Two to three children

[hellooctober]

DH and I have been thinking about one more baby for about a year. We have a five year old and an almost three year old and would start trying next year for baby number three.

My question is, do you regret baby number 3 and how difficult was it for you to go from two to three? One to two seemed like a breeze and we've been very lucky but DH is scared about 'tempting fate'.

I, on the other hand, am probably naively ecstatic that it's going to happen after so much talking about it

[hellooctober]

I think I posted this in the wrong topic. Bloody phone! Sorry MNHQ!

[Maggietess]

helllooctober if can only give you ime....

I had ds when dds were 2y3m and 4y10m. The few months before I found hellish as dd2 wouldn't sleep at all. But when ds arrived he was my sleeping angel

I decided that take a 2y career break as this seems most sensible to mums with a few. (everyone is different). Do whatever feels right for you/ him

[PinkWitch803]

I am only on my first but know enough people with 3+ children and they tell me it is hard work but worth it.

My sister has four and number four was a happy accident who they love and cherish as much as the others, who all look after her :)

[Andanotherthing123]

We're going from 2 to 3 in January - DH agreed that because we're still up in the night with our 3 and 6 year old, so we 'might as well add another one since we get no sleep anyway'!

I tried to suppress the 'urge' for number three but in the end, it was a decision made solely on the basis that I just really, really wanted another baby. I feel so excited about baby's arrival and my 6 year old is beyond happy that he'll have another sibling, so now, all my worrying about whether we could cope or if it was the right decision has gone out the window. Will probably look back and laugh at my current optimism when baby's here though and I'm getting even less sleep ha ha!

[MerryMarigold]

I quite often regret having 3, but had no choice as my second was twins. I often look at families with 2 and they just seem a lot more 'together', there is one parent per child, it is easier to get 1:1 time with each child (which imo is very important), it is cheaper to go on holiday and do lots of other cool stuff, it is easier for grandparents to take care of 2 (they are not keen on 3 for longer than 24hours!). Even doing reading after school, helping homework, learning times tables, doing swimming lessons, all of these things become harder as they are multiplied.

Of course I love all 3 of them desperately, but I'm sure if I had 5 I would love them all desperately. I don't think I'd be able to offer them enough emotional support etc. especially when they got to teens. Sometimes it's not only about love, but about how much you feel you can give. So it does depend on you. If you have really found it a breeze, then maybe you will be fine. But do bear in mind they get older and issues change. Coping with a baby is very different from a teenager.

[Slippersandacuppa]

I found that the easiest transition of them all. The hardest part is finding time for them all individually but even that is fine with a bit of thought. It can't be that bad as we're now expecting number four :) Good luck

[Frecklesandspecs]

I'm due my third at the end of this month. I have a 2 y/o and 4 yo. Can't speak for when he arrives but I'm still walking 2-3 miles a day for the school run at 37 weeks pregnant. Feel much better this time maybe as I haven't had time to this.k about it. As far as we are concerned the little mite Will just have to fit in! He won't have a choice.
Plus as its our first boy and 3rd he is getting mostly second hand stuff! ;-)

Maybe I Will report back when the nightmare begins!
But really we can't wait :-)

[hellooctober]

This is what I'm worried about. The love we would give our baby is abundant but the 1:1 time, expenses as they get older, needing a bigger car etc does worry us both. We don't know anyone with three children without a significant (ten years plus) age gap so I thought I'd ask here for experience.

We are not well off but we do have a nice life and save for things such as holidays. The week to week cost wouldn't be much, it's the things as they get older as it always is. With DC1 being five and DC2 almost 3 it's like we've come out of the baby stage and I think if we're going to do it it should be now while I'm freelance from home and can stay at home and we're not too far behind the last baby stage.

It's do odd as DC1 was a surprise and DC2 was planned but this isn't anything like the planning with DC2. I feel if we talk too much about it, it won't happen and that there's never a 'right' time but I also have the responsibility of my two DC's to consider and I don't want them to resent another baby just because mummy wanted to feel 'complete'. I feel ridiculous

[Frecklesandspecs]

I feel similar October. I am one of 5 myself! :-D
I don't spend tons of time with my two already but I they do play together a lot (and fight)
I think with one child the lack of time you spend with them is much more apparent as they depend on you to entertain them. My eldest 4) is very excited about the new baby. I think the 2 year old might be jealous but that is more her nature than her age. Because they are still young it is harder for them to get used to having me to themselves.
I think it depends a lot also on their personalities.

