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8 weeks pregnant, DH is happy, i dont want it

(67 Posts)
havingtonamechange21 Mon 20-May-13 19:32:42

When the doctor asked me if it was planned i said no, but it was a happy accident, i dont know what to do, i was taking the pill, but badly, forgetfully, its my own fault
I just keep wishing it would go away
I cant abort, would break my DHs heart
I dont want to be a mum
I dont know where to post this, sorry if its in the wrong place, if it is please report, i just need to get it out somewhere

childcarehell Tue 21-May-13 21:45:02

I'd only admit this online but I felt this way for both of mine, the first mildly but very very much the second. Really thought about not keeping.

They are the most adored children and really my world.

Maryz Tue 21-May-13 21:39:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyHMummy Tue 21-May-13 21:36:30

It has been but I think the fact that my Dr, Mw and hv all kept telling me it was normal has helped.

My best advice to you is don't try and force it. Take each day as it comes. I really thought seeing her on scan, then feeling her move and finally knowing of she was pink or blue would help...none of it did. Only time to get my head together is helping and ppl not putting pressure on me. I have been very open with everyone about how I feel and they have been great at not fussing or fawning over me and have just given me space to deal with how I feel.

The panic and as maryz put it the holy f*ck feeling will pass, for a friend of mine it was the first time she held her little girl before it felt right, for my cousin it was a couple weeks sfter shs took her daughter home. Don't force it, it will happen in time. Just focus on staying healthy.

If the sickness is bad ask gp for tablets, I am on prochlorprazine and it is amazing!

havingtonamechange21 Tue 21-May-13 21:24:49

No where near getting my head around it lol, more... Hoping its just panic, and trying to think straight, no excitement or happy feelings towards the baby yet at all, i am hoping that changes soon sad

Im glad you are getting your head around it finally though smile Must have been awful living with it feeling just not quite ready all this time

Thank you smile

TinkyPeet Tue 21-May-13 21:23:41

I think sometimes freaking out is great, because later on you will look back and remember the exact moment you stopped and felt amazing and excited about your soon to be pfb :D x

BabyHMummy Tue 21-May-13 21:17:12

Glad u r feeling a bit easier about it.

I am nearly 28 weeks and only just getting my head around it all

havingtonamechange21 Tue 21-May-13 21:11:51

Thank you all!! smile

I didnt see spiders post, and by the replies i am really glad i didnt so i wont comment on it. As for the rest of you thank you so so much, you honestly just saved me from some of the worst moments i had ever felt, i was so completely lost!

Moving forward i told DH and spoke to the doctor today, DH was fine.. Pretty much like you all, told me that he freaked out on finding out about DSD, and on DSDs birth... and when DSD came to live with us and all them moments in between where he realized he was a DAD forever, apparently its normal, well damn, no one warned me about that! grin

Crumbs and the frankly amazing pictures small people do are part of my everyday, i honestly have no idea why i ran so quickly in the opposite direction... Not to say that i am not still freaking out, but like maryz said i have kinda sighed and figured well, lets get on with it then... Because against everything, if someone told me i would never have a child, i would defiantly feel the loss.

Control is a HUGE factor in the freakout i think, i hate being ill, and have felt nothing but, plus the fact you cannot plan for how you will be feeling tomorrow, or tonight even, but again, i think i can deal with that, slowly, as i get my head around the whole of everything else it will come

Prenatal vitamins i have been on since, less than an hour after i found out, they dont seem to help too much sad

Thank you all again, so so much

SummerRainIsADistantMemory Tue 21-May-13 10:20:37

3 kids her and 6 years of breastfeeding and my boobs are alright and I'm not fat

Your body does change though, massively.

And your life will be centred around that little person for a very long time to come.

but... they cuddle you, and cry for you when they're hurt, and nuzzle into you when they fall asleep, and draw you terrible pictures which make your heart skip a beat with pride, and they make you laugh like a drain at the weirdass things they say, and they tell you things that you already knew with such excitement and wonder.

Of course there's the poo, puke, pee, snot and endless crumbs that just seem to get everywhere. But somehow the good stuff outweighs the gross manky stuff 90% of the time.

I think far more of us have that initial 'Oh Holy Fuck' months moment than would admit to it in real life.

All three of mine were wanted and somewhat planned.... I still panicked wildly for most of the pregnancy, and that first night with a newborn at home is the most surreal experience imaginable.... I spent all evening waiting for a knock on the door and someone to come in and say 'I'm sorry, I don't know what we were thinking letting you take a baby home, we'll just take her back now thank you'. Because obviously no one could honestly expect me to be in charge of a tiny human being who needed 24/7 care.... that was just insane confused

MumnGran Tue 21-May-13 09:59:20

typo blush should have read "anyone that cocksure is probably the person who REALLY shouldn't have children"

MumnGran Tue 21-May-13 09:57:52

God preserve us from women who never have a moment of terror about bringing a new life into the world for the first time. Anyone that cocksure one!

Bless you, my heart went out to you OP.
Please know that thousands upon thousands of women, around the world, feel just as you did when they are given the news. Some of them stay in shock until after labour smile
You will feel this way again, when you come home with your newborn infant for the first time and wonder how in the hell anyone thinks you are responsible enough to actually care for this infant by yourself!

We all shared exactly your fears.
We are all unsure if we "can do this", the first time around.
....and we all got through it, and became the best mothers we could be.
And (pretty much) none of us would change for all the tea in China.

Whoever you talk to, just think very very carefully before choosing to terminate as it is not a decision you can reverse. You need to be very sure of why you don't want a baby.

Purplehonesty Tue 21-May-13 09:40:30

Spiders what a nasty and vile thing to write. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Jojobump1986 Tue 21-May-13 09:28:23

I spent my first 24 years waiting for the right time to start a family. It's all I've ever really wanted. My first thought when I did that first test was.... "It wasn't supposed to happen straight away! What have I done?!"

