princesscupcakemummyb · 12/10/2013 15:23

my dh is my birth partner hes allways suppourtive of my choices in each pregnancy this is my 3rd dc and due in 3 weeks and this baby iz a homebirth baby

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 15:34

Lovely-princess...

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Mogz · 12/10/2013 16:08

What're his reasons for not wanting a home birth? My DH isn't keen on the idea as this is our first and he says he would be so scared if something went wrong and we weren't in hospital. We've decided on hospital as I do see his point that maybe our first time should be a bit more clinical in case. He is going to be my birth partner though, I couldn't imagine doing it without him, I expect I'll think differently and want to kick him in the nuts whilst its all going on though
I was birth partner for a friend many years ago as her DP was out of the country when she went in to early labour, it was an honour asked to be her back up and I hope I was able to make a difference on the day. IMO you need someone who will be calm, can talk to the hospital staff on your behalf and whom you trust. So partners, mums and friends are a good bunch to search in. Or someone who has done it before like a doula or birth buddy.

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 16:15

Dp says vits too difficult to get dc out of house especially as one has complex SN. Space, noise, mess, health risks due to my age & its 6th baby.

My mum lives hours away. No sisters in London. Best friend 2 hours away but she doesn't drive. No close friends in London. Doula's as I said in previous post - cost/privacy. Will ask mw about birth buddies at next appointment.

I don't want to be in hospital as I really dislike hospitals. ..unless totally necessary. I might just 'leave' it abit too late to get to the hospital...

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purple84 · 12/10/2013 16:15

Shelly
I think your home birth seems such a sensible idea in your position, have you tried to explain it to DH so he can see the sensible side of it?

I am having my DH as my birth partner this is our first, and if for any reason he was unavailable I wouldn't consider having anyone, mainly because my family live 300 miles away and I'm not that emotionally close to my mum, sister or step mum or anyone in my family except my dad and that would be weird for both of us!!
But also I wouldn't want anyone to replace my DH, can you imagine someone else being able to experience the birth of his first child and he missed out. I would rather be on my own with the professionals than have anyone else there, maybe I am just very unsociable though!!
:D

Good luck hope it all works out

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 16:17

I don't really care if dp is at the birth- its more about where I am. I've given birth 5 times so I know whst im like!

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LightTripper · 12/10/2013 17:24

Is there any chance of transferring to Homerton, as it sounds like you are not too far? They also have a midwife led unit which is supposed to be less hospitally if you know what I mean.

Sorry I can't be more help. It's my first so I'm basically clueless!

quackojuliet · 12/10/2013 17:33

tripper - the whittington also has a midwife led unit, def worth asking about birth buddies.

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 17:36

My Endocrinologist is at the Whittington. Im quite close to The Whittington, Homerton is difficult to get to by public transport from where we are.

Im booked into the MLU at the Whittington but previously I went to The Edgware Birth Centre - there's no comparison but Edgware don't accept women who've had more than 5 babies.

I even felt it was a waste of time going all the way to Edgware to have my last baby. Then they wouldn't discharge us as baby was born at 7pm so I was stuck there the night. It was so busy no one was available to help me bf. Ds had tongue tie & lip tie - ended up giving up at 6 weeks.

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LightTripper · 12/10/2013 17:38

It does seem like post natal is a bit rubbish everywhere... Good that Whittington has MLU though. Can't hurt to ask about birth buddies... They may just not advertise it if they don't have many!

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 17:45

I didn't intend on going to the Whittington. My gp did an emergency referral as I had just been diagnosed with an under active thyroid. As I was waiting to see an endocrinologist the gp presumed I wanted to go there.

I presumed I would miscarry yet again so it wasn't very relevant at the time.

Also my sister lived close by & my mil so child care wasn't an issue. My sister moved last weekend. Sadly my mil died 3 weeks ago. She was only diagnosed with cancer 5 weeks before she died.

Very quickly we lost our support network. Having a dc with SN makes it all even more difficult...

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LightTripper · 12/10/2013 18:07

Gosh, that is a real shock about your MIL. That must have been very hard. Xx

lolablu · 12/10/2013 18:27

side question, how have you found care re your underactive thyroid? im at 9 weeks and the doctors havent done anything. i have an appointment a week on tuesday with the endocrine consultant, which im hoping isnt too late to sort things out.. im just panicing?

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 18:37

My dose of thyroxine was trebled from 50 mcg to 150 mcg as I was only diagnosed 4 days before I got my shock bfp!

I seen the endocrinologist at 9, 12 & 19 weeks. 4 lots of blood tests so far. My dose of thyroxine has stayed the same. It was 57 but by 12 weeks it was in the normal range. Im having more bloods at 23 & 35 weeks. One last appointment with endocrinologist at 36 weeks.

No other problems. No extra scans but thsts just my hospital policy. Not considered high risk. Im not over weight- always a size 8. So the thyroid appears to have made no difference whats so ever... Thankfully!

Its about keeping the levels as stable as possible. I wouldn't worry too much as I presume you were on medication before you were pregnant. My problem was I hsd only been on meds for 4 days.

Good luck!

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Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 18:38

Bloods st 28 not 23 weeks!

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Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 18:39

Excuse typos...sausage fingers & on phone.

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lolablu · 12/10/2013 19:06

thanks for the info. Im hoping for extra scans.. as compensation for being a pin prick.. yes, been underactive a while now, just cant stablise it well.

thanks

Shellywelly1973 · 12/10/2013 21:23

Some hospitals will give mums with thyroid problems extra scans just to be on the safe side. If your levels aren't stable then sometimes it can affect the baby's growth.

My hospital only scan if there appears to be a need. Im fine with that as I don't like medical interventions unless absolutely necessary.

Im sure you'll be fine.

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BummyMummy77 · 12/10/2013 22:28

We're having a home birth. Dh will be there I guess. Also a midwife, assisting midwife and the lady that does my pregnancy massages is training to be a doula and has trained in birth massage. Helpful seeing as I don't have the option for ANY pain relief (even gas) :(.

I'd rather do it in a cupboard on my own to be honest.

Shellywelly1973 · 13/10/2013 00:47

Why can't you have pain relief Bummymummy?
Is this your 1st baby?

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BummyMummy77 · 13/10/2013 02:06

Because I'm in the states and midwives have no real status here unless they are in a hospital so they can't give medication or gas. She can give pitocin if I have a bleed or lidocaine for stitches but that's it.

It is my first. :)

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