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Pregnant with toddler - how are you coping?

(59 Posts)
NumberTwoDue Wed 28-Aug-13 14:25:11

Because I'm not, basically.... DD is 21 months and in full flung tantrum, no-no-no-ing, throwing, naughty, shouty mode. We've also had a brief period of abysmal sleep (which thankfully I think we're through now) and I'm just feeling so tired and weepy and like I'm being a really rubbish mum for her. She's normally so well behaved and fun, but this past month or so has been a bit soul destroying and I'm finding it worse as I get more pregnant and hormonal (am 31 weeks). Normally I can pick my battles, keep calm and control the situation, but at the moment I'm flying from terribly upset to furious without warning. It's so knackering, being pregnant. Why didn't I remember that?!

Any survival tips greatly appreciated... Me too stories would be good too. Just feel so inept while everyone else around me seems to be coping with their kids beautifully.

BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 28-Aug-13 20:39:32

Definitely identify with all of the above, and can indeed confirm that pregnancy is so much harder than toddler and newborn. I'm 23 weeks now with 3 yo and almost 2 yo; it's hard, especially as I've started to get horrible pelvis pain and I know it's going to get a lot worse!!

Obviously worth it though or I wouldn't be going through it again! I'm bloody insane aren't I?!

Lovelylentils- there are loads of us with small age gaps expecting third babies! grin

lucybrad Wed 28-Aug-13 20:51:02

and meeeee! 38 +5 with 2.5 DD and 9 yr old DTS. I would be ok except for this bloody SPD and the heat! Im swollen up like a balloon sad

PenelopeLane Thu 29-Aug-13 09:22:06

Me too! I am 35 weeks and have an almost 2 year old. It's comforting to hear that it's easier to have a newborn and a toddler, although am interested in why that is? please tell me it's because you're less tired

TheContrastOfWhiteOnWhite Thu 29-Aug-13 10:46:02

Penelope - Yes, you are miles less tired. You have broken sleep, but when you are sleeping it is proper deep restful sleep, not the uncomfortable, light, fidgeting sleep of late pregnancy. And every little thing you do - like bending down to talk to the toddler - doesn't require so much energy that you would quite like a lie down afterwards.

Monkeyandanimal Thu 29-Aug-13 12:20:58

Yep, that's me too! 28 weeks pg with a 3.5 year old DS and a 22month old DS who fight the whole time. Can't leave them along together as the little one will either climb something and fall off or get beat up/have soil rubbed in his hair/be used as a cushion! I also have feelings of guilt for not doing more fun things with them (while we are still only a 2 child family) but more often than not they end up sitting in front of telly (while i collapse with MN). DS2 is a very early riser and DH doesn't get in till about 6.30 so it feels like a long day. But i think of the fun they will have together when there are 3 little terrors running riot in a few years time! Horrible feelings of resentment to DH as i feel he has the better deal going to work and has no right to complain about being tired when he gets in! turning into a bitch!
Good thread, nice to hear we are all in the same boat!

EnidClowes Thu 29-Aug-13 14:16:26

This thread has made me feel a lot better! I'm 13 wks and DD is 2 1/2. The last 3 months have been hard work. I've been really sick and haven't been able to take her out in the glorious sunshine we've had. Every smell in the heat has been magnified beyond belief. Peppa and beebies have been my saviour but the guilt is overwhelming.
If this pregnancy is like my last then I'll have a bit more energy in a few weeks time. Poor DD! Feel so bad for the lack of fun per the last few months. I know se won't remember but still...
Really not sure how SAHM's do it. I am in awe.

Glad to hear that newborn and toddler is easier though. You've given me hope.

mycatlikestwiglets Thu 29-Aug-13 14:51:08

I'm 31 weeks and coping quite well with 2.8yo DS - mainly because I work full time! I think I would be very fed up if I was at home and having to entertain him all day - even though he's very lovely he has boundless energy which I struggle to keep up with even when not pregnant! He's going to be staying at nursery 3 days pw even when I go on maternity leave so that I get to relax a bit before DC2 arrives.

