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Social media updates about birth...

(129 Posts)
MrsMargoLeadbetter Wed 12-Jun-13 12:26:11

Has anyone else requested that family members don't post on social networks before we (the parents) do about the birth of DC?

I have politely mentioned to DB & DBIL as they are likely to know it is happening. Being single men with no interest in kids I am concerned about their lack of empathy re this. DBIL already took to Twitter before my 12 scan hmm.

DB has taken offence. I have to say my relationship with him isn't straightforward/that good, so it is probably more indicative of that, but I don't think it is an unreasonable thing for us to request...?

Bazoo23 Fri 19-Jul-13 21:23:28

When I gave birth to my daughter I suffered a second degree tear. As I was being stitched up my bf nipped out to ring his mum and sis and let them know.

Literally as I was having stitches my phone started going with congrats messages. One from my best friend of 11 years :-( SIL had bizarely taken it upon herself to announce OUR news on FB. I was fucking fuming. DD was literally minutes old. I hadnt even told my dad and it sounds pathetic but she could have ruined that "moment" for me.


NonnoMum Fri 19-Jul-13 21:28:05

De-activate FB account around the time of your due date. Then no one can send you congratulatory messages...

After the birth, try and have a good half hour (or more) just for you and DP and baby.

Then, when you DO announce, add that you don't want people to know until you have told them.

And your brother sounds somewhat immature...

CylonNumber6 Fri 19-Jul-13 21:34:40

You can change your privacy settings so that you have to approve any posts that you are tagged in. I would highly recommend doing this for you and DH as a plan b. I can't quite remember how to do it but if you look under privacy settings it should be in there.

That way if your DB does post something it will only appear on his wall and not yours, unless you choose to approve the post.

You can also block ppl from posting on your wall too.

My pg is going nowhere near fb!!! Cousin once requested that no pg posts were made on her wall and I thought it was very sensible and everyone respected her wishes.

Bodicea Fri 19-Jul-13 22:15:11

Have a real bee in a bonnet about this sort of thing as found out my grandmother had died via my sisters facebook update. She and my aunty were in a different time zones to me so both had already posted about it while I was still asleep. I was so upset. Cant believe people post about such sensitive things.
So I will be making sure that everyone is clear that this is my job to post about the arrival of baby. Have already had to get someone to remove a public conversation about my pregnancy before I put anything myself on FB.
I only said something myself when there were some photos of me tagged looking very obviously pregnant.

FraggleRock77 Sat 20-Jul-13 00:45:13

Gosh, i really hate FB and i am not a member. I would be so annoyed if someone posted about my baby on it, full stop. confusedX

halestone Sat 20-Jul-13 01:27:21

We sent everyone text messages when we had DD but asked them not to put anything on fb until we did as we wanted to tell DSD face to face. Everyone respected our wishes.

retroelle Sat 20-Jul-13 06:02:32

I switched off my "wall" in early pregnancy, so that no-one could publicly message me until I had told everyone I wanted to. And did the thing above where you have to approve tags. I will probably do the same when it comes to birth time. I am keeping this pregnancy low key, but a friend keeps commenting on my non-preg related posts with thing like "bet you wish you could get drunk and have some brie lol" which is immensely irritating.

VinegarDrinker Sat 20-Jul-13 06:29:51

My brother "announced" DD's arrival on FB before we did. Tbf he has SEN and we should have made it explicit in advance that we would rather he didn't.

Themobstersknife Sat 20-Jul-13 06:37:52

Bodicea - really sorry to hear that. That is horrible.

Re the birth thing, not being goady, but genuinely, does it really matter? Why does it matter who announces it. People are just excited. Can understand you wouldn't want your mates ringing you whilst you are being stitched up and I feel for the person whose DH told the world the sex of the baby before they knew because they were under general. But generally, I am not sure why it would bother you. I think the news of both my girls births hit facebook before I could post anything - I had a general and a tough recovery so wasn't really worrying about fb updates. I was pleased people were as excited as we were.

ArabellaBeaumaris Sat 20-Jul-13 06:45:55

I agree with themobstersknife fwiw. We texted family when dd2 was born & they both put it on FB, which I realised when I got texts from a few mutual friends before we sent out the general announcements in the morning. Doesn't bother me.

