declining fertility after the age of 35 is it really that bad?

[jsmummy]

I've just read an article in the current issue of Real magazine about the decline in fertility after the age of 35. It's a really scary story with lots of sad stories of women who tried and failed to get pregnant in their mid to late thirties.

I am 35, will be 36 in Oct and already have a 4yo by my ex husband. I'm now with a younger man (25yo) who is keen to have one child with me and the aforementioned piece has just panicked me. We've been together for nearly 2 years and I've always known he wants a child/ren, but I'm not quite sure about it since my ds will be at school in Sept and I'm sort of looking forward to having some time to myself (or will I be bored s*less?). However, I now feel the clock is ticking loud and clear! Is it or are there loads of mums out there who conceived easily after 35?

Should I get my coil taken out NOW! and is it now or never or do you think I've got some time? I think I probably do want another one and then that will be it and I do think that my partner would be justified in leaving me if I didn't want any more since he does want a child of his own and it doesn't seem fair to him if I don't. Any similar experiences/thoughts? Thanks.

[Rhiannon]

jsmummy, I didn't think the clock ticked so much if you've had a child already or am I being naive? R.

[Eulalia]

I conceived my 2nd child about a month before my 36th birthday and was shocked at how easy it was. In fact I was more or less trying not to get pregnant. No 1 was conceived at age 33 and that was on the 2nd month after stopping the pill. DH is now 56 and age doesn't seem to be affecting him either (although I know it is different for men). I am sure it varies a lot between women and these are just general trends.

My DH had children with a former marriage but I'd say that us having a child (and another one on the way) together has definately been positive. I'd say go for it so the age gap between kids isn't too big.

[Joe1]

I am 35 this year and have just fallen for number 2 again really easily, No1 was within a month when I was 32. I think it depends on the individual too. Although saying that, if we had not decided for number 2 now and waited I dont think we would have had anymore because I would not have liked to have been much older to start with a baby all over again. Good luck with what ever you decide.

[Pupuce]

I have 4 colleagues who all had babies way after their 35th (some closer to 40). I have a SIL who had her first at 34 3/4 and is still planning number 2. And then there is Cherie Blair, Jodie Foster, Meg Ryan (I think was over 35), and loads of other celebrities...

[SueDonim]

There seems no doubt that physically a woman's fertility and the quality of eggs does start to drop off after 35. My neighbour recently adopted a little boy because she'd had an early menopause (before age 40 is the definition, I think) but equally there are many women who have had babies in their forties, me included. There is a blood test available to check on menopause hormone levels, I don't know whether it can actually predict the time of menopause but it might be worth asking your doctor if you're worried.

[slug]

I was 35 when I concieved the sluglet. We were expecting it to take at least 6 months given our age, my chequered menstrual history (to call me irregular is to understate the problem my periods are anywhere from 4 weeks to 6 months apart) and our generally less than healthy lifestyle. However, 4 weeks after deciding to start trying, there was the thin blue line. This has been the experience of all my post 30 friends, with the exception of one who has polycystic ovaries. You have proven fertility, what about your partners?

[jsmummy]

yes, he's fertile, we got pregnant nearly a year and a half ago when the relationship was too new and fragile to deal with it. Morning after pill failure lead to abortion, sadly, but yes, we do know that we can conceive together.

[krissyo]

js mummy,
Hi I'm new on here and am trying for my 2nd one now, I'll be 38 in april and I've been trying now for 6 months. I had my first at 36 and took 6 months with him too so I should be pg soon. I have 2 sil who had babys at 40 for their 1st children and 1 of them had her 2nd at 42! Were a late starting family I guess! So I wouldnt worry too much you have a few years left but don't put off too long just wait till your ready

[soothepoo]

jsmummy - I was nearly 41 when I conceived, and it happened very quickly - just one month after we made the decision to go for it! I would definitely recommend getting an ovulation kit.

I don't know if the coil has any temporary effect on a woman's fertility after it's been removed - it might be worth discussing this with your doctor.

[soothepoo]

Oh - I meant to add good luck!

[wendym]

Unfortunately as we get older both the chance of conceiving and the chance of carrying to term decline. You also run a higher risk of having a child with Downs syndrome. There are quite a few mothers who have healthy children past 40, jsmummy, but if you are sure you want another child its probably best to go for it fairly soon. Don't panic over it since you know you are both fertile but don't leave it too many years either.

[Hilary]

My mum was 37 when she had my sister and 40 when she had me. My dad was a couple of years younger. My Grandma was 23 when she had her first and 47 when she had her last (with 4 inbetween) Don't let age put you off, I wouldn't have swapped my childhood for anything

[clary]

jsmummy - I had my two when i was 35 and 37 (38 now - eek!). I would say you had plenty of time, especially as you know you are both fertile. Really to echo earlier postings saying do it when you're ready and good luck. Do think the medical profession is more geared up to 'older' mums these days (as so many people are leaving it till their 30s) - i found my doctor very unphased by what i thought was my advanced age! Incidentally I conceived within months of trying but do appreciate how lucky i have been.

[Lindy]

I conceived just before my 42nd birthday 10 months after coming off the pill (just about to asume it was an early menopause!). Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

[JoMorel]

I'm 39 and got pregnant at my first try!!! I'm 5 days overdue just waiting for it all to start and I haven't had any complications so far (touch wood).I thought it would take months.
I do look after myself and have done regular exercise for years, I'm sure this helped and it's never too late to start!

How about if you have your coil removed and try an alternative method of contraception until you're really sure? You know the old saying 'No time is the right time' as far as having children is concerned......

Good luck

Jo

[Joe1]

JoMorel, another mumsnet baby very soon, good luck and dont forget to let us all know, we like to know you know.

[jasper]

JoMorel, how exciting. The last few days in pregnancy are so strsnge, aren't they?
Very best of luck and please let us know all the details!

[jsmummy]

Thanks everyone, will keep you posted!

[JoMorel]

Hi, thanks for all your words of encouragement. I'm going into hospital tonight to be induced, I'll let you know what happens

Joxx

[Marina]

JoMorel, BEST of luck. And Bloss too - be funny if both babes arrived on the same day, time difference allowed for!

[JoMorel]

Hi all

Lilian was born at 11.45pm on Tuesday 12th Feb after 24+ hours labour. Didn't need to be induced after all as my contractions had already started when I reached the hospital.

She was a stubborn one though (in a posterior position) so I had a ventouse delivery and a few stitches. She's absolutely beautiful and just one look at her makes all the soreness disappear.....

[jodee]

JoMorel, wonderful news, congratulations!

[Bumblelion]

JoMorel, congratulations. Same birthday as my son who has just turned 5. I hope Lilian brings you as much joy as all 3 of mine have and may she be as happy/joyful/laid-back as my dear son.