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Abuse on Mumsnet

(31 Posts)
swaye Thu 16-May-13 09:44:00

Is it common place?

Ive started a couple of threads on mumsnet pregnancy forum asking for support and whilst the majority of people have been very helpful and supportive there is always a few who want to beat you up and slag you off!

I will not be starting any more threads asking for support for this reason and just stick to asking about factual stuff.

Hopefully i won't get any nasty comments on this post!

Real shame.

Skelosia Thu 16-May-13 18:20:06

I have been a forum user for many, many years, though I am new (ish) to MN.

A few things I have learned over the years:

I use forums where the majority of the people seem to have similar views and values to mine.

If it is a personal or sensitive issue, where an opposing opinion could cause me upset, and I could not trust myself to let it be, I generally wouldn't post about it. Of course, there are times where I have reacted shamefully, but I doubt you will find any forum user who hasn't at least once behaved in a way they wish they hadn't.

You have to take it for what it is. A strangers opinion. If you care that much about strangers opinions, you need to work on your self esteem and confidence. The problem is most likely yours.

Perspective is incredibly important, and remember, there is no tone of voice in the written word.

I have posted a couple of times in various areas on here. I have also had replies that have made me recoil. But I saw them for what they are. Someone else's opinion. And if anyone made anything personal about me, I would definitely fight back, as I don't think anyone on here actually knows me. But I have yet to come across such attacks, on myself or someone else. I like MN because everyone seems to make it clear that it is opinions not fact that they are giving.

I hope you learn from this incident, and remind yourself that we are all strangers (unless some of us aren't!).

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 16-May-13 17:55:24

Hello there OP
Sorry that you feel this way.
Strictly speaking, we ought to delete this thread as it's "a thread about a thread" but we'll leave it for now.
Do have a look at our [ talk guidelines]], won't you?
PLEASE report anything you think MNHQ should be looking at, that's what we're here for. We love reports, we do.
Best wishes

piprabbit Thu 16-May-13 16:16:42

swaye, you seem to be joining in on lots of positive and supportive threads, but have had a bit of a run in where a thread didn't turn out as you'd expected. Just hide the thread, forget it and carry on posting, most people are lovely and it would be a shame to miss out on the sense of community on most of the pregnancy threads because you and maybe another poster or two were having bad days.

TBH you were lucky not to get your 'callus' post deleted for being a personal attack, so learn and move on.

SauceForTheGander Thu 16-May-13 16:07:16

I can't find the thread you're referring to. But to answer your question no it is not common place to experience abuse / people slagging you off / wanting to "beat you up" on mumsnet.

As has been mentioned you need to report posts but it seems you may not have covered yourself in glory in how you responded.

I was a hormonal mess during my last pg. it maybe you're feeling overly sensitive. I know I was. I could have started an argument in an empty house.

Mumsnet can be an amazing place, supportive, funny, outspoken and clever.

People are allowed to offer opinions that differ from yours. It's mumsnet, not North Korea.

Why not start again ?

Honey attracts more than vinegar.

mistlethrush Thu 16-May-13 15:53:25

If you want a site where the only people 'allowed' to post on your thread are ones that agree with you, you're in the wrong place.

Pudgy2011 Thu 16-May-13 15:47:52

Jaysus - just read your other thread OP.

The only abusive person there was you.

Get a grip.

Ilikethebreeze Thu 16-May-13 15:31:02

Only seen your most recent thread.
You are new to MN.
You needed to report the post if you were not happy with it.
But fighting fire with fire will get you in trouble too. And if you carry on like that, MN will eventually probably ban you.

Booyhoo Thu 16-May-13 15:03:04

and actually, after reading your reaction to the ONE poster who disagreed with your actions i'm not at all sure you'll have a comfortable stay here at MN. where is it you think you are? telling someone they have no right to post on your thread, caling them callous, selfish and having no respect. why? because they dared to disagree with you? (who are you btw? someone we should know?) and to top it off, throwing mental health issues around like some kind of insult!

Booyhoo Thu 16-May-13 14:51:05


posting on mumsnet is like walking into the middle of your nearest city centre and talking loudly. people will hear you. the people nearest to you. that doesn't mean they are nice people, or your friends or there to say what you want to hear. they just happen to be the strangers that were there when you spoke and heard what you said. they will all answer based on their own experiences of life and they will all be different. some will be supportive. some wont. that's ife. if you dont like that aspect of Mn then dont post asking strangers' opinions.

ItsallisnowaFeegle Thu 16-May-13 14:49:06

fanjo - flowers for you too, lady.

fanjodisfunction Thu 16-May-13 14:44:52

OP, you get out of the site what you put in, you asked for advice from a wide community you are going to get different views. It wasn't abusive, if you want to see abusive have a wonder over to AIBU or even some baby name threads.

