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Being 'mean' to your husband during pregnancy and a bit emotional?

(37 Posts)
Bejeena Thu 13-Jun-13 11:13:27

OK so I am wondering if this is happening to anyone else. Of course in an ideal world I'd love to think that everyone will tell me that my husband is being an @rse and I am totally normal, but I am a realist and I know that he is a fabulous man, I wouldn't have married him otherwise.

I am 30 weeks pregnant. Oh and I don't think it helps that he doesn't believe in or understand hormones, probably thinks women make it up (but oh god help us if I try to speak to him after he has had a hard day at work and is tired!)

I sometimes feel like I am constantly apologising to my husband for biting his head off about something that is meaningless because I am just annoyed that he doesn't do things around the house, or rather he doesn't do things around the house immediately. I am not talking about picking up after himself, he does that no problem, but more about sort of 'shared' household things.

Like for example on Sunday night he got some washing in that was dry and put the basket of folded stuff on floor next to table. We don't iron so this stuff was just to be put away and consisted mainly of bedding but also a few clothing items belonging to each of us, him more than me. This morning I kind of lost my box because it was still there and he hadn't actually thought to put it away (I just wanted to see how long it would be until he realised hence didn't put away myself, plus he says he doesn't want me straining and putting bedding away means bending down as we have underbed storage for it). This morning I was also annoyed because he went to empty the dishwasher just as I was about to make my breakfast and there is only space for 1 in the kitchen and I was just mad that he hadn't done this last night. It is a bit like everything has to be done when it is convenient for him!

Then I am sad that I just don't feel he shows much love or treats me like I would like. Like sometimes I'd like a cup of tea in bed or something on the weekend, but he sleeps so late (until 12) that I just have to blooming well get up and make it myself. This goes on to another incident on Sunday morning when I was opening the shutter in bedroom at about 10:00am I managed to whack myself in the chin with the shutter handle it was really painful so I screeched out a load 'Oww' to which he woke up and asked what was wrong. I was so annoyed about the prospect of spending yet another Sunday morning alone while he sleeps that I just replied shorty 'I've banged myself in the chin that is all, nothing with the baby' and he just went back to sleep. I got myself some ice and felt sorry for myself and still have a big bruise :-(

I know a lot of this is silly and me just being over the top and pregnant but I was wondering if anyone else was the same? I feel like I am constantly being horrible to him and that my needs are pointless.

Oh and catching up on Corrie last night didn't help either, David bought Kylie the pregnancy pillow as she was having trouble sleeping and Marcus bought Maria the necklace. He wouldn't think to do anything like that, not that I am expecting him to buy me stuff at all but sometimes just the little thought would be nice like a little bunch of flowers or pack of maltesers or something just so that I knew he cared. Instead I just get mad at him for silly reasons which upsets me and then I go out and get him a little treat to say sorry or to cheer him up and say thanks for putting up with me (I am not talking a major pressie here, just like a chocolate bar or something)!

Please someone else tell me they are also acting silly like this and that we are both completely normal!

Woodifer Sun 16-Jun-13 16:23:03

oh i need to show this thread to DH so he knows he is not alone!!

starsandstripes72 Sun 16-Jun-13 07:02:59

My dh literally cannot do ANYTHING right. The most 'annoying' thing he does at the moment is going to the shops to get me something tasty I've specifically asked for and coming back with something completely different because he thought 'i might like it instead'. Actually sobbed my eyes out last night when I begged him to get me a white chocolate magnum icecream or a twister an he comes back with this dark chocolate and caramel magnum. I detest dark chocolate!!!! Personally i think he deserved the 2 hour tantrum that followed...i still didnt get my icecream sad

Jollyb Fri 14-Jun-13 18:34:39

I have the reverse . A DP who opens the curtains before I've had a

LabradorMama Fri 14-Jun-13 17:04:31

Fairy I hear ya - mine dried himself on a hand towel this morning because couldn't be arsed to get a bath sheet off the bedroom radiator. I've begged him not to do this and have taken to only having one hand towel out at a time (because he used to use all three)

He also never opens the blinds - only the door curtain (I assume because it's an easy, one hand type job) so we also look like we live in a crack den.

I really fancied a glass of juice this morning but picked up the carton out of the fridge and there was just the teensiest dribble left. I know he supped the lot from the carton and couldn't be arsed to put it in the bin

And he left the drive gates open so I had to trot out in my dressing gown to shut them before letting the dogs out

And breeeeathe ......

purpleaura Fri 14-Jun-13 16:40:34

lol beth27123- i know- how dare they breathe?! isn't is incredible that an ill-timed, or over-loud breath, or (god-forbid) both can provoke such fury?! Bless 'em!

Nellysgirl- go on! Spill! We all want to hear how very unreasonable you were!

