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Pregnant with toddler - how are you coping?

(59 Posts)
NumberTwoDue Wed 28-Aug-13 14:25:11

Because I'm not, basically.... DD is 21 months and in full flung tantrum, no-no-no-ing, throwing, naughty, shouty mode. We've also had a brief period of abysmal sleep (which thankfully I think we're through now) and I'm just feeling so tired and weepy and like I'm being a really rubbish mum for her. She's normally so well behaved and fun, but this past month or so has been a bit soul destroying and I'm finding it worse as I get more pregnant and hormonal (am 31 weeks). Normally I can pick my battles, keep calm and control the situation, but at the moment I'm flying from terribly upset to furious without warning. It's so knackering, being pregnant. Why didn't I remember that?!

Any survival tips greatly appreciated... Me too stories would be good too. Just feel so inept while everyone else around me seems to be coping with their kids beautifully.

Locketjuice Sun 01-Sep-13 09:19:06

Penelope-if I was holding dd for too long he was getting a bit funny but that was only for around two days.. And after throwing a car at her head! Now he's an angel with her, holds her bottle gives her (too many!) big kisses etc its lovely to see! Although he's always been a mummy's boy and now he's all for his daddy! confused

suntodayplease Sat 31-Aug-13 10:03:45

In a word: badly! But relieved to read that others are just as grumpy and tired as me. 34 weeks with a 2.6 toddler. I find the days when I'm at work much easier! Feeling guilty that we don't do much except going to the park and playing in the garden, and my parents and DH get all the fun activities. I had bad SPD last time so I'm over cautious about ending up in the same state which is limiting running around too much. When does the guilt end?! Plus DD is def starting to act up in anticipation of the baby arriving, only towards me, of course with others and at nursery she's good as gold!

PicklePants Sat 31-Aug-13 08:27:34

Thanks MsFiremanSam, what a lovely post smile

not welling up at all, nooo, not me

MsFiremanSam Sat 31-Aug-13 08:01:38

Don't feel guilty about taking all the help you can get, whether its from GP's or CBeebies! For the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy my parents took DS every day - they tool him out, spoilt him rotten and generally did all the fun stuff with him that I was too huge and miserable to do. He loved it and they built up a great bond.
It's only for a short time, and you're giving your DC a sibling and friend for life. Do whatever you need to do to get through it - pregnancy is hard!
Newborn + toddler is 100% easier. Just feeling normal again, being able to move around, go for walks, chase DS around the garden etc and not wanting to cry every time I need to go upstairs... Hang on in there ladies!

TripleRock Sat 31-Aug-13 07:57:19

I snapped at DD yesterday and shut myself in the kitchen in tears. All because she committed the terrible, terrible crime of pulling my hair hmm

Sigh, 38 weeks tomorrow so not too many more weeks hopefully!

Totesamazeballs Fri 30-Aug-13 21:18:41

The shit mum guilt is awful. I keep palming DS off every day because I just feel so sick and I feel like our relationship will suffer.

PicklePants Fri 30-Aug-13 20:33:26

EST0106 - not unfair at all, that must be really difficult. Sorry that you lost your mum sad

I'm 21 weeks with 2yo DS. I feel like a whale already and am suffering a bit with SPD so am also feeling the Shit Mum Guilt! CBeebies is on a lot in our house.. DS is actually pretty good, bless him, he just has seemingly boundless energy. I do not.

EST0106 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:19:59

Thank god it's not just me! I'm 10 weeks and have dd 2.3, also work full time. I have been feeling so sick and exhausted, in fact I'm off to bed. It's not helped that DH has been away with work for 10 days but he's back tomorrow grin I don't have any family that can help, my mum died just before I had dd, think if she was here I'd be getting lots of brew and cake, always feel a bit jealous of friends whose mums move in to help out, unfair of me I know!

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 30-Aug-13 20:00:00

DS2 is 2y10m
He starts preschool next week. I cannot wait but the school run without a buggy may prove hard work - he is a bolter.
For those of you expecting DC2 - I do remember a RL friend who is also a MNer somewhere telling me that being preg with a toddler is much harder than a toddler and a newborn. I didn't believe her but it was true.

