Most unhelpful unsolicited advice/comments while pregnant competition(158 Posts)
Went shopping today and am due in about a month. Only visited two places. Person behind first till decided to tell me how she could still remember the terrible pain of labour from 18 years ago. Person behind second till told me once I had the baby I would never go back to work. Riiiight.
Went out briefly at the weekend and some random posh-looking woman in the street shouted 'oh my God you're enormous'. Fortunately I don't have body issues but I can imagine some people would have gone home and sobbed.
Who else wants to play? What shall we have as a prize for the winner?
From colleagues, now that I've finished work, 'it must be great being able to eat ice cream all the time with your feet up', 'you only got pregnant to get out of work' and 'you have no idea how tired I am.'
Do you know what you're having?
Yes it's a boy!
Oh another boy. That's a shame. Never mind you can always try again for your girl.
This was from a consultant at the maternity unit!
Just been told taking paraceptamol will give me a deformed baby by FIL. Wouldn't listen to the fact I've talked to midwife then said " Well if they don't do it those other ones will " (cyclizine for hg)
I am afraid that I am guilty of a real foot in mouth unhelpful comment.
A casual acquaintance who was very pg with her second baby. And I commented 'I think it is so much worse with the second, because you know what's coming'.
Dear God I wished I had never been born. I said it totally without thinking. I am usually quite sensitive (honest). Poor woman went white.
My favorite so far has been: "you'd better get thick curtains because the traffic noise will give your baby a brain hemorrhage."
This one came from a mate's mil, I laughed hard, it's pretty quiet where we live anyway.
I've had versions of so many of these, I'm so glad it's not just me! I've had the "have you tried ginger" a looot, particularly after returning to work following six weeks off with the sickness. I also get told I'm massive a lot (I'm also measuring bang on) and also get the delighted "get used to it" when I say I'm tired/ not sleeping very well. Then there's the day I was told I looked dreadful and glowing within the space of about ten minutes.
My current favourite is when people say something along the lines of "oh no, girls are a nightmare, you'd be better off having a boy". We're very pleased and excited to meet our daughter in 10 weeks or so. Also, newsflash, there isn't generally an option to select what sex your baby will be, so it's not the most helpful advice anyway. I particularly enjoyed when my Dad sad this. Um, so that nightmare daughter would be me then? Cheers Dad!
Colleague at work 'You should not be eating those' - I was eating a bag of salt and vinegar square crisps!!
Should you be eating mayonnaise (fil) - err its Helmans love, not egg straight from the chicken!!!
Mil on finding out that I'm planning on going back to work part time after 9 months mat leave 'what do you mean you're going back to work, what about the baby'. Then didn't speak to me for half an hour as I mentioned the hideous words 'childminder' & 'nursery'. Apparently I should be desperate to be a sahm, unfortunately as she is not paying my mortgage or any other bills she can keep her nose out!!
From both mil and dh, You've got big hips, you'll have no problem popping the baby out, you'll have it done in a couple of hours. Their psychic powers amaze me, idiots!!!!!
People have said the following;
Are you going to have lots of kids to get more benefits? no because we are both employed
Do you not use contraception? noooooo
Was it planned? none of your fucking business
How many more will you have? when we decide we will let you know
Do you know who the dad is?
Don't have a csection you will get post natal depression and hate your baby.
Also no matter what I do it is wrong. For example when I worked I was told that my poor child would suffer at nursery. When I stayed at home I was told I needed to find something to do.
my childless rather immature colleague keeps telling me how his friend ripped "v to the a" during childbirth 3 times. then by the 4th the baby popped out so fast all over the sofa and she had to buy a new one. twat.
Ordered my once in a blue moon third trimester latte at Starbucks:
Barista: Would you like decaf?
Barista (looking at bump): Are you sure?
I thought she was going to refuse to serve me it!
What are you going to call her? Make it something sensible, please!!!!..... Said by my DF who usually doesn't come out with verbal shite.
Katielily12 It was in Bletchley-where were you? Or perhaps it's just a trait of wool shop employees to be less than tactful towards pregnant women?!
My nan has come out with a few classics. She saw our 20 week scan photo and repeatedly said the head looks huge, with that sympathetic look in her eyes. She also loves to tell me about how when she gave birth to my uncle she was ripped open from front to back. Apparently it was all hanging open and my grandad had to march up the hospital to have a stern word with the doctor to get her sorted out.
My mum has given some pretty appalling advice for when the baby is here. Apparently I shouldn't attend to my newborn immediately as the baby will manipulate me with crying. Also babies do not need to be cuddled, apparently they are not born with the need to be held/cuddled but learn to like it.
Believe me I am ignoring both of them!