HelgatheHairy Fri 14-Jun-13 14:35:54

I wanted to throw DH out of bed last night. It's quite humid where we live (south west Ireland but think the heat is getting to me more than normal) and I'm finding it really hard to get comfortable in bed. And DH will NOT stick to his side of the bed!! I got up to pee and when I came back into the bedroom I could see he'd shifted over and his pillow was actually on top of mine and he was lying on his stomach on most of my side of the bed!!! I shoved him over but then ended up lying there fuming for ages more!

beth27123 Fri 14-Jun-13 14:27:53

oH is a pain. A total pain. Well he isn't...but he is.
I spent four hours throwing up while he sat downstairs because he 'didnt want to bother me' and then came up with a muffin and some apple juice. Well...thanks a f*cking bunch you twat. He breaths too, I have a serious issue with that.

superbadspeller Fri 14-Jun-13 14:21:34

Df got out of bed before me this morning .... i got really really angry at him and fumed i. Bed for 20 minutes confused i have no idea why! It's not like we have a schedule but i was so angry i wanted to cry blush

Nellysgirl Fri 14-Jun-13 14:18:31

Oh I have been in stitches reading through your experiences. Only because I can relate to nearly every single one.
Please keep them coming.
Trying to pluck up the courage to tell you about my very unreasonable behaviour this morning. I'm quite ashamed of myself confused

TinkyPeet Fri 14-Jun-13 14:01:55

I love this thread. It makes me feel slightly better about throwing a jug at my dh last night because his attempt at washing up wasn't good enough and the jug was on the wrong side of the drainer.
I followed this by ordering him upstairs to sweep the bathroom floor as he hasn't taken his shoes off at the foot of the stairs (where the bloody shoe basket is) and got dried mud all over after I had made the effort of carrying the vacuum upstairs (what I had forgotten to mention was I didn't actually vacuum in the end - not the point !)
Have lost count of the times I have said 'will you stop biting your disgusting nails you fucking cretin!' Over the past few months....

Health visitor came today, asked questions and gavel a leaflet on domestic abuse. To which I laughed and said 'he isn't brave enough trust me' the hmm

purpleaura Fri 14-Jun-13 13:44:25

This is a great thread! I'm loving the towel and nostril digging updates! Im 28 wks, and here's my confession... the other night, I asked DP to pass me the TV remote, which he did, but he put it down just beyond my reach. He absolutely didn't do it on purpose, he just didn't realise that it would make me howl!! Through my sobs, I had a mini-rant about how cruel it was to do that to a pregnant woman! Poor man. He's so lovely! I noticed him taking in a deep breath (!!) but quietly enough so that i wouldn't notice too much and get annoyed at that too!!

And I'm definitely with knittinggirl- if you find yourself wishing he was doing something, just ask, then you don't get all wound up inside.

Oooh and a top tip- sign your DP up for the weekly NHS pregnancy emails. You can tell him its got loads of good tips for dads to be, which it has. But it also reminds them to make sure they are helping us out, doing more housework and explains about hormones and emotional stuff. I think its really helped him be more aware of what its like for me, without any crying or ranting on my part smile

Good luck all!

muddybloodypuddles Fri 14-Jun-13 09:53:39

I'm with you on the nose picking but now I've got DS doing it too (wonder where he gets that from hmm )
We had a little chat last night about talking to each other and treating each other with 'respect' as he thinks I speak to him like a child sometimes (well if the shoe fits?!)
I was feeling quite mellow for a few weeks but looks like the short temper is back :-/ - unfortunately the cat and dog get shouted sometimes too blush - I always imagined I'd be some kind of patient and loving 'earth mother' type, apparently not! (although there's still time right?!)

fatandlumpy Fri 14-Jun-13 09:03:39

Fairy - I actually lol'ed at the kicking of the bollocks thing.

... and I'm so with Gerty about getting annoyed at yourself for being so tolerant and forgiving in the past. The horrible truth is - my Mum used to have these mini' 'go's at me for being soft on the OH, but now she's laughing her arse off as I'm constantly on the phone whinging.

I mean -he's a good man. In fact he's one of the best men I've ever met - i just don't understand what's so God Damn fascinating about the contents of his nostrils. At EVERY opportunity now... in the car, in the bath, when he's watching TV. I'm not sure if I'm hypersensitive to it - and I'm even less sure how I managed to filter out the nasal explorative frenzy. It's not just the fact he has a finger up it all the sodding time - it's the unbridled, joyful enthusiasm with which the exercise is conducted. It's a whole freaking body workout. I actually once just looked at him digging away for a full couple of minutes before he noticed the expression on my face.


Anyway - Ladies - I'm not sure if hormones make us more irrational - or just make us less forgiving. All I know is that I love mine. Despite the odd smell and the disappearing digit tricks. I could happily stove his head with a half-brick in a sock on occasion but I do love him.

Gerty1002 Fri 14-Jun-13 08:30:53

I'd like to join this club... 29 weeks and poor DP just isn't getting away with the stuff he used to anymore. I'm even starting to get annoyed myself about letting him get out of doing things for so long!

