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Top tips dealing with busy bodies :)

(57 Posts)
cookiemonster100 Fri 17-May-13 18:50:33

Hi all,

PG with our 1st child & I have noticed that a lot of people seem to offer advice / lectures / preach to you. For examples I have had one woman give me a lecture today on the cons of epidurals , ( not requested by me just another interfering busy body) & another ask " should you be eating that" i am very aware this gets worse once kiddies are on the scene.
So what are your come back lines / tactics with dealing with these people? I am looking for more for a verbal route because bashing them over the head is not allowed (shame) ;)
Thanks x

DIYandEatCake Fri 17-May-13 18:56:06

Nod, smile and change the subject pronto. People mean well and are normally trying to help but yes it is really annoying! Just remember how it feels when you're a mum and bursting to share your wealth of experience with your pregnant friend/relative/workmate.

BerthaTheBogCleaner Fri 17-May-13 19:03:43

Smile, interrupt, and say "I'm don't need advice right now, but I'll know where come when I do - thank you!" and then ask them about their child. This is a guaranteed change of subject - everyone wants to talk about their children.

Get good at this, because the amount of unwanted advice trebles once you've had the baby.

In a year or so, one day you will hear yourself offering your own advice to some trapped pg woman who didn't ask for it. Honest, you will. It comes to us all ...

LoganMummy Fri 17-May-13 19:59:55

I have used the MN "did you mean to be so rude?" a couple of times this pregnancy to great satisfaction. smile

cupcake78 Fri 17-May-13 20:38:54

It's so irritating isn't it. I've found the old saying 'what will be will be' is a great conversation stopper! Or very simply 'I don't want to talk about it'.

As the hormones took over I do remember asking a continual advice giver why people felt I need so much advice when its actually my body and baby and therefore my choice'. I'm sure this is was the most tactful way of dealing with it all.

Bunnylion Fri 17-May-13 23:20:29

I like cupcake78s strategy.

I've tried all sorts of polite responses to try and shut down a patronising and uninvited advice session before it gets into full swing, it never work.

I think the only answer is to be very clear and direct. Who cares if you sous a bit rude, they'll probably just feel sorry for you for being a bit "hormonal".

IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat Fri 17-May-13 23:27:41

I got told I shouldn't be drinking an instant coffee from somebody I know smoked through her pregnancy because it was too 'stressful' for her to give up. I don't know how I held my tongue [ angry]

Lots of 'are you sure you should be eating that' around my peanut butter consumption too. Yes thank you, I have made an informed decision that I am quite happy with...

themilkmonster Sat 18-May-13 00:32:24

Just smile and nod. Then ignore.

Teaandflapjacks Sat 18-May-13 08:48:55

IJust peanut butter? What is wrong with that? That old wives tale (which is what it was really!!) was disproved a while ago. I don't know how I would have got through some weeks without peanut butter or marmite! I have had plenty of this from the in laws, randoms etc. It really depends on my mood what I say - sometimes i say 'lets just agree to disagree'. Or the easiest for me with my overly opinionated MIL is to say 'Hmmm, I don't really agree but I'll check that with my Gyn. and go with what she says, she is the expert'. This shuts her right up. grin

Teaandflapjacks Sat 18-May-13 08:49:42

er i meant to strikethrough overly opinionated not underline it! blush

Fairypants Sat 18-May-13 09:17:27

(Shamelessly watching thread and taking notes)
This all sounds so much better than my take-it-all-on-board-and-feel-rubbish approach! I will have to use some of the if when I get upduffed with #3.

burberryqueen Sat 18-May-13 09:19:13

"in this matter, you really don't need to concern yourself on my behalf, but thanks anyway"

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 18-May-13 09:21:13

People always say to just smile and ignore them. Or thank them and ignore them.

That always baffles me.

I think that if someone has been rude enough to come up to someone and give them a lecture, then they have forfeited the right to have politeness given to them in return.

I'd say "excuse me, did I faint and miss the part where you were asked for your opinion?"

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 18-May-13 09:23:11

Or look around me really dramatically and then say, in a confused voice, "nope, I don't think I can see any of your business over here"

I hate people who think they have the right to come up to you and lecture you.

burberryqueen Sat 18-May-13 09:33:48

ah but hecsy thanking them undermines them, as does agreeing with them over-enthusiastically....'thank you so much, you are so right, yes thank you ...etc' (repeat til fade)

cookiemonster100 Sat 18-May-13 16:26:20

Good advice ladies!! It just bugs me and I get really annoyed about people butting in however I really need to learn to let it go & not let it bother me.
One day I might learn .....

amazingmumof6 Sat 18-May-13 17:02:06

love the "looking around" and "did I faint" ones! thanks for that!

I tend to ask "why do you want to know?" that shuts' em up.

or just say something stupid and roll eyes. (think "duh" simultaneously)

Q: is it a boy or a girl? A: yessmile smile

Q: are you having anymore A: not while still pg with this one

Q: your belly is sooooo BIG! A: so is your arse

oh I've got hundreds of these
I specialise in versions of "are you hoping for a girl" had 5 boys then baby girl. expert me!grin

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 18-May-13 17:22:17

Yes burberry, but that relies on them being intelligent and aware enough to realise that you aren't actually being sincere grin and if they were that, they wouldn't be sticking their beaks in in the first place.

They'll think you're actually thanking them and appreciating their input!

burberryqueen Sat 18-May-13 17:30:19

haha well let them bless their little pointy heads...

Viviennemary Sat 18-May-13 17:34:32

Oh stop being a killjoy. Some people get great pleasure in being busybodies. In fact that might be their only pleasure in life. I only usually lecture people I know. grin

RJM17 Sat 18-May-13 17:39:07

I tried to be polite at first but now I now I just say thanks but its my baby and my body so me and my husband will make the decisions we want to. And they quickly change the subject lol x

iamci Sat 18-May-13 19:33:46

saw a great baby grow this week that said
"my mummy doesn't want your advice" grin

amazingmumof6 Sat 18-May-13 19:37:19

iamci grin

and in brackets " and nor do I!"

I wonder what would be a good slogan while still pg....hmmm


froubylou Sat 18-May-13 19:58:16

I just reply "well the gin,fags and cocaine dont seem to be hurting anything so I cant see this coffee causing problems can you?".

Usually works but some folk will think In serious one day and Il end up in the priory lol.

sprite25 Sun 19-May-13 12:09:59

ha ha will have to remember some of these! Im only 11 weeks and already dreading people telling me how I should be doing things, although I dont quite need maternity wear yet I had to stop myself buying a maternity top from new look which said 'hands off the bump' and had two handprints where the bump would be, couldnt think of anything worse then being mauled by strangers or people I hardly know!

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