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My DH is unhappy about my planned pregnancy

(8 Posts)
Vatta Mon 20-May-13 22:18:19

ok, we've been TTC for 6 months, just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant smile.

My DH was reluctant to TTC, wanted to wait a few years, but agreed after a lot of debate.

He's now VERY unhappy about the pregnancy - saying this will ruin his life, it's terrible, not what he wants, feels like I tricked him somehow as he'd expected TTC would take longer and this is too soon.

Any ideas what I can do or say to help him get used to this? I get that it's scary and he doesn't feel ready, but what might help?

WeeS Mon 20-May-13 22:33:13

Firstly, Congratulations! smile
He will come round - it's a scary time for both of you. It's a pity he's freaking out & I really hope it doesn't put a damper on things for you. My DP was over the moon when we found out we were expecting - I think it was probably more me who was freaking out! The 12 week scan blew us both away & that's when it really started feeling real & that's when I started to feel really excited smile

gertrudestein Mon 20-May-13 23:15:23

I think it's harder for men to understand the reality of it, because for you your body has changed already and you know that everything's changed, whereas for the man it's still just a possibility. If you did agree to ttc then he should be able to take responsibility for this now, although a good approach might be to acknowledge how scary and difficult the idea of it might be for him at this stage. Even people who plan pregnancies are often overwhelmed and troubled to begin with. (I know I was! And dp took a long while to accept it was happening, although he was happier than me ...)

Vatta Tue 21-May-13 03:14:24

Thanks both, I guess I should be patient with him. For me I already have the bloating and fatigue so it feels very real but it is different for him.

WeeS Tue 21-May-13 19:24:43

We found out we're having a girl & since then DP has really surprised me by how in touch he is with his feminine side, coming home with butterfly lampshades, saying "we don't have enough pink!" etc grin He's surprised everyone in his family by how soppy he's being about the baby.
So give him time. As with all things in life, whether planned or not, change takes some getting used to.

Vatta Tue 21-May-13 21:06:09

Thanks WeeS, that does really help. I'm trying to share my excitement about it all online at the moment (mumsnet is a saviour!) and I'll be patient till he starts getting it more.

beth27123 Tue 21-May-13 21:10:01

I think in our relationship it was the opposite. A much wanted and 6 month of trying baby and OH was over the moon, I took to persuading myself I wasn't pregnant I was menopausal (lets just say I'm well under 25).
My life was over, everyone would be disappointed in my, I would lose all I cared about. But then slowly (plus scan) realised how amazing it was. All my fears got pushed back. I think its the same for everyone. We deal with things differently. Good luck.

Vatta Wed 22-May-13 06:43:31

Thanks Beth.

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