But he does things if I ask (sometimes wih a little huffing and puffing, especially if I'm having to ask a second time) and he's really thoughtful in a lot of other ways.

We've both been tired and snappy lately, it's important just to try and let these little tiffs go... we made a deal to never to go to sleep mad at each other.

Fairy130389 Fri 14-Jun-13 07:32:07

Further developments in bathroom towel gate - this morning he used the hand towel in the downstairs bathroom FOR HIS SHOWER and then left it wet on the end of the bed.
I cried.

Living room curtains still closed, despite having pep talk last night. Apparently I'm over reacting. I'm nearly 40 weeks pregnant... I wonder if a kick to the bollocks would make him 'over react'.

superbadspeller Thu 13-Jun-13 23:18:07

I could have wrote that op!! Df is great and takes care of all money related things he looks after us well that way but i wish to god i could get a bunch of flowers or a bar of chocolate once in a while without asking.

I sobbed in the bedroom yesterday because i needed a pee and he was being silly going upstairs saying he needed a pee too then not going pee aaaaargh angry add to that my sense of smell is like a dogs these days and he keeps eating pickled onions and meat pasties and smelly crisps etc that he knows make me feel ill and wafting the smell/burping at me angryangry not to mention his disgusting cheesy feet that he insists on putting near me/rubbing on me oh and sitting on my knee and BLOODY FARTING!!!!

I know he is trying to cheer me up - his daftness is acceptable when not 32 weeks pregnant because i can be awful too but my god i want to rip his head off these days and have noticed i say '' my god when did you get so bloody immature'' ''give it a rest'' ''stop being so childish'' ''what us wrong with you?????'' angry

Bejeena Thu 13-Jun-13 23:16:01

Oh my life someone save me.he has emptied the dishwasher and put 2 clean, empty tupperwares in the fridge. I am not even sure the non pregnant me would not go ballistic at this. Have bitten my tongue so far

Gingerandlemon Thu 13-Jun-13 23:01:58

I am loving this thread. For one, we regularly have the crack den curtain argument in our house, and for two, yesterday I said to my poor, lovely husband "shall we have fish and chips for tea one night soon?" To which he replied "maybe". I went nuts about how selfish he is and then cried for an hour or so.

I am 30 weeks and not normally such an irrational mad woman. I think.

ladymalfoy Thu 13-Jun-13 21:09:18

AND AND everyone who has posted on this thread should get a free massage at a Lush Spa. Because that might be the only thing that will calm us the fuck down.

Jollyb Thu 13-Jun-13 20:43:17

Hi all I'm nearly 34 weeks and am currently seething at everyone in sight. My DP, my DM and even my poor little 2 year old daughter who can't do anything right at the moment. I just want to be left alone for the next 6 weeks - is that too much to ask?

ladymalfoy Thu 13-Jun-13 20:04:00

fal that sounds like a damn fine plan. I've already noisily been for a wee. I mean slamming door and toilet lid not that me wee was loud iykwim?

Bejeena Thu 13-Jun-13 20:02:41

Keep them coming ladies, just for my sanity grin

I gave up on the curtains long ago he just doesn't get their purpose I have seen him leave them closed and switch light on to see and then also leave them open but sit right on the edge of sofa in dressing gown as he doesn't want people to see him! I don't understand why it is so hard.

fatandlumpy Thu 13-Jun-13 19:47:02

Mine has just had his fucking digit rummaging around his fucking nostril AGAIN... WTactualF is he looking for up there? has he lost a brain cell - is the remaining one feeling lonely?

Fairy - I feel your solidarity

Ladymalfoy - stay strong... don't go back down there and stand in front of him yelling how much he's upset you (like I usually end up doing after 15 mins of solitary fuming). You could try knocking some heavy items onto to the floor to get his attention....

ladymalfoy Thu 13-Jun-13 19:12:35

I'm on a roll now! Date for scan next weds. Emailed him. We breezed in and didn't mention it. However I didn't put the lid back on the chillies properly so they almost spilled when he got them out. He can have ago at me about that,oh yes. Remind me how it irritates him but he won't mention the scan. So I've slunk off to bed to leave him to his new hd TV. He doesn't know I'm angry or upset. Or that I'm upstairs it seems. But I know I'm fuming with the fucker so that's all that matters. Oh yes. That's preggo logic. I win.

Fairy130389 Thu 13-Jun-13 18:45:23

I have told dh that if I have to fold the hand towel in the bathroom ONE more FUCKING time because he messed it up for the THIRD time today, I will divorce him. I've also become irrational about him not opening the living room curtains in the mornings. I mean really, we do not live in a crack den, how fucking hard it?!

Fatandlumpy - just lolled at the fart story - did the same when dh gassed me out - never mind that he has had 9months of delightful pregnancy wind to cope with!

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