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Cannot muster any positivity

(8 Posts)
polkadotsrock Sun 12-May-13 10:32:25

I am 16+3 with dc2. And I am utterly bemused as to why we thought this was a good idea. I'm dreading having two kids, I am convinced I'll be shit at it and just can't fathom up any positive images of how life will be come November.
We are moving in 3 weeks and I'm looking forward to not really knowing anyone so I can be left alone. I could and would just sleep all day if I didn't have ds to take care of.
I'm starting to lose faith in my DH, though I'm quite sure I'm exaggerating his faults. He's an excellent husband and daddy, I know this, I just can't feel it right now.
I'm seeing my mw on Thursday and I think I need to chat with her about this, but I don't want the hassle, it's very tempting to just say I'm fine. I tried to talk to DH last night but I think he's a bit bemused by the whole thing. I'd like to talk to someone who has been through similar but I can't decide if I think it's actually something to worry about or just that I'm pregnant and tired with a toddler.
Not really sure what I want anyone to say, just wanted to get that out.

MightBeMad Sun 12-May-13 11:38:52

Polkadot, I know people can be very quick to diagnose overthe Internet and it's true that pg, especially second tine around with a toddler to look after, not to mention a house move, is tough, but your post sounds a lot like you are struggling with a bit of depression. Everything you say sounds as of it comes from a place where the world just seems sad and bleak. Is that how you feel? I think talking to your mw is a good idea, and to your new mw in yor new area if the move means a change. Just so you can get some understanding and support. I know it's really hard to be honest with people but maybe you could print off your post above and show it to her ? Big hugs. Fwiw, I think what you are going through is experienced by a lot of women (so in that sense 'normal') but it's not healthy or happy for you and there are things out there that can help you (I wish I'd been more honest with people after I had dc1 and I'm hoping I have the strength to this time around if I feel the same way I did then). Good luck!

polkadotsrock Sun 12-May-13 11:46:40

Thanks for responding, I'd been hanging around hoping someone would. It all does seem quite bleak but as I was trying to explain everything to my DH last night he said 'are you sad?' And I can't honestly say I am, I don't really feel much at all. I think you may be right about the dreaded D word and the silly thing is I almost don't want to talk to my mw precisely because I don't want to be labelled as 'depressed' as I think that would make me feel worse. Does that even make sense?
Having said that it would be nice to have just half of the excitement I had the first time round.

Ilovestackingcups Sun 12-May-13 14:16:55

Sending some support from the top of the stackingcups brew. You're not alone, and being less excited about a second pregnancy is perfectly natural. You've seen it all before, after all. I feel exactly the same currently, and am only excited when I feel baby kicking because I am reminded that I am growing a human being, rather than trying to hold everything together for DC1 (also toddler) and DH. I hope like you that it will pass, and rather than looking forward to birth as I did last time, I have set my sights on maybe next March when DC2 will be 6mo and will be more of a little person, less of a bag of needs and sleep deprivation.

Depression is a huge label to have put onto yourself, but if that's what it is then so be it; once you know, you can accept help and begin to move on. I have been diagnosed with it, alongside anxiety. Not just during the pregnancy/birth phase of my life, but over the years before. For me, it is part of who I am, and unless I am having a really bad day/s, something I can force myself through. I hope if this is the case with you that you can at least find one person to talk to about it who will listen and give you RL support. smile

williaminajetfighter Sun 12-May-13 14:25:36

Understand completely. I'm pg with DC2 after many problems getting pregnant but I now spend my time thinking: what have I done? I worry about managing, costs and being stuck indoors for another 5 years. I worry about effect on my career and general exhaustion it may bring.

It is easy to focus on the hard work ahead but I am really trying to focus on the joy and happiness that a DC can bring. Keep a journal to write down your concerns but also try to spend some time thinking ahead about the good things and note those in your journal as well.

Worth talking to Dr in case you need counselling or meds to get you through.

polkadotsrock Sun 12-May-13 15:25:40

Thanks for responses. I think just writing it down here has helped and your responses have helped me gather some perspective. I will talk to the mw and see what she thinks. Thanks again

williaminajetfighter Sun 12-May-13 16:46:53

My midwife says she's even come across women who have finally gotten pg through IVF and who haven't felt excited about finally being pg. antenatal depression seems to be fairly legit and more prevalent than people think.

crazyhead Sun 12-May-13 16:56:16

I'm 15 weeks pregnant with a toddler and in the middle of major building work that has gone one for seven months now and will likely continue till the baby arrives. I am picking up a bit now but I have been surprised what a struggle this pregnancy has been mentally, and I am normally very resilient. I really have struggled at times. The dreadful weather hasn't helped either.

Even if you are looking forward to moving, the preparation for a move is just exhausting, and the thought of a new baby is, too. Whether you've crossed a line into depression or not, it is a period of many women's lives where there is just relentlessly little room for one's old self.

I don't quite know what I'm trying to say except - hugs, and I bet things will get easier xz

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