Featherbag Thu 29-Aug-13 15:04:46

Oh, hi everyone, I thought it was just me and I'm a shit mother, I've just started a thread about DS's tantrums in behaviour/development!! I'm 26 weeks and DS is 2 in 5 weeks. So pleased to know it isn't just me!

crazyhead Thu 29-Aug-13 16:02:11

Same here, DS 21 months, me 30 weeks, big house renovation on as well. I work which helps a lot but I am getting horribly tired. I just can't do all I need to do to get ready for this baby - it so frustrating.

utopian99 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:31:24

Hmm. Reading and thinking argh. We are planning to start TTC dc2 in a couple of months (ds is 8 months ) so could be in the same boat. Are we crazy? Really want them to be close in age if possible..

PenelopeLane Thu 29-Aug-13 23:57:58

TheContrast thanks! I find that so comforting. You're right about that light sleep, it's so frustrating. DH took DS out this morning and got up with him last night so I managed about 10 hours sleep (more than I've had in weeks) and STILL don't feel refreshed due to weird dreams and needing to pee etc. I can't wait until proper deep sleep comes back. On my back. Bliss.

cravingcake Fri 30-Aug-13 10:21:56

Argh, my DS has woken up with about 50 times more energy than normal today so i've taken him to soft play, its noisy & full of kids but at least DS is runnin around like a lunatic without much effort required from me.

I still have to brave the supermarket shopping later as well.

How's everyone else's Friday?

fluffandnonsense Fri 30-Aug-13 13:52:23

I have a 2 year old and a 4.5 year old both at home (until 4yr old starts school next week), I'm bloody exhausted and miserable. The little one is doing nothing but smacking, pinching and biting the 4yr old who gets very very upset by it all. I'm constantly trying to separate her from her older brother hmm Today I contacted about 6 of my friends/family to see if I could pop round to see them and break up the day but no, everyone is busy/doesn't care. 2yr old is refusing to nap so say scratching her brother who is currently screaming his head off. Feel fucking miserable!

TheContrastofWhiteonWhite Fri 30-Aug-13 14:00:40

Penelope - Oh yes, and sleeping in a comfortable position! I remember vividly thinking when DD2 was about two weeks old (when the post-birth soreness was easing and the engorgement had subsided and I had slept on my tummy for the first time) "Oh my goodness, I haven't felt this good in months". And I think I'd been up about three times in the night with DD2. It is really easy to underestimate the massive strain your body is under in pregnancy, take that strain away and a few night wakings seem a walk in the park!

HamwidgeAlive Fri 30-Aug-13 14:44:33

Checking in! I'm 14 weeks and still sick as a dog, have DS who is 2.6. Can barely get my head out of the toilet most days!

AnotherStitchInTime Fri 30-Aug-13 15:09:20

I have an 18 month old and a 4 year old. I am 18 weeks pregnant and I am still breastfeeding dd2. I am like a zombie some days, I just don't sleep well on my side. My bladder must be pea sized, seriously how can I go wee and then need to go again 5 minutes later?!

Dd2 is a climber and very adventurous, but at least still naps. Dd1 talks incessantly and no naps, at least she starts school in two weeks.

Having done this once before I would say pick your battles carefully. If they pick at snacks all day instead of meals they will still get what they need.

Get out everyday if you can, find a playgroup or children's centre with helpful staff who can run after your toddler. Use reins, go for walks, even puddle jumping on rainy days is a good way of burning off their energy.

Use CBeebies and dvds and don't feel guilty.

Have a special box of toys that they only get to play with when you need a rest. Also useful for when the baby arrives and is feeding.

If they tantrum at home provided they can't injure themselves, ignore, leave them on the floor, save your back.

If lifting onto the swings is difficult try sideways off your hip rather than bending forward or get friendly with other mums who might help you.

Teach them to climb into and out of the buggy and the bath (using a step stool), I had an EMCS with dd2 so couldn't lift dd1 afterwards at all.

Get rid of the cot side and get a bed guard so you don't have to lift them out, dd2 has been in a toddler bed since she was 16 months old, she soon got over the escaping escapades.

Borrow a friends older child or older cousin who likes little kids to play with them as often as you can to give you a break.

Pilates and gentle pregnancy yoga exercises are good for the back, hip and pelvic pain or a physio referral (although by the time you see one baby might have arrived if you are quite far along).

I found a mattress pad really helped with the hip pain at night, memory foam is brilliant stuff.

