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Pregnancy

NOT having family to stay/ support after ELCS..will we regret it?

21 replies

Kelly1814 · 31/07/2013 20:10

Hi all

High risk pregnancy and now advised will be having ELCS on medical grounds. We live overseas so just myself and DP. We're quite happy about this....our respective parents have offered to come to visit/ support, but we decided we want time together as a new family...this is our first and highly likely our only child. We are also pretty independent and have been ex pats for years.

Everyone keeps asking if my mum/his mum will be flying in 'to help'. They are aghast when we say no.

Are we missing something here? Will we regret it? We are lucky that we have a frequent cleaner who will take care of the housework so no worries there. Any thoughts or experiences gratefully received :)

OP posts:

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YoMamma · 31/07/2013 20:40

I had a EMCS with DD last year and we managed perfectly well. We had visitors to see DD but nobody to 'help out' as such. Recovery from ELCS is meant to be much quicker and easier than EMCS because your body hasn't had to go through contractions etc first. I think you'll be fine. Good luck!!

superram · 31/07/2013 20:43

How long will DP have off work? I had an emergency section and I needed help but DH went back to work after a week. Maybe ask them to come out after about 2 weeks?

feekerry · 31/07/2013 20:43

i had a section and recovery was great. really easy. we didn't need any help at all.
if you already had a young dc i can see extra help at times would be useful bit if its your first you will be fine!

SingingSands · 31/07/2013 20:46

If you prepare in advance, which you can because you'll have a section date, then I'm sure you'll be fine. Sounds lovely actually, my family and in-laws descended and it was too much for me as I was used to it just being DH and I (we live hundreds of miles from family). Enjoy a little babymoon before family come visiting

impatienttobemummy · 31/07/2013 20:48

I had an EMCS and had DH for a week it was fine.

prissyenglisharriviste · 31/07/2013 20:53

We were same. O'seas. Can't remember how much time dh had off but it was fine - he went back to work reasonably quickly and I just got on with it. Drove earlier than supposed to (about 4 weeks instead of six) and that was the only thing that was a pita, tbh. If you have someone who can get groceries, or get them delivered, that will be easier. The grocery store was on the other side of town.

The baby stuff was a cinch. The not being able to drive a bit harder.

noblegiraffe · 31/07/2013 20:53

My DH took 3 weeks paternity after my EMCS, which was ok, although I felt pretty grim and couldn't drive till 6 weeks.

After my ELCS I felt pretty good and was signed off to drive after 2 weeks.

Whether you need help when DP goes back to work depends on your recovery, how long your DP will have off (two weeks minimum I reckon) and whether you need to drive.

Chopsypie · 31/07/2013 20:57

Depends very much on how you feel. I've had two sections, one of which I was okay after a few days. But y second was much worse and I was ill for a while. If you have a cleaner and your DH is aware that for a few weeks you will do nothing but care for baby then you should be okay. Just take it easy

maggiethemagpie · 31/07/2013 21:02

My SIL got an infection after her C section and needed help from my mother (who she doesn't get on with, so it must have been bad) for a few weeks as my brother had to go back to work.
When I had a section my partner was off work for four weeks so we managed ok.
Totally depends on your circumstances, in particular how long your partner will be off, but be prepared for the unexpected - can family be on 'standby'?

ChunkyPickle · 31/07/2013 21:03

I was in the same situation, and didn't regret it at all (even sent DP back to work after a couple of days because it was pointless having him hanging around, and he only worked a 5 minute walk away if I needed him).

It was lovely, just the 3 of us, a little family figuring it all out together.

It did cause some upset in the family though - so it's great if yours don't mind.

MummyLuce · 31/07/2013 21:16

No it's fine. I had an ELCS and no one came to help! My boyfriend was back at work soon after and DD and I were just fine. I was in selfridges shopping 72 hours after !

Meglet · 31/07/2013 21:40

As long as your DH can get 2 (or more) weeks off then you should be fine. Just rest all the time, no housework or cooking and let your body heal up. I slobbed out for a month after my planned section and it did me the world of good.

Kelly1814 · 01/08/2013 08:17

ah thanks all, you've made me feel so much better!

DH has his own business so technically he can close the doors for as long as he wants (although unlikely!) but when he does work he can also pick and choose the hours and times.

I think we'll agree he'll take 2 weeks and then see how we feel. we are very lucky that we can have so much home help, i will literally have to do nothing. there's shops and beach in walking distance so if i'm feeling up to it i can stroll out to get groceries and fresh air as needed.

like some have said, we're really looking forward to a lovely little baby bubble just the three of us for a while.....

OP posts:

NatashaBee · 01/08/2013 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kelly1814 · 01/08/2013 09:36

that's what i thought natasha and what some friends have said to me, i want to be relaxed and that's not going to happen with a house full of people, however well meaning they are.

OP posts:

Amibambini · 01/08/2013 16:07

Hi Kelly.
My birth is still a while away, so far its a low risk pregnancy so fingers crossed for a smooth birth, and it's my first so can't really offer any experienced and wise advice re ELCS.

However my parents are also 1000's of miles away and my immediate family have had a major freak out at our request that they come a week after the latest possible due date. My partner and I are keen to have at least a week without too many visitors, giving us a head start with bonding time and space to get our heads around our new addition. And who knows, maybe my birth will suck and I'll need some serious recovery time.

Originally my parents wanted to come pretty close to the due date for two weeks, but having seen so many of my friends being induced at 42 weeks and not enjoying the recovery process with a captive family audience, I made what seemed like a reasonable, practical request. I mean, I want them to also be guaranteed plenty of active baby time.

Oh no, I may as well have asked them to wait until the child has turned 18. [wishing for an eyerolling smiley]

Strangely, the people (my sister included) who are clutching their pearls in horror at my selfish request for some early days space, are ones that don't have kids, or newborns are but a very distant memory. The people who have recently given birth are all nodding vigorously and agreeing with me. Funny that.

Good luck with your birth, have a lovely time just the three of you and then a just as equally fab time once you have recovered and your parents are there!

crazyhead · 01/08/2013 16:11

I had a crash section last time and didn't really need much help except for some OH cosseting. From what I've heard, round the clock family help becomes far more relevant if you are heading for c-section number two and have a toddler to look after (my situation). Generally, I really appreciated my family's support when I had my first baby, but I did value a few weeks mainly on my own with my newborn.

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 01/08/2013 16:13

You've got no other children, your dh can be around, and you have a cleaner.

Not having any visitors sounds bloody lovely.

If your mum/mil are the supportive type (ie they'll actually help, rather than sitting on the sofa cuddling the baby while you look after them) then it might be nice to invite them (separately) once your dh is properly back at work.

phlebas · 01/08/2013 16:29

It should be fine - I've had 4 sections (including one fairly traumatic emergency one where I had a big pph) & managed fine with just dh around. He took 2 weeks paternity leave each time & then worked flexible hours so he could be home in time to give the children dinner for another couple of weeks.

Emberlina76 · 01/08/2013 18:59

I had an elective with my son, had him on the thurs, out if hosp on the sat and DH went back to work on the Monday. All I really needed was someone to calmly DS downstairs for me in the morning, I was fine!

neversleepagain · 01/08/2013 19:12

I had an EMCS with my twins and found myself very emotional for about 3/4 weeks (they were prem so I think this had a lot to do with it). I was very glad to have my mother around (she stayed with us for 8 weeks and I cried buckets when she had to leave). We are very close and I wanted her after the birth more than my DP which surprised me.

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