This site has been amazingly supportive to me through three failed pregancies (one stillbirth two miscarriages) and like petra I have been in awe of everyones support. Its often constructive but its all in good faith, this is not a site where we just agree give you a hug and send you on your way, we discuss. Its the real world.

I hope you see mumsnet for what it is.

GoodbyePorkPie Thu 16-May-13 14:16:42

Petra flowers (hug). So sorry for your losses.

OP I think you're being a bit of a drama queen.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 16-May-13 13:40:17

oh dear. That wasn't abuse. You just wait until you've had a real whipping.

TinkyPeet Thu 16-May-13 13:24:53

I've just read your other thread OP and tbh the only post that comes across as abusive is your last post, perhaps, as I do, if you're having a particular shitty day with hormones, best not to log on and take it out on us!?
Chin up

lililon Thu 16-May-13 12:17:36

Some people on MN can be harsh, however I think you gave as good as you got.

ItsallisnowaFeegle Thu 16-May-13 11:55:28

flowers for Petra

ExpatAl Thu 16-May-13 11:48:44

Petra I'm sorry for your losses. Life can be utterly and shittily cruel sometimes.

Teaandflapjacks Thu 16-May-13 11:40:08

Petra - thanks

OP - I have just had a look at this message you found offensive and TBH I think she made a really valid point on doctors and the NHS. She just completely disagreed with you and gave you a different position - standing in your doctors shoes. He ensured you had correct medical advice afterwards. The pressure the poor doctors under the NHS creaking system in the UK feel is beyond ridiculous - I could not do that job for all the tea in china. It looked to me like you were upset over the dentist more than anything, and projected some of that onto the doctor visit? And then someone didn't offer buckets of sympathy and said a robust opinion to suggest complaining was not the way to go and this is abuse? It sounds like perhaps your hormones are all over the shop? Indeed your response back to the other poster was a bit hmm. The women on here have helped me too enormously - made me laugh when i felt like utter shite, and have given frank responses when required no doubt.

We all have crazy hormones going all over the shop so perhaps you are just having this and an off day?

EhricLovesTeamQhuay Thu 16-May-13 11:38:10

People were abusive on pregnancy threads? They posted to slag you off and beat you up? Really? I don't believe you.
People can be utter cunts on mumsnet sometimes but I don't believe they would be on a pregnancy thread. Cba to search your name but it seems others have. Are you a bit over sensitive by any chance?

stargirl1701 Thu 16-May-13 11:34:56

I have had a look at your threads. You do understand that, in life and, therefore on MN, people will disagree with you - sometimes vehemently! I really didn't see anything abusive tbh.

petra27 Thu 16-May-13 11:22:03

Well I haven't read all your threads but my experience of Mumsnet has been that I joined when I got pregnant and mucked about on my antenatal thread chatting....

My baby then died at 5 months in the pregnancy and it was Mumsnet that got me through. I have since had three more pregnancies, none of which has ended in sucess and again have been supported and cared for on here even when people in real life didn't know what to say or said the wrong thing.

Sometimes I read threads where people are moaning at daft stuff like (made up example so as not to offend anyone): their mother in law has brought them a 'special blanket' to take the baby home from the hospital in when they wanted to buy one themselves and I do feel stabby find it difficult to feel it is the emergency that they think it is, but in my experience, MNet feedback is pretty good at seeing the wood for the trees in such cases, even if the posters think they are being mean.

Genuinely, I don't think that I would still be around if it wasn't for this nest of vipers.

ItsallisnowaFeegle Thu 16-May-13 11:21:26

I was just about to suggest that your pg hormones may be in control today.

Most MN's are extremely supportive and there are always one or two who may be over harsh arseholes however, I think there's a massive difference between abuse and receiving advice and or support from someone who says it how they see it, IYSWIM?

I was an hormonal mess when I was pg and despite my ranting that it wasn't hormones to blame, they really were in control sometimes.

Fakebook Thu 16-May-13 11:19:34

<insert nasty comment>


SoupDragon Thu 16-May-13 11:12:14

I can't see anywhere you have suffered "abuse".

I think you may be a little over sensitive - and let's face it, most pregnant women are! smile

swaye Thu 16-May-13 11:12:11

My point exactly, some on here are lovely and helpful and kind and read posts so they understand the situation fully and realise that i was very understanding towards my GP and some on here are spiteful and nasty.

I've had a bad few days yes. Thanks for your supportive comments kind people. Actually laughing now.

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