Insensitive comments made to you in pregnancy(98 Posts)
Oh my mother is so tactfull! She just calls as im sitting down with a tea and some biscuits after a long day and told her so, her response was "i know ur only a bit tubby now cus your pregnant but you better be carefull u don't wanna get to fat!" Cheers mum!!
Anyone else have very insensitve realatives or friends who come out with comments like this or is it just me
At my booking in appointment - so is the dad going to be involved? ... Yes.
Are you still together? ..... Well the baby was conceived on our wedding day so I hope so!
O so it was actually planned? ... Yes it just happened very very fast!
I agree with what a pp said about wedding rings - people always look at dd, then at bump then me then slowly at my ring finger.
I'm 32 weeks and every time I get asked when I'm due I always get comments about how I only look 20 weeks and baby's going to be tiny etc. baby measures perfect, I'm eating the same healthy food I've always ate its not my fault I burn my excess calories chasing my hyper 3 year old.
MIL after we announced our third, admittedly unplanned, pregnancy:
"I can't have six grandchildren" (DBIL had 3 already). Of course MIL, because it's all about you
Being asked how long I had to go with DC3. I was 14 weeks
Being constantly asked was it planned with DC3 (only 17 months between DD and DS2). No, it wasn't but it's none of your fecking business!
I had less aggro when pregnant with DC1 as a single parent than I did happily married with DC3!
We already have dd (18) and ds (13).
Dd is earning well in her flat with fiancee...
Dh is a teacher and I am a manager (part time)....
What did we hear???
Are you having a baby to replace dd in your home??
Are you doing this to prove you are not too old?
How can you afford a baby?
If you put weight on , you will never lose now in your forties...
Gosh!!! You will look like a grandma at the school gate ( I am 41 not 60)
The worst was the first one, because dd will always be my daughter even now as a young woman!!
On the other hand , I had a little boy in church coming to me and saying" are going to have a baby"? I said yes and he replied " your baby will be beautiful because you look so beautiful like an angel"....that made my day!!!
I had "Are you going to get really fat again?", "Well, that buggers up the planning for next term somewhat" and "Well, at least you're not as huge as you were last time" (I was fucking massive, so fair cop), but compared to the rest of you I got off lightly.
I love No, I had S-E-X. I want to be pg again solely to use that line.
Boss at work: "this is an extremely difficult situation", "finding maternity cover is going to be a nightmare", "keep this secret from clients for now as I need to work out how I'm going to break this news, it's going to cause lots of problems" - well sorry to put you out so much but I actually think this is brilliant news!
Love the angel comment above!
I got my own back on my mum, turns out I'm having twins so actually what you referred to as fat, that I said was bloating, was also actually two babies! That eventually shut her up once she believed me. I'm still only 12+6 but I read that you show earlier with twins (around 11 weeks) not surprising really as I have 12cm of baby in there rather than 6cm. how exciting! I am however now worrying how MASSIVE I'm going to be!
My boss, who has no tact came out with this blinder yesterday...
I went to my first NCT class on Wednesday and was a bit surprised that, despite having one of the last due dates, I had the biggest bump.
I told my boss this, and he said "Oh, I expect you were one of the oldest there too"
I just stood there looking at him with my mouth open.
I had a belter today that I just had to share. Met DP's mother's boyfriend for the first time today and he took one look at me and went "that's just belly fat". What? I didn't even mention my bump (which I do have at 13 weeks) and he commented on my weight for the next two hours until DP and I made our excuses and left.
i think i have a pretty awful one from my mum...
"You are going to struggle to get your figure back this time, I think you should really seriously consider a tummy tuck after she is born"
What i find very irritating (at 39 weeks and very uncomfortable) is when people make comments like "you havent even dropped yet!" followed by "youre going to go overdue...i can just tell" Takes much strength to not blurt out - "are you a f*&king midwife???!" I am well aware i could be waiting a while yet, and dont need to be told my people who really do not have a clue. Grr...rant over!
I was at a wedding on Friday. Everyone was lovely & asked me all the usual Qs but as the night progressed I had more & more drunken people (mainly strangers) hugging/stroking/kissing(!) the bump. And when I told people I had 6 weeks to go I got "no way! But you're enormous!! You can't go another 6 weeks!" "Definately not twins?" etc
But all of that was nothing in comparison really to the poor girl sitting at my table who was mistaken for being pregnant when she's not!!!! That was a toe-curling moment!
At wedding over the weekend, from another guest: "How many weeks left?" One. "One or two in there?" ODFOD.....