Last week I was being told by an elderly lady that if I had delivered this baby when I was first treated for threatened pre-term labour (27 weeks) then it would have been kinder to leave the baby in the 'bucket room' like they used to. Partly because the baby would need so much help to survive but also because it would cost the NHS loads of money in both the short and long term and the baby would be disabled anyway. I'm so glad that she didn't say that to me when I was 27 weeks. I just about managed to be polite at 35 weeks
and that was because I had to be polite.
Last weekend I was taking part in that 'knitting in public thing'. Bless her - a God Botherer (... and I go to Mass - so I'm not anti-Christian, but I am against God-Bothering with intent to annoy - i.e. leaflets...) came sidling up and starting to talk about my bump asking when was it due? was it a boy or girl etc. etc....
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine... until she says "Women still die in childbirth don't they?
W. T. very F....
She scuttled away before one of the women I was knitting with stuck a nut on her.
... I'm still not sure of the motivation.
My MIL came out with some corkers last week on the phone, mostly relate to how her poor precious only child (DH) was going to cope.
Apparently it's madness to have the baby in our room for 6 months, how on earth will DH cope when he goes back to work? She doesn't buy the SIDS advice apparently.
Also, if he feels like he needs a break during labour he should just take himself off for a bit - after all, I wouldn't want him to get one of his migraines. These are the migraines that he's never suffered from in the 11 years I've know him, then?
And finally, maternity leave was much less generous in her day, as a teacher she stopped work at 7 months and only got 6 months' pay
Had a few corkers myself:
Was told today I would literally have no time for myself when baby is born. Thanks!
I will have cracked nipples, sleepless nights and no money while friend who tells me this will travel the world apparently.
After miscarriage and trying again friend rants to me about how she doesn't know why anyone would get married or have kids.
Those all said by one 'friend'.
I was eating a sausage and told I should be ashamed for eating it.
Told not to believe anyone who said childbirth can be painless (it can be for some as it was for my mum who had natural pain free birth and she doesn't lie!)
Told how I will have no money even though the people commenting have no idea of my financial situation.
Regaled with horror birth stories
Completely laughed at when I mentioned hypnobirthing
Told not to listen to NHS guidelines for what not to eat as it was a load of rubbish
Said I was going to use a sling for baby and someone commented saying 'I love how first time parents think they can just put baby here and there'.
Someone even said I shouldn't expect my husband to be there for me during the birth as he will be in shock. Fuck off, you don't know my husband!
Was also told I wouldn't be able to afford full time nursery, by a colleague. I said errr yes I will, finance is not a problem. I don't get people commenting when they don't know me or my husband's salaries!
Some of these are classics!
After going public at work with our news, even after explaining that we had to have IVF treatment, privately, people still asking how many kids we were going to have. When I said we might only be able to afford this one, a colleague said with shocked expression, you can't have one, you'll get one child syndrome (!) when I reminded her that we had DSS from DH's first marriage, she said he didn't count, and then went on to say that she felt sorry for me, because while I'm all excited about having PFB, DH won't really be bothered as he's been there, done that, and asked if I'd had to talk him into it!!!!
I managed not to slap her. Just. Grrrrrrr.
I'm 32 weeks, a neighbour said to my husband "Oh two of my friends have just had their babies prematurely."
WHY would she tell my husband that?
How lovely and reassuring - thanks you stupid twat.
I'm not to bothered by the standard..'oh what a high bump you've got' I had a really bad cold and the cashier looked at me and said, poor you, you should go and put your feet up. I cried i was touched that someone gave a shit!
What really annoys me is the 3 standard questions.
'When are you due'
'What are you having'
'Have you thought of any names'
I am having a c-section because i have placenta previa major so due date doesn't really mean anything. If i'm particularly irritable i'll answer with that! They'll wish they never asked!!
The worst one was when the midwife told us that I had pp major and would have to be brought into hospital on bedrest. She said
'whatever you do don't look on google, you'll see all sorts of horror stories!'
'well it's time to grow up now and start taking things seriously'
I'm thirty fucking six married woman with a career and a mortgage !!
'when are you going to wean the baby? Oh it's going to be big, you should start solids at 2 weeks otherwise you will never be able to leave the house of your just breastfeeding'
Baby was 6lbs 6oz and if anything, breastfeeding has made life a lot more flexible!!!
Also this was a nice one 'god you ain't half getting a large rear' yea thanx for that!
Thing is, I thought the comments were worse during pregnancy, but the things people say AFTER you have had the baby are worse in my experience. But we won't go there
Ds1 was a lovely smiley toddler. I was visibly pregnant with ds2 and buying a ticket for charity from a lady. Ds1 grinned at her. She said
"He's lovely, isn't he? My eldest was like that, and then his brother was born and he got depressed and was never the same again. He's 20 now and still depressed. So he ( indicating ds1) might get depressed when you have this baby."
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