PenelopeLane Fri 30-Aug-13 19:56:39

I am trying to find some good toddler groups to take ds to once dd is born as his previous activities - gym - would probably be too hard afterward as ds still needs my help for the beam etc. Music maybe?

locket that's good news. Is ds jealous at all?

maggiethemagpie you must be due at a similar time to me, due 3/10 here

MummyPig24 Fri 30-Aug-13 19:37:53

It's hard! When I fell pregnant with dc2, dc1 was 19months. It was fine but I had mild spd so lifting him was hard. He was a pretty easygoing toddler. Until he stopped sleeping when I was 30 weeks, and didn't sleep properly again for almost a year. I was sooo tired!

Now I am 11 weeks with dc3, my others are 5 and 3 and it has been hard over the summer holidays. I've felt very sick too, almost constant nausea, much worse than previous pregnancies. I've been very tired and ratty too. The children are just so full on, absolutely full of energy and mischief. I'm coping, but I'm tired now. I need a break!

Locketjuice Fri 30-Aug-13 18:13:26

I have an 18 month old and a two week old... I felt so shit when I was pregnant I couldn't run around with him and just generally a shit mum but I got through it and he loves his little sister smile not long ladies smilesmile

Totesamazeballs Fri 30-Aug-13 18:12:41

Sorry to hear everyone finding things tough. I am too but mainly because I have awful morning sickness. I am on anti emetics but basically can't look after my toddler so my parents are doing the lion's share of work.

8 weeks and hopeful things might improve after the first trimester.

enormouse Fri 30-Aug-13 18:12:40

Thank you for posting this thread. I'm 19wks and have a 22 month old DS. Feeling exhausted has coincided with non walking ds finally finding his feet and wanting to RUN all the time and wanting to go out and emptying my cupboards and climbing on the furniture and all over me.

I just feel like yelling 'just 5 minutes.....please leave mummy alone for 5 minutes! I just want a cup of tea!!'

maggiethemagpie Fri 30-Aug-13 17:58:40

Hand in the air here! I'm really struggling at the mo. 35 weeks with a two and a half year old who is having LOTS of tantrums, everything leads to a tantrum at the mo. Just got back from Tescos where he was driving me crazy, paddies on the floor, trying to put things we didn't need in the basket, and then pulled a load of yogurts off a shelf luckily an assistant saw and came over to help.

I'm sooo tired, even with a mid afternoon nap (timed to match his) I am still absolutely exhausted. My husband has just started a new job after both of us being off for a while as he was out of work. So whilst it's good he found something it's double bad timing as I'm getting very tired, and DS is missing his daddy, and there's only me at home all day. I feel guilty as housework has gone out the window, I can just about bring myself to load the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen every day. There's a big pile of laundry waiting to be put away - it can wait.

I can't see how it will be easier with a newborn, particularly if DS gets jealous, but glad to hear that some people have that opinion it gives me hope!

TripleRock Fri 30-Aug-13 17:44:34

Can't wait for my local childrens centre to reopen next week so we can get out and about to some groups each day.

This week has gone by really slowly as I haven't been able to face the park or soft play when everywhere is so busy during school hols.

Next week we can hopefully fall into some sort of daily routine! Just in time for baby to come and throw it all up in the air again!

mamapants Fri 30-Aug-13 17:39:02

Oh dear I have this all to come. Currently about 7 weeks pregnant and have a 13mth old who has no sense of danger or impulse control.
So far the pregnancy is easier but am dreading to think about later on when the exhaustion kicks in and I could barely manage a waddle last time. This time I'll be running round after a 20month old!

donttellalfred Fri 30-Aug-13 16:55:09

Also checking in! It's a real relief to find this thread. This morning DS who is nearly 3 ran away from me and I just couldn't catch up (36 weeks pg), I did this sort of speed-waddle after him shouting at him and I think he thought it was a game. A couple of weeks ago I got myself wedged trying to follow him at soft play. It would be funny if I wasn't too grumpy to laugh at myself...