Soon we will be moaning about sore nipples, cluster feeding and the joys of toilet training while trying to feed a screaming newborn wink

donttellalfred Fri 30-Aug-13 16:55:09

Also checking in! It's a real relief to find this thread. This morning DS who is nearly 3 ran away from me and I just couldn't catch up (36 weeks pg), I did this sort of speed-waddle after him shouting at him and I think he thought it was a game. A couple of weeks ago I got myself wedged trying to follow him at soft play. It would be funny if I wasn't too grumpy to laugh at myself...

Solidarity to all fellow sufferers! V glad to hear it gets better after the birth.

mamapants Fri 30-Aug-13 17:39:02

Oh dear I have this all to come. Currently about 7 weeks pregnant and have a 13mth old who has no sense of danger or impulse control.
So far the pregnancy is easier but am dreading to think about later on when the exhaustion kicks in and I could barely manage a waddle last time. This time I'll be running round after a 20month old!

TripleRock Fri 30-Aug-13 17:44:34

Can't wait for my local childrens centre to reopen next week so we can get out and about to some groups each day.

This week has gone by really slowly as I haven't been able to face the park or soft play when everywhere is so busy during school hols.

Next week we can hopefully fall into some sort of daily routine! Just in time for baby to come and throw it all up in the air again!

maggiethemagpie Fri 30-Aug-13 17:58:40

Hand in the air here! I'm really struggling at the mo. 35 weeks with a two and a half year old who is having LOTS of tantrums, everything leads to a tantrum at the mo. Just got back from Tescos where he was driving me crazy, paddies on the floor, trying to put things we didn't need in the basket, and then pulled a load of yogurts off a shelf luckily an assistant saw and came over to help.

I'm sooo tired, even with a mid afternoon nap (timed to match his) I am still absolutely exhausted. My husband has just started a new job after both of us being off for a while as he was out of work. So whilst it's good he found something it's double bad timing as I'm getting very tired, and DS is missing his daddy, and there's only me at home all day. I feel guilty as housework has gone out the window, I can just about bring myself to load the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen every day. There's a big pile of laundry waiting to be put away - it can wait.

I can't see how it will be easier with a newborn, particularly if DS gets jealous, but glad to hear that some people have that opinion it gives me hope!

enormouse Fri 30-Aug-13 18:12:40

Thank you for posting this thread. I'm 19wks and have a 22 month old DS. Feeling exhausted has coincided with non walking ds finally finding his feet and wanting to RUN all the time and wanting to go out and emptying my cupboards and climbing on the furniture and all over me.

I just feel like yelling 'just 5 minutes.....please leave mummy alone for 5 minutes! I just want a cup of tea!!'

Totesamazeballs Fri 30-Aug-13 18:12:41

Sorry to hear everyone finding things tough. I am too but mainly because I have awful morning sickness. I am on anti emetics but basically can't look after my toddler so my parents are doing the lion's share of work.

8 weeks and hopeful things might improve after the first trimester.

Locketjuice Fri 30-Aug-13 18:13:26

I have an 18 month old and a two week old... I felt so shit when I was pregnant I couldn't run around with him and just generally a shit mum but I got through it and he loves his little sister smile not long ladies smilesmile

MummyPig24 Fri 30-Aug-13 19:37:53

It's hard! When I fell pregnant with dc2, dc1 was 19months. It was fine but I had mild spd so lifting him was hard. He was a pretty easygoing toddler. Until he stopped sleeping when I was 30 weeks, and didn't sleep properly again for almost a year. I was sooo tired!

Now I am 11 weeks with dc3, my others are 5 and 3 and it has been hard over the summer holidays. I've felt very sick too, almost constant nausea, much worse than previous pregnancies. I've been very tired and ratty too. The children are just so full on, absolutely full of energy and mischief. I'm coping, but I'm tired now. I need a break!

PenelopeLane Fri 30-Aug-13 19:56:39

I am trying to find some good toddler groups to take ds to once dd is born as his previous activities - gym - would probably be too hard afterward as ds still needs my help for the beam etc. Music maybe?

locket that's good news. Is ds jealous at all?

maggiethemagpie you must be due at a similar time to me, due 3/10 here

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