Bazoo23 Sat 20-Jul-13 07:55:35

Because I wanted to tell my dad he was a granddad myself, he would have been so hurt if one of his workmates saw it on fb anf told him.

Neither me or bf have fb which I think makes it all the more irritating.

Themobstersknife Sat 20-Jul-13 10:52:46

No I get that Bazoo but how on earth would it end up on Facebook, if neither of you are on there, before telling your dad? Surely you would ring your parents first, and unless one your parents posted on Facebook, I am not sure how it would get out there before you rang. And surely the chances of a workmate seeing it and telling your dad before you rang is pretty remote.

The op is about wanting to be the first one to post on facebook and I don't get why it is important.

Bazoo23 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:53:59

My SIL put it on FB so a lot of my friends who are on FB saw it. My dad was at work at the time and he works with a lot of people who know me therefore know partner and SIL. We live in a teeny village so actually the chances of him being told were pretty high. A well meaning congratulations.

Like I say my partner and I dont have FB so I dont see why SIL thought she had the right to announce it. Its not her baby or her news. She even put "pics to follow!!"

Over my dead body. Idiot.

HaroldLloyd Sat 20-Jul-13 11:55:13

DPs friend put it on his Facebook whilst I was still being stitched! He had called him.

notso Sat 20-Jul-13 12:19:36

I really don't understand this.
Surely you tell the people you want to know first um...first.
My Dad was on nights when DD was born so we didn't phone anyone until we knew he'd be home.
Why people have to make official announcements all over the place is baffling to me having a facebook page doesn't make you important.
How dare people congratulate you before you have decreed it time to congratulate!

Hulababy Sat 20-Jul-13 12:23:14

Have to say that I don't need asking. When my sister has her baby - was due yesterday - there no way I'd posted online til after she had done so already. I'd tell good friends (who dsis knows but not closely ) but not publicly and online. Yes I'm excited but its her news to publish not mine.

Bazoo23 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:25:09

Dp let his sister know as she is family..?

Didnt think shed splash it all over FB.

Bazoo23 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:27:33

Was waiting till I was stitched up to ring my dad - would have felt a bit odd otherwise!

cravingcake Sat 20-Jul-13 13:16:30

My family live all over the world so time differences can be a real issue. My DS arrived at 3am so obviously we didn't phone our family and friends here but did phone the ones where it was the middle of the day. News spread pretty fast through my family and I had a few congratulations messages from cousins and aunties posted while I slept. I was a bit annoyed that I hadnt been able to announce it myself but didn't lose sleep over it. I certainly don't ever mention things until others do.

I found out one of my close friends had her baby as her sister posted within minutes of being told (in massive capital letters and everything) and they have a relative who was serving in Afgan at the time and they obviously wanted to tell him first. I saw the post and quickly phoned the husband to tell him (and congratulate them) and the post by the sister was removed rather promptly.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 20-Jul-13 13:32:33

As a midwife I see how fast the news spreads and Facebook is often to blame. New mum rings a sister or friend to tell them and then that person puts it on FB.

Its not unusual for me to be suturing someone's perinieum while they're fielding calls and texts on their mobile. I have had to ask women to put the phone down and stop talking while I finish delivering the placenta.

Champagnebubble Sat 20-Jul-13 14:19:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bazoo23 Sat 20-Jul-13 14:34:49

Viva I think you may have been my midwife!.:-D haha

ch1134 Sat 20-Jul-13 14:57:12

I'm due my 12 week scan this week and haven't told anyone yet, but when I do it will be under strict instruction not to mention anything on fb - some things are private, plus I wouldn't want people finding out this way. I also want to keep baby's privacy, and want very few photos of them at all on the world wide web

muppetthecow Sat 20-Jul-13 15:19:47

I had a four day, labour with DS, and to save having to call/fielding calls from the various family members who were badgering us wanted to know what was going on DH sent a group text every time there was a significant development. Unbeknownst to us, MIL was then updating her fb with the same thing. There were umpteen posts saying things like "She's been admitted" or "Having to have epidural now as they may have to do an EMCS". She then left a final post to say something like: "She's being stitched up now after quite a nasty tear. Baby's doing well but I'll leave it up to the proud parents to tell you what they've had!" I think between me, DH and my mum, she was pretty lucky to survive the first few days of DS's life!

CylonNumber6 Sat 20-Jul-13 15:32:21

Oh my gods that's awful!

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