Solidarity to all fellow sufferers! V glad to hear it gets better after the birth.

AnotherStitchInTime Fri 30-Aug-13 15:09:20

I have an 18 month old and a 4 year old. I am 18 weeks pregnant and I am still breastfeeding dd2. I am like a zombie some days, I just don't sleep well on my side. My bladder must be pea sized, seriously how can I go wee and then need to go again 5 minutes later?!

Dd2 is a climber and very adventurous, but at least still naps. Dd1 talks incessantly and no naps, at least she starts school in two weeks.

Having done this once before I would say pick your battles carefully. If they pick at snacks all day instead of meals they will still get what they need.

Get out everyday if you can, find a playgroup or children's centre with helpful staff who can run after your toddler. Use reins, go for walks, even puddle jumping on rainy days is a good way of burning off their energy.

Use CBeebies and dvds and don't feel guilty.

Have a special box of toys that they only get to play with when you need a rest. Also useful for when the baby arrives and is feeding.

If they tantrum at home provided they can't injure themselves, ignore, leave them on the floor, save your back.

If lifting onto the swings is difficult try sideways off your hip rather than bending forward or get friendly with other mums who might help you.

Teach them to climb into and out of the buggy and the bath (using a step stool), I had an EMCS with dd2 so couldn't lift dd1 afterwards at all.

Get rid of the cot side and get a bed guard so you don't have to lift them out, dd2 has been in a toddler bed since she was 16 months old, she soon got over the escaping escapades.

Borrow a friends older child or older cousin who likes little kids to play with them as often as you can to give you a break.

Pilates and gentle pregnancy yoga exercises are good for the back, hip and pelvic pain or a physio referral (although by the time you see one baby might have arrived if you are quite far along).

I found a mattress pad really helped with the hip pain at night, memory foam is brilliant stuff.

Soon we will be moaning about sore nipples, cluster feeding and the joys of toilet training while trying to feed a screaming newborn wink

HamwidgeAlive Fri 30-Aug-13 14:44:33

Checking in! I'm 14 weeks and still sick as a dog, have DS who is 2.6. Can barely get my head out of the toilet most days!

TheContrastofWhiteonWhite Fri 30-Aug-13 14:00:40

Penelope - Oh yes, and sleeping in a comfortable position! I remember vividly thinking when DD2 was about two weeks old (when the post-birth soreness was easing and the engorgement had subsided and I had slept on my tummy for the first time) "Oh my goodness, I haven't felt this good in months". And I think I'd been up about three times in the night with DD2. It is really easy to underestimate the massive strain your body is under in pregnancy, take that strain away and a few night wakings seem a walk in the park!

fluffandnonsense Fri 30-Aug-13 13:52:23

I have a 2 year old and a 4.5 year old both at home (until 4yr old starts school next week), I'm bloody exhausted and miserable. The little one is doing nothing but smacking, pinching and biting the 4yr old who gets very very upset by it all. I'm constantly trying to separate her from her older brother hmm Today I contacted about 6 of my friends/family to see if I could pop round to see them and break up the day but no, everyone is busy/doesn't care. 2yr old is refusing to nap so say scratching her brother who is currently screaming his head off. Feel fucking miserable!

cravingcake Fri 30-Aug-13 10:21:56

Argh, my DS has woken up with about 50 times more energy than normal today so i've taken him to soft play, its noisy & full of kids but at least DS is runnin around like a lunatic without much effort required from me.

I still have to brave the supermarket shopping later as well.

How's everyone else's Friday?

PenelopeLane Thu 29-Aug-13 23:57:58

TheContrast thanks! I find that so comforting. You're right about that light sleep, it's so frustrating. DH took DS out this morning and got up with him last night so I managed about 10 hours sleep (more than I've had in weeks) and STILL don't feel refreshed due to weird dreams and needing to pee etc. I can't wait until proper deep sleep comes back. On my back. Bliss.

utopian99 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:31:24

Hmm. Reading and thinking argh. We are planning to start TTC dc2 in a couple of months (ds is 8 months ) so could be in the same boat. Are we crazy? Really want them to be close in age if possible..

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