Ah I thought I was getting a raw deal until I read some of these!! Oh my God what the hell do people think they are saying... especially the miscarriage related comments. That is so wrong!!
When I was at a yoga class lately, the leader asked us one by one what were our symptoms.. I said heartburn mainly but the most difficult symptom was being the subject of daily inspection and scrutiny and silly comments by most people I meet. I made a little joke so I didn't look oversensitive but then the rest of the girls piped up that they had this too!!!!
At my first doctors app at 5 weeks he quite bluntly pointed out to me 'that lots of first pregnancy's end in miscarriage'. I'm not an idiot, I know it does happen but I felt like saying its took us 5 years and lots of tears and worry to get where I am now and I don't need some doctor to stress me out even more!!!! [Angry]
My MIL keeps telling me that there's lots that can go wrong with a pregnancy so I shouldn't be disappointed if something does go wrong (am nearly 21 weeks). Also I will be a bad mother if I go back to work. And that her chainsmoking around the baby "won't do it any harm, it didn't harm my children after all" - my husband, her son, has asthma.
'you can't be pregnant, you're not married!' although in fairness i laughed,
'you're too nice to have a baby without being married' eh? its NOT complusory!!!
'my god you're massive! is it twins?' the second time it was but not the first time and its still rude regardless!
'god you're not having having any more are you?' i have three kids not 30 and its my business ONLY!
'if you miscarry before the consultants appointment make sure you cancel as his time is precious' cheers for that!
by far one of the worst things about pregnancy was feeling like public property, everyone has an opinion but surely manners don't have to be forgotten just because the person is with child?
My work colleague asked me last week if my arse was getting bigger?? I told him that even my husband wasn't brave enough to say things like that!
I got "wow look how fat you're getting" the other day...
Not getting fat love, it's a fucking baby.
Have had exact same comments as Citygirl and LadyBigtoes from my 'd' M. Weekly basis weight is mentioned, gleefully loving it when I say I've put on X pounds. but if I dare to get down about it she says 'well if you didn't want to get huge why did you get pregnant then'... and when I say I will lose it all ASAP after she says that a bmi of 20 is unhealthy as it 'damages your bones' - wtaf - and that bmi 25 is perfect. So I say we'll I'm bmi 25 just now at 27 weeks, she says no you're not. Serious years of weight issues here. She also told me yesterday I was nowhere near as huge as last pregnancy, but I'm still fat. I say well I did lose 3 stone before I got pregnant, her standard answer - no you didn't.
I'm rambling now but you get the picture!
I only have 5 weeks to go and my bump is tiny...or 'compact' as i like to call it. But wow. The comments i get from people a lot of whom are strangers is unbelieveable!!! One lady in the post office looked at my bump, smiled at me and asked how long i had left.
When i replied with 5 weeks her face actually contorted with horror and she asked if everything was ok with the baby!!!! I thought just because im not huge does not mean my baby has a problem!!!
in fact baby is a lovely size and right on target with weight gain. Bloody eejits!!!
I had to go into the hospital for a week of monitoring and an ultrasound and a family member said "is it because you are bored now you are on maternity leave?" And people call to ask if I have gone into labour and when I say no they actually say "ok ill call you back" but they don't
One man would say to me EVERY TIME HE SAW ME "have you not had that baby yet? Are you sure there's not 2 in there? Are you sure you should be out?" This was when I was 30 weeks. Everyone has a comment and most of them are offensive, you would think being pregnant is rare!
Not so much insensitive but I am getting a little fed up of horror stories about births. Everyone of our friends and my colleagues have felt it their duty to explain how horrific their labour was and how it went wrong. Other than my mum I haven't been told one positive thing about it - are they all trying to freak me out? Really, do they think it's helpful?!
Also getting quite annoyed by the eye rolls and the 'you'll see' comments. Yes, perhaps I do have unrealistic expectations of birth and life with a little one but let me be - I'm trying to approach this as positively as I can and comments like 'you'll see' when I say the baby won't stop me from doing certain things aren't helping! Let me stay ignorant please!!!!!
Oh and if you dare say you are tired or you didn't get much sleep last night you are met with "just you wait until the baby is here" "we'll how are you going to cope with a baby?" And I was asked if I was going to breast feed and I said "yes" and was met with "I don't think you will, I can tell when people aren't going to and you definitely won't" and "why aren't you just having all of the pain relief? It's not a competition you know, there's no prizes for being brave" I HAVEN'T GIVEN BIRTH YET, I DON'T KNOW IF I NEED IT ALL OR NOT
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