[Frecklesandspecs]

Agree with flick too. Husband freaked out when we found out with our 3rd. His first thought was having potentially to have to pay for HE for 3 of them in the space of a few years.

We have 'just' managed to get 3 car seats in the back of our Bmw 318

[Hawkmoth]

Yesterday the middle one (4) said, "Can we keep the baby for a long time?"

Go for it!

[OhBabyLilyMunster]

We have a one year old, five year old and a ten year old. Clearly we get broody when they go to school! But we are done at three. We have certainly seen a financial hit, nobody wants to babysit ever, and trying to go anywhere is a drama. However its also brilliant. The big two dote on the baby and he loves the bones of them. We always talked about a brood and now it feels right, like we were always expecting #3 to join us :)

[cantremembermyname]

I could have written your post years ago. Dh and I went through all the same thought processes. Shall we/shan't we. It's so hard knowing what to do for the best.

We were yes one day, no the next, for exactly the sane reasons, will we be able to show them all enough attention? Financially as they get older, cars, no spare seats for friends, and how will we ever go swimming?!

We decided yes, started trying, then decided to stop, having talked and talked even more, we decided to let our practical heads rule our hearts. But it was too late, I was already pregnant. I was quite disappointed when I found out (for about an hour), anyway I miscarried a few weeks later, and I was devastated. Sort of answered it for me.

We now have ds1 (7), ds2 (4), and dd (2). It is more manic, I'm shattered, but she completes us (if you know what I mean). I'm still up half the night, but everything is very manageable. Dd is much harder work than the boys ever were, with tantrums, sleeping, eating everything really. If she'd been my second, I may not have had a third . I've had Dh 'done', so I'm not tempted for another. But i know we did the right thing for us having three.

At the end of the day, it's a very very hard decision, and I know you shouldn't let your heart rule your head. But working out all the practicalities, if they are workable, you'll know deep down what you really want to do. If your anything like me you'll feel guilty for sharing yourself with them all, and hope you're not spreading yourself too thin, but I was in bits about that even having ds2, I felt so guilt to ds1! But now they've all got each other to play with/talk to/annoy/wind up/ occasionally and very worryingly look like they're trying to kill!!

And.... Swimmings actually not to bad arm bands, rubber rings, and all staying within arms reach!

[cantremembermyname]

Please excuse all typos and spelling mistakes in that waffle. I'm being bounced on!

[MerryMarigold]

Oh, I forgot swimming. It's a pain as dh can't take them all, which means if we want to go swimming I have to de-hair majorly which takes either ages or a lot of money or I pretend to be a Muslim and wear leggings in the pool!

[apperleydapperley]

I have a 5 yo and 3yo and due on Monday with number 3, so i'll let you know! I too had an overwhelming desire to have another baby and that swung it really. I think I always would have regretted not trying for a 3rd.

I found it very hard going from 1 - 2 DCs, so am (naively?) hoping that it won't be such a shock this time. I'm hoping the other two will entertain each other a bit more so that they don't feel so starved of my time when i'm feeding etc.

Yes the car thing is a pain, we have just had to trade ours in and jiggle car seats etc and trying not to think about the costs when they are older, but am really hoping i get that 'family is now complete' feeling with 3 and that they'll each enjoy having 2 siblings.

[Peacenquiet2]

Well im also going from 2 to 3 in feb and am a little worried but think ultimately we will cope and in a couple of years ile bet we cant imagine our family as anything but 5.
This dc was'nt planned which i suppose takes the decision making out of the equation cos im not too sure what path we would have taken had some planning been involved. BUT i know once he's here he will be loved as much as dc1 & 2.
Ultimately i think you need to follow your heart, ive never yet heard anyone say they wish they had never had one of their kids.

[hellooctober]

I can't shake the need for another child. I know it's not a real need but it feels that way. Every time I get a period I feel disappointed even though we've been using protection so why would I be pregnant?

[sheeplikessleep]

Ds1 is 6 this onth, ds2 is 3 and a half and our latest and most definitely final addition, ds3 is 6 weeks old on Saturday.

We ummed and aahed and agonised over our decision to go for dc3.

I know we are just at the beginning and I think it will get much harder as they get older, BUT ... Having 3 is brilliant and I really feel complete now. It just all feels right now. I am relieved the 'should we shouldn't we?' Question has gone. I know 4 would be beyond us.