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So i'm sitting here crying my eyes out

(58 Posts)

I am 17 weeks pregnant tomorrow and i'm having a bit of a melt down.

None of my clothes fucking fit and I have no money to buy new ones. I don't have a job and am living off DP's wage which is pitiful.

I have been looking for a job for over a year, applying to everything from cleaning to office admin and nobody will employ me. Pretty much given up now as no one will take on a pregnant lady.

I hate myself tonight. I feel fat and horrible and alone. DP works 5-7 days and other than him I don't know anyone in this city despite living here for 4 years.

How the fuck am I going to handle raising a child if I have a melt down over clothes?

CaptainCalamari Wed 10-Jul-13 18:20:26

Sorry to hear you're having such a shitty time crying
I am the queen of the meltdown, especially when pregnant and hormonal! Am hoping there's no correlation between that and my child rearing abilities grin
Regarding the clothes, can you get some of those waist-band expanders for a few quid, to get some more months out of trousers and jeans? Can DP cut down on anything for a week or two to give you the cash for a couple of tunics/ long tops to go with them?
I found when I had DS I met more people in his first year than I had in my adult life - loads of free baby groups to meet similar people.
Hope DP is home soon to give you a big hug flowers
Love the name by the way... its so true! When I'm having a meltdown half of me is thinking about whatevers upset me and the other half is feeling even worse because I know crying will make me feel even crappier!

Dp doesn't finish work till 8 and is then going to the cinema as he got a free ticket for a film he really wanted to see.

We can't cut down on anything to be honest, we already have his parents paying half the rent just so we have somewhere to live. I don't usually mind as we have enough money for food and if we're careful one treat a month.

I just feel so shit. I don't look pregnant, I look fat as I have no bump. I was walking past a group of teenagers earlier and they shouted that they should clear the path to let the whale through.

TwoTearsInABucket Wed 10-Jul-13 18:25:44

Well, I'm guessing hormones are playing a bit of a part in your tears, plus the frustration of your situation. You will be able to look after this child, promise!
Join freecyle and put a message out there for maternity clothes.
If you haven't made friends you as more likely to make friends once you've had the baby and go to baby groups etc. some people hate them but I needed human contact.
It's a bit emotional being pregnant.

I just feel so stupid. They're only clothes, but it is another thing that makes me feel like a failure.

TwoTearsInABucket Wed 10-Jul-13 18:27:57

I might add that I just look fat not pregnant as well. Ignore teenagers, those particular ones are twats.

ratbagcatbag Wed 10-Jul-13 18:29:28

What size are you? I have a bag of maternity stuff upstairs ready for charity shop, they're 18 and jeans etc are 29" leg (short arse)

i'm a 16-18 depending on what they are and also a short arse (nowt wrong with short people)

josiejay Wed 10-Jul-13 18:33:16

Ditto here, I have a bag of size 12 maternity clothes that I want to give away and can't find anyone who needs them! if they'd be any good to you just PM me.

EmB1715 Wed 10-Jul-13 18:34:37

I can totally sympathise with you. I don't have a bump yet either and I'm 19 weeks so wearing the same old stuff every day which is getting embarassing. We also have nooney as we just moved and waiting for DH first paycheck at new job. We're having to stay with DH family which sucks and borrow money from them. Times are hard. Talk to your DH and tell him you're feeling alone. I'm also lonely and feel like I have to wait for the baby to arrive so I can go and meet people at groups! Urgh!!

josiejay Wed 10-Jul-13 18:35:06

Sorry cross post. Well all I can offer you is an unmumsnetty hug.

josiejay Wed 10-Jul-13 18:37:11

There are groups you can go to that are for pregnant women as well as new mums EmB - bumps and babies run at most children's centres and are either free or a nominal £1ish charge.

It sucks doesn't it em Everyone tells me i'll make loads of friends once baby is here...but that is in December.

I've told DP how i'm feeling and while he is sympathetic he doesn't really know what to say to make me feel better, which admittedly isn't his fault because i don't know what I want him to say.

gertrudestein Wed 10-Jul-13 18:47:06

How horrible of those kids! You're at a really difficult stage - before you have a proper bump and can feel the baby kicking. Rest assured that soon you will be sporting a beautiful bump and will be kept company by the baby's movements. I felt like I looked horrific for most of my pregnancy but when I look back at photos I realise that actually I looked fine.

In the meantime, I agree with the other posters - join free cycle and see if you can get some maternity things that way. Also, mention how you're feeling to your midwife and see if she knows of any free clubs or meetings for pregnant women or new mums. And make sure that you're resting and treating yourself well - get outside, go for some walks in the lovely weather, write a diary and get some of your thoughts out of your mind.

I went for a walk the last two days and got sunburn both times despite wearing suncream sad

I don't think my next midwife appointment is till september either, so have a while till I can speak to her. I don't really feel like this is a reason to call.

PurplePidjin Wed 10-Jul-13 18:56:42

Search for "facebay <your area>" on Facebook and look for local second hand baby sales, you can often pick up maternity stuff for pence.

Hormones are a bitch, and this heat doesn't help. Every day, you grow a whole new person that little bit more - hell of an achievement, before you even get as far as cooking,cleaning etc thanks

i'm still crying. Thankyou for your advice though guys, I'll check out freecycle and the facebook thing.

PurplePidjin Wed 10-Jul-13 18:58:49

Actually it is a reason to call - there are things you'll need for the baby they can help with too, or try your local surestart. Antenatal Depression is a real thing, call them if you're feeling down.

PurplePidjin Wed 10-Jul-13 18:59:28


Signet2012 Wed 10-Jul-13 19:03:22

Where abouts are you op? Someone might be able to go on FB or free cycles and help keep an eye out or word of mouth.

bunchofposy Wed 10-Jul-13 19:03:49

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day. You poor thing. I found 17 weeks ish really hard too for some reason.

My local sure start centre was a lifesaver for me when I had my first and knew nobody. But they do ante-natal groups too. Really cheap ones. You are welcome at any you can get to. They are usually lovely and understand how hard it is becoming a new parent. Some have jobs clubs too, and they have family support workers who you could talk to about how you feel.

Another thing is Homestart who help families. And NCT do discount ante-natal classes so you could make friends that way too. Don't struggle on your own til December - in fact I'd strongly advise making contacts before the baby is born.

i'm in nottingham smile

JacqueslePeacock Wed 10-Jul-13 19:04:28

I have a size 16 maternity dress - would you like it? I also have a couple of bump bands so that you can wear your normal trousers with the button/zip open with the bump band over it, if you want them.

CakesAreNotTheAnswer Wed 10-Jul-13 19:04:52

I got some beautiful maternity clothes off free cycle. Far nicer than my not-maternity clothes! I also started going to bumps and babies groups when I was 11 weeks. That was 2 years ago and some of the mums I met then are my best friends here now. I just spent the day with three of them even though their kids are almost a year older than mine. It benefits him, too, because he had the confidence and abilities of a much older child through hanging out with them and I get hand me down clothes for him and good advice from people who've just been through what I'm going through. Can't recommend those groups highly enough.

and mn is a fucking life saver. Stick around x

ratbagcatbag Wed 10-Jul-13 19:05:09

Crying - pm me your address, I'm 16 to 18 generally, so most should fit you, couple of pairs of jeans and trousers and about five tops, lovely going out ones and a nice jumper too. If they don't fit all I ask if you free cycle them onto someone who can find a use for them.

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