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Just found out I am pregnant & have mixed emotions

(7 Posts)
Confused11 Sun 29-Sep-13 18:46:54


I hope someone can help me with this news, I'm not sure how but I have no one I can confide in at the moment. Me an my partner just found out I am pregnant and my head is all over the place as it was a total surprise. We have been together 3 1/2 years and we have our own home but we have spent are entire relationship in and out of court for him to get access to his son. We have finally come to the 'end' of the court battle although as we have already witnessed that was only half the battle and contact is still sporadic due to his ex not complying. The thing is it just doesn't feel like the right time, his son has been number 1 in his life and with the constant battle my partner has had to face to see him due to his ex being un co operative i worry our baby will suffer the effects of what has been happening as I do not believe this will ever end. His ex is not a nice person she has assaulted me and made our lives hell (they were already going through a divorce when we met). In all honesty I don't think any time would be the right time as his ex will never let up, my partner is gobsmacked by the news as I am but I worry are relationship will not sustain this pregnancy. I have been his rock in getting through his access issues and now I will need his support, not having this baby is not an option but how do I cope in making this adjustment as easy as possible for us. Any advice will be appreciated.

Bearandcub Sun 29-Sep-13 18:56:17

You have at least 6 months to get accustomed to having a child. Your and your partner's child is fuck all to do with his ex.

This is good news. You are over thinking it.

MrsDavies Sun 29-Sep-13 19:07:00

like you said, there probably never will be a "right time", so if you and your DH want children why not now? congratulations! thanks

Xenadog Sun 29-Sep-13 19:47:17

Take a deep breath and just "Be" for a while. You say you have mixed emotions but you want this baby so you are in a good position - you know your own mind already.

As for it coming at the wrong time - I felt like this when I found I was pregnant at Easter. I had just had my beloved dog put to sleep, moved in with DP, we were decorating my house to rent out and then I got my redundancy letter from work! All of that then the blue cross appeared on a stick!

I have never wanted anything less but now at 29 weeks I am happy to be pregnant but it took a very long time for me to get here.

Your situation is complicated but this doesn't mean your future has to be fraught with lots of problems. I think you need to set sometime aside to come to terms with what has happened and start to prioritise what's important for you and DP. His ex has NOTHING to do with this and actually the baby may cement you two together. You have been his rock and now you will need a different type of support from him; this means he gets to repay you and this will add some balance back to your relationship.

Good luck and congratulations!

KangarooKaz Sun 29-Sep-13 20:11:15

It's ok to feel as you do. The things that you mentioned are real and happening. It took a while for me to feel excited about my pregnancy. Someone said to me it's easy to think about all you stand to loose because of the baby as they are real and happening now........ but it's harder to imagine the things you have never experienced such as loving a baby, being a happy expanded family etc. The future is unknown. You cannot control it. It sounds as if you want to continue with your pregnancy so I want to say to you congratulations and I wish you all the very best for your future. Please make sure the decisions you make are for you and your partner and your future together and not led by what his ex might or might not think or do. She wasn't in the bed when you made the baby, she won't be there at the birth. There is never a right time. I wish you all the best x

Confused11 Sun 29-Sep-13 20:47:30

Thank you every

Confused11 Sun 29-Sep-13 20:50:05

Thank you everyone for commenting, your words and advice have really helped. I'm going to take a few days to get my head around things and go from there. I just worry about my partner and the stress he is already under and worry this will add to it but he is a great dad so I hope this pregnancy will make all the things we have been wittling about seen like nothing. Thank you again x

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