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What is wrong with my man, he should be so happy!!

(12 Posts)
blondebaby111 Tue 16-Jul-13 12:45:04

Just a little rant really, in the beginning we were so so happy to find out I was finally pregnant after a long struggle. But slowly his happiness has seemed to turn to misery.

He is snappy, he says he doesn't feel happy inside and he doesn't know what is wrong. We have been together a long time and never had any problems but since I've become pregnant we fall out over the silliest of things and some days I just hate him , I know I shouldn't say this because when he is himself he is lovely, kind and full of fun.

I just can't put my finger on what is wrong, I'm thinking maybe he's slightly depressed but as soon as I mention he should go to the doctors he says he is fine!!
Does pregnancy do funny things to a man?? I know I should be hormonal but it seems to be the other way round, I'm so so happy and can't believe we finally have our miracle growing inside me but my fiance is just dampening my high spirits sad I worry if he's not coping with things now how will he be when baby arrives and I need lots of support xx

MooseBeTimeForSpring Tue 16-Jul-13 12:50:52

My DH was like this for a couple of weeks. He was worried about how the pregnancy would impact on me physically. He was also worried about not being a good enough father.

He needn't have worried. He's a brilliant Dad smile

MrsGSR Tue 16-Jul-13 13:09:34

I bought my DH a pregnancy book for blokes and the first chapter is all about how a lot of guys feel overwhelmed and worried when they find out their partners are expecting, even when they've been ttc!

It's definitely normal to have mixed emotions, even when it's a much wanted pregnancy smile

blondebaby111 Tue 16-Jul-13 13:37:51

But is it normal to sulk and treat u like crap. We had a silly row this morning so we are not speaking! I hate all thiis but he started it and I'm not prepared to make the first move this time. I just feel I don't know him and heks bottling something up inside. I've just texted him to say I'm so upset and I guess I wasn't very nice in the text but I'm just so frustrated. Its meant to be a happy time for us but I'm just scared this is gonna cause us to break! X

chillisbopper Tue 16-Jul-13 13:47:52

My DH was similar, we argued loads because he just stopped talking at times and felt so distant, he was just really overwhelmed and worried about money/being a good parent/baby being healthy/me being healthy etc. it's such an emotive time for the men as much as the women. Try to take a night off from being the expectant parents and go out to dinner/the cinema it will remind him that even with a baby you're still a couple and hopefully relax him enough for you both to be able to express how you're feeling and not argue, perhaps then you can tell him you'd just like a little support during this time. Doing that really helped us anyway smile

Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way! thanks

belatedmaybe Tue 16-Jul-13 14:22:53

Pregnancy is huge for both parties, you are pg you can feel that, dream and hope. He just has abstracts. It isn't right but it is real. Many men desperate to be fathers are terrified when it happens and handle it badly. It doesn't make it ok but it is real. Honestly I would say you need to find a point when you are both calm and explain you understand his freak out but that it isn't ok and he needs to deal with it. Explain how it makes you feel and what you need from him. Yes it is sexist but so many men need direction at this stage. Congratulations on your pregnancy smile

ReikiMummy Tue 16-Jul-13 15:07:44

Lol - at times i think my OH is coming out in sympathy with me regarding hormones!

I think it's hard for the blokes, we get to feel everything physical with the little ones inside us, whether thats first kicks, jabs to the kidneys/lungs and even morning sickness - they don't get that bit.

I've had similar thoughts to you OP, wondering if we'll actually make it through this pg and be together at the end of it! :S But we've made it this far (40w 5d) and the key for us is to give each other a bit of space, and then talk/hug/cry/laugh - reconnect with each other.

Takes a bit of doing especially when OH seems to be the one who went off on one over something, but then I just think about the last time i went off on one, and it balances out in the end.

As much as I tell him what i need from him at this point, I also make sure though I ask him what he needs from me. Its so easy for me to get all consumed (rightly so!!!?!??) with all things "baby" and "Housey" and it can seem that i forget there was a "Couple" there in the first place that made the baby!

belatedmaybe Tue 16-Jul-13 15:16:49

Good wisdom from reikimummmy, it is all a two way street.

MmeLindor Tue 16-Jul-13 15:18:46

Is he worrying about something? Some guys find the change to being a single breadwinner difficult.

Can you talk to him about it, or does he close off?

Rosenip Tue 16-Jul-13 16:21:56

Congrats on your pregnancy!

My DH and I had a frank discusion after a previous loss about whethere we would ttc again straight away afterwards - the 1st was a surprise pregnancy...

the crux of that discussions was, he is my number 1, and will continue to be so, our dc will therefore see an example set by us about how important a loving relationship is and decisions will be taken together. he was able to bat away a comment he got at work yesterday 'oh soon you'll be number two then...' and he replied 'nope, my dw and I have discussed this and we are both happy with the promise we've made to each other about us remaining each other's number 1'.

Maybe he's worried about not being your number 1..?

blondebaby111 Thu 18-Jul-13 09:46:18

We are now fine, after I sent the txt with how I felt we both said sorry and I do admit I think I am more highly strung and a bit more sensitive to things since being pregnant so I think we were both at fault that morning. I guess it is hard for am man, I think sometimes we are so consumed with being pregnant and we know we feel different for a man it must just take a while to sink in. He does seem a lot happy yesterday and back to his normal self so I hope it carries on this way. Thanx for your comments on this, it made me feel I wasn't going insane and lots of men act a bit odd at first xx

Thingymajigs Thu 18-Jul-13 10:11:47

My partner has reacted oddly too. He was more excited about the pregnancy than I was after trying for a year but after the initial excitement wore off he started to worry. Mainly that something would go wrong. I noticed he smelt slightly of cigarette smoke one day despite quitting over a year and a half ago. He finally admitted he had smoked a few due to the stress. hmm I'm not impressed at all but don't feel like I can say much so I'm just hopeful that the 12 week scan helps him to relax. It's so odd because he's known for being very positive and upbeat.
I think men do react oddly sometimes even when its a much wanted pregnancy. Glad to hear you've sorted it out now.

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