I had a similar reaction with DS2! DH was thrilled both times & everyone kept telling me I must be 'soooo excited'... Ha! I suddenly felt really trapped & like the whole thing was a terrible dream that I was just waiting to wake up from.

I got over it eventually & now I can't imagine life without DS1. I'm sure I'll feel the same once DS2 has been around for a little while too. It's an adjustment but in a good way, honest! smile

Teaandflapjacks Tue 21-May-13 09:16:16

I also reported it - genuine shock

karinmaria Tue 21-May-13 09:15:57

Moving away from spiders inappropriate post... Ugh.

I too felt like this when I got my positive! Oh dear god my heart sank, I burst into tears in the doctors surgery and ended up telling my DH via text because I couldn't speak. Baby was sort of planned - I'd stopped taking the pill after we got married, expecting conception to take a while. Got pregnant on the first cycle so I've managed to get married and have our DS in less than one year.

My DH was actually concerned about me being depressed throughout my pregnancy (I hated being pregnant and was so relieved when I finally went into labour) because I was so unsure about the baby. I'd never held a baby before let alone been responsible for one!

Please talk to your DH, call Marie Stopes and perhaps your mum if you can. Yes, my life as I knew it is over. I can no longer pop out with my friends for drinks and we're going to have a hard time financially. BUT it's worth it - I have a new life now and I wouldn't change it.

If you decide it's not for you then that's understandable, but I suspect you wouldn't be posting on this forum if your feelings weren't more than panic, worry and concern.

Teaandflapjacks Tue 21-May-13 09:15:34

My best friend had this - she was told she could not have children without IVF - so was not ready for kids, so just stopped taking pill and got on with life. Fell pregnant was completely horrified, in fact that is an understatement. I was desperately trying to get pregnant at the time and she didn't know what to say to me - poor thing. In any case, I am very pro choice, and talked to her at great length about it, it is HER body - her decision, and discussed the pros and cons of abortion in her situation - and there are pros and cons. I think in the end she just couldn't face the abortion, since she was in a relationship, her partner was very chuffed, and eventually they would have had kids anyway. She spent the first 48 hours of knowing chain smoking actually in a state of blind panic. It took her till month 5 to fully get her head round it - but interestingly she cut out fags and booze (after the 48hours smoking binge) instantly and is now very much glued to her baby all the time, bf, the lot - it just took her time, and the space to not feel pressured.

I had been trying for a year, had a miscarriage, and yet in the first week of knowing i too had a freak out - what if the baby ends up hating me, what if I am a rubbish mother, what if, what if, what if..... I did discuss all of this with hubby since he found me doing things like looking for my keys and locating them in the fridge, or pouring cold water from kettle onto tea bag, and telling her our tea bags were 'broken' with a slightly demented look on my face. I think it IS a huge deal - your life will never be your own again - but then I think of my Mum, and how much fun she is, and the times we share together and I figure it will work its way out - my mum told me she didn't have a clue when she had us, there were no courses really then, her parents not much help, ditto in laws, and she just kind of muddled along- like we all do.

Marie Stopes is very good and they do counsel both sides, please do reach out to them. There is no shame in not wanting a child - it is a hugely personal decision, but you must think about how you would feel afterwards - which ever way you decide, and how this impacts the world around you. thanks

BabyHMummy Tue 21-May-13 09:10:06

Lj have reported it to

Lj8893 Tue 21-May-13 08:57:25

Spiders tht was completely unnecessary!!

I have reported you comment and I suggest you withdraw it.

BabyHMummy Tue 21-May-13 08:46:05

spiders how dare you post such a vile comment. The op needs emotional support to get her head around being pg bot a viscious attack about abortion

Maryz Tue 21-May-13 08:34:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PicardyThird Tue 21-May-13 08:14:30

Please, spidersandslugs, not such drastic emotive imagery, not here. This is not the time and it is not the place.

spidersandslugs Tue 21-May-13 07:53:10

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Circaea Tue 21-May-13 07:38:47

For me the panic is partly a control thing. I know it's just a facade but I feel mostly in control of my life and my choices, and I'm fairly sure I can keep holding down a job and feeding/housing DH and I etc. I'm even fairly sure I can make the dog be well-behaved most of the time.

But suddenly, pregnant. I don't know if the bean will be healthy. I don't know if I'll cope with working throughout with pg symptoms. I don't know if I'll cope with birth. I don't know how to bring up a baby (other than obvious basics- don't drop, regular food, regular cuddles, regular naps, change nappy...). I don't know where we'll be living or what we'll be doing for the next 18 years while I'm responsible for this new person. What if, what if, what if...

So yes, I hear you on the panic. But in the back of my mind I've been thinking - I'm not incompetent at life (it's not a breeze but I don't think it's supposed to be) and LOTS of other people manage this. So perhaps it's about making it up as you go along. I'm still terrified though!

That said, we have been planning this for a while - career wise and home life wise I'm ready for it. 10 years ago I would NOT have been ready and a termination would most certainly be on the cards (and was, for me). So I think you need to sift through normal panic to facts and feelings about your situation.

vix206 Tue 21-May-13 07:01:53

I felt like this first time round, and I feel it again now with my 3rd pregnancy (no 2 was a MC). I really hope you can resolve it OP, and that you can feel happy.

I just wanted to add that I haven't yet got a ruined body. No droopy boobs or ruined fanjo. Even after breast feeding for 2 years. And I'm 35 so no spring chicken smile Obviously the next baby may ruin it but I just wanted to add a bit of positivity about that side of things!!!

Dobedobedoo Tue 21-May-13 06:29:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz Mon 20-May-13 23:27:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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