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friend had v premature baby

(10 Posts)
maggiethemagpie Sun 18-Aug-13 21:10:38

Just found out my friend had her baby very premature, at 26 weeks. They are both still in hospital, it's by no means guaranteed baby will make it. Is it appropriate or inappropriate to send congrats/new baby card at this point? I want to send her something but not sure if it is appropriate to congratulate her yet.

If anyone else has been in the unfortunate position my friend is in, what is the best thing to say/what should I not say?


jaykay987 Sun 18-Aug-13 21:32:34

sorry to hear that.

I've not been in the situation myself, but I would suggest a "thinking of you" card might be more appropriate. Congratulate her inside in your message, but maybe not on the outside of the card IYSWIM.

TangfasticMrFoxalastic Sun 18-Aug-13 22:16:44

Not been in that position either, but would say the same, a nice card that shows you're thinking of them. You could always follow up with a congrats/welcome home card later. You sound a very thoughtful friend

midori1999 Sun 18-Aug-13 22:29:35

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's baby. You sound very kind and thoughtful.

My twin girls were born at 24 weeks. Sadly, Megan died shortly after birth and Imogen lived for 9 days in NICU before we sadly lost her too. We knew this was very likely as they were so premature and my waters around Megan had ruptured at 14 weeks.

Anyway... I can't speak for everyone, but I certainly felt I wanted to celebrate the birth of my daughters even though the future was uncertain. I definitely didn't want it to be all doom and gloom. I had given birth to my children after all and just like everyone else, I wanted to celebrate their lives. That said, one of the hardest things was that people just didn't seem to understand what a difficult time it was or how serious it can be when babies are born that early. People kept asking us when Imogen could come home as if it would be soon and for a baby that premature even if they do survive they aren't likely to until around their due date.

So, I would personally buy a card congratulating your friend on the birth of her baby, but probably write inside that you realise this will be a very difficult time for her and you are there for her if she needs you or anything.

If you want to do anything practical, we found food parcels/meals cooked was really useful as the time you spend in NICU is all consuming.

CelticPromise Sun 18-Aug-13 22:39:11

I agree with Midori. I was very happy to get congrats cards on the birth of my very tiny, very sick 27 weeker. Best wishes to your friend.

Smerlin Mon 19-Aug-13 15:03:27

I would send a card saying congratulations. My friend had her baby at 25 weeks who survived and she definitely was 'celebrating' the baby's arrival even though we all knew it was a difficult time and it was touch and go for a while.

ExpatAl Tue 20-Aug-13 09:54:51

I completely agree with Midori. It's a difficult time for your friend but she's had a baby and feels all things that a new mum feels plus a whole load on top.
I also suggest that you tell your friend specifically what you can help with, ie, meals on Weds & Thurs, a box set and and any grocery shopping they need.

maggiethemagpie Wed 21-Aug-13 20:00:46

Thanks for the responses. My friend is out of hospital now and the baby is doing ok in nicu but they are taking one day at a time. I got a blank card with a nice design on (didn't feel right getting a new baby card) and inside wrote congratulations and that she was a little fighter and hopefully could come home soon. I think it was one of the hardest cards I've ever written in that I didn't want to assume everything would be ok but at the same time didn't want to be doom and gloom either. She is an old school friend so not someone I see all the time but as we were pregnant together we were planning on doing a lot of mummy stuff together as our mat leaves will be similar.

The baby is a week old now, I don't know much about these things but presume that's a really good sign and the longer she lives the better the chances - don't know at what point you can say they are out of the woods though.

I do feel for my friend and anyone else who's been in this position, must be very hard having to come home from hospital without your baby when they have been inside you for however long.....can't imagine it really but if the baby survives then I guess that's the main thing.

Dadoflittleone Sat 11-Aug-18 09:30:31

This website sells lovely cards especially designed to be appropriate for a premature baby, with images and messages that are very sweet and contemporary.

They've included examples of messages you might write inside the card that are sensitive to parents with a baby in the NICU.

I hope this helps.

dinosaurkisses Sat 11-Aug-18 10:35:23

@dadoflittleone that’s a great website

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