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devastated!!! :(

(57 Posts)
Jasss123 Tue 17-Sep-13 10:08:41

after a year together (and 7 years of being best friends!) me and my partner decided to try for a baby! six months later and I find out I'm 8 weeks pregnant! cannot contain my joy and just wanna tell the world, I tell my once-supportive boyfriend and he hits the roof saying he thought it would take longer than this and he's just not ready telling me to get rid of it otherwise he'll be 'miserable for the rest of his life and it'll be All my fault'. gutted! as if that wasn't bad enough, I then think I've miscarried and the doctors think so too, so they send me for a scan at the hospital to confirm it where he doesn't come with me (or to any of the other appointments) and I'm elated to find that little heartbeat on the screen fluttering away! I bring home the picture to show him and he tells me to throw it away because if we're getting rid of it why would we need a picture?!?! I really don't wanna get rid of it, its the last thing I want but I really don't wanna lose him either and now he keeps badgering me daily to phone up and book a termination but I'm trying to put it off for as long as I can, am I wrong to do so? does it make me a bad person to risk the best relationship I've ever had with the best friend I've ever had? I'm now 9+1 and should be having prenatal apps ect but I'm so confused and don't know what to do!!!

Frecklesandspecs Wed 18-Sep-13 18:26:23

Hi hun. I'm married and pregnant with third. I went through all this at the beginning of this pregnancy. Dh didn't want it and wanted me to terminate. I couldn't and here I am 34 weeks and we are all excited waiting for the baby to arrive.
He was scared but about half way through he got over himself. Stick to your guns and he should stick by you. Just give it time. I know its upsetting but you cannot go through with a termination on his behalf. That would destroy anything you have anyway. X

Frecklesandspecs Wed 18-Sep-13 18:28:24

Ps my Dh didn't come to my first scan either. He came to second though and I think it was then it sank in for him. Plus found out its a boy after 2 girls:-)

TeaAndANatter Wed 18-Sep-13 19:55:05

Hi Jass,

I hope this finds you feeling less confused than when you posted. I would recommend that (if you feel you want to), you contact your local Women's Aid service for a chat and a cup of tea. They can meet you in a cafe, or at their office, or at your home, and they won't tell you to leave or make you feel like you have to do anything that you're not ready for.

Lots of women think that Women's Aid is for when they are being hit, or want to leave the relationship. That's not true. It's for women who are ready to leave, women who want to stay, and for women who are so confused by what their partner is doing to them that they just don't know what's for the best any more. It's for when women are hit, and when women are terrorised in different, more hidden and confusing ways, like maybe is happening to you.

I hope that you find the support you need, and that your future gets better for you, and for your son or daughter if you feel able to keep him or her. I always liked that silly phrase about women being like teabags - it's only when we're in hot water that we find out how strong we are. It feels true to me. We are absolute warriors. We live in a culture of pornography, and rape, and inequalities, and male created war, and we survive by the strength of our sisters (hope that doesn't feel too 'out there' for you to access right now).

Sending you very best wishes, sister x

Pantomime Wed 18-Sep-13 22:26:41

I was going to post maybe considering that he could be having a massive panic about the sudden reality of being a father and so on and so on but I honestly don't feel I can in anyway justify the actions of this person.

Please look after yourself, maybe go and stay with some friends or family for a few days. If you want this baby then he should not be allowed to force you to do anything. Get some support asap.

gillybeandramaqueen Thu 19-Sep-13 09:57:56

He's NOT the best friend you've ever had!!!!!! A best friend would never treat you like this in such an unfeeling, cruel and callous way. He sounds like a controlling, manipulative, selfish wanker. He contributed significantly to your current pregnant state. Your relationship will never work if you get rid of this wanted baby at his say so... you will end up hating him forever and suffering very much.

Vicki070712 Thu 19-Sep-13 11:28:34

I was in a very similar situation as you was in what I thought was a very secure loving relationship thought I had found the one, discussed marriage, kids etc then I fell pregnant by accident that's when it all changed, he went nuts was throwing glasses, plates etc. I knew myself I really wanted this baby, he on the other hand did not wanted me to have a termination even offered to pay for it privately!, that was the end of us the pregnancy was hard on my own but had great support from my parents, sister & best friend my perfect baby boy was born a month early & I can honestly say I've never felt so much love for someone in my life hard to believe considering what I feel for his so called father. 6 years on I'm happily married to a wonderful guy that I know realise is the one & I have another beautiful son & I wouldn't change a thing that has happened it's made me a better person. I'm not going to lie being a single parent is really hard but seeing him smile & laugh for the 1st time, talk his 1st steps his 1st word, 1st day at school it filled my heart with so much pride knowing that I've shaped him into the wonderful, handsome, caring, loving little boy that he is today it gives me such satisfaction.
If you really want this baby which I think you do, then don't let anybody tell you that you can't it is you that will have to live with any regrets and what ifs, also I feel that if you do decide not to carry on with the pregnancy you may end up resenting him & loosing him anyway.
Good luck x

Naomilouise1992 Thu 19-Sep-13 12:12:46

I had an abortion when my partner decided after trying for a year he didn't want it, found out after he was having an affair? DO NOT do it if its not hat u want! Nearly 3 years on and I still have the scan photo of that baby and there's not a day hat oes by where I regret it! I am now 20 weeks pregnant (wasn't ment to be) it was an accident an I hve been with this partner for a year, he wanted me toget rid of this one at the beginning but told him to come to the 12 week scan with me then we wud decide, (I wasn't ever gunna get rid) but he came round and now we can't wait!!! U can do this alone if u need to, worst case is u will split up! but you might not talk for few months then once he's had time to get his head round it eat back together! but if he's any decent man there's no chance he will not be apart of his babies life! And if he doesn't then ur better off without xx

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