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Just found out and need advice.

(7 Posts)
kc85 Thu 20-Jun-13 19:00:44

Ok i know i might get some stick but here goes,
A little under 2 years ago i found out i was pregnant, the father wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and got quite nasty, mix that with the fact i was in completely shock and fear from being pregnant, being alone etc i felt i was left with no choice and had a termination. After this i became really depressed and had counselling, finally after some time i got my life back together, got a new job and social life etc.

Then at the end of last year i met someone, i think at this point i should make you aware im 28 years old and currently back living in my parents house. Anyway things were going great, he had told me he was 21, however i became suspicious and did some checking and it turned out he was 17!!!!!! I split with him immediately.

Now 2 weeks on ive discovered im pregnant again! The fear and shock have set in and iv gone into panic mode! Every 5 minutes my mind changes from keeping it to having another termination. I have told the ex but in all honesty i can no longer look past his age, hes just far too young, id have to give up work and have no where to live! I really cant decide what to do!
My mum wants me to keep it but thats because shes against abortion.
I just feel like maybe i should wait to meet the person im going to settle down with instead of bringing a child into this world!

Also the fear of giving birth petrifies me!

I feel so lost sad

laura0007 Thu 20-Jun-13 19:03:57

I know what you're going through. I've had a termination in the past as I was too young and not in the right place to bring up a child. I was in a relatively new relationship and after 5 months together discovered I was pregnant, even though I was on the pill. My partner decided he didn't want to be a father and has left me. Stating he wanted me to have a termination. As I'd already had one and it wasn't a pleasant experience and stayed with me for a long time I really didn't think this was something I could do. So I've decided to keep my baby, ill be bringing it up alone with the support of my parents and friends. I'm only 26 and this isn't how I planned my life but I believe things happen for a reason.

laura0007 Thu 20-Jun-13 19:04:51

Apologies for lack of paragraphs! Also partner that left me after 5 months is the father of my current pregnancy not the one I had terminated!

Champagnebubble Thu 20-Jun-13 19:05:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kc85 Thu 20-Jun-13 19:18:23

One minute im like "Yea i can do this", the next im like "he's too young to be a father / im going to have no job/ people will laugh / maybe i should wait to find someone i love"
I do have a really supportive family, but i feel like im setting myself up for a fall sad

Lydia161290 Thu 20-Jun-13 20:20:57

I don't judge and nobody else should either.
What you're going through is rather shitty, but think it's very normal for you to feel so apprehensive and scared at the moment. Yes, the dad may be young, but just think about you and this baby. This baby is a part of you.

So the question you should be asking yourself is what do YOU want? This sounds cheesy, but listen to your heart. You obviously went through a lot when you got a termination before and it wouldn't really by nice to go through that again. It sounds to me like you don't want to abort this baby, it sounds like you really want this baby.

A lot of women go onto being spectacular, single mums in the hardest of situations. Everything will work out and I have no doubt you will be fine.

TinkyPeet Thu 20-Jun-13 20:49:35

Well, you have a job so you won't be left with no money and no job because as long as you work 26 weeks you are entitled to maternity pay, be it from your employer or from the government, and you have plenty of time to sort out your living arrangements, is staying with your parents while you save up an option? There is alot of help around for single parents through housing benefit and tax credits etc, you don't have to live off benefits and not work, when I was alone with my little boy (at 18) I was working 20 hours a week and managed to run a house and take care of us, with the help of what is available
....sorry I'm ranting.....
With your ex, u would say just tell him he can have as much involvement as he would like, and leave it at that, to be honest I found it easier raising my son as a single parent (long story) than I did when I met my husband! You basically get everything your way....lol
Good luck with making the decision, I hope you find the best solution for you xx

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