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my sister

(8 Posts)
TwoTearsInABucket Sat 11-May-13 11:07:28

Hi, I am 13 weeks pregnant, I have had my first scan so plucked up the courage to tell my sister that I am pregnant with DC3.
I have known for a long time that DSis is desparate for a third child and has had counselling for this. I was really nervous telling her and it was as bad as I thought. She cried, and didn't stay on the phone. After speaking to my mum, DSis then texted the next day to say sorry for hanging up and that it was her problem not mine. I haven't spoken to her since. Its been about a week, but I really want to speak to her because I still want to be friends with her. I think that I should leave it till she contacts me just so she has some space. I think that this has really screwed our relationship and I don't know what to do.
What would you do?

MrsSpagBol Sat 11-May-13 11:19:00

Sorry to hear this. Why not send her a message saying you would love to talk to her when she is ready as she is probably feeling a bit awkward.

TwoTearsInABucket Sat 11-May-13 11:25:58

I do want to send her text, but I know she is angry as well. I knew that she would be upset but she said that I just don't understand how she feels, and she's right, I don't.
I did send her a text immediately after her apology saying I loved her. I feel so nervous and horrible.

Thurlow Sat 11-May-13 11:26:43

I'm sorry, it is so awkward when this happens (though congrats on DC3).

I would send a text or a card, whichever one you think is most appropriate, saying that you understand she might need some space at the moment but that you love her and are ready to talk whenever she is, but that you won't be hurt if it takes a while.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be hurt because these situations are so hard, but she can't help how she feels too. Time and space will hopefully help.

dufflefluffle Sat 11-May-13 11:27:20

I haven't got a sister but I do have a sil to whom I am very close and when we were both expecting (her 3rd, my 2nd) I mc'd and was devastated. Of course I didn't hold it against her but I did feel an injustice that she conceived 3 children so easily in the time that I was having treatment to get to my 2nd - and then I lost my baby. It created an unfair but natural - I think - divide. By the time her baby was born all was back to normal - though I cried buckets when I saw the first photo and it took me a long time to visit him. If you let her know gently that you are there for her and then let her come back to you in her own time. I knew that I was not being fair but felt that I had the right to sulk and that I would get over it. Hopefully it will be the same for your sis , it is important to let her know that no matter how long it takes you will not hold this period of time against her or let it affect your relationship in any way.

MrsSpagBol Sat 11-May-13 11:33:46

TwoTears i think you sound v kind. Good advice above.

Please also try to enjoy your happy news as well as you deserve to not have to minimise your joy.


TwoTearsInABucket Sat 11-May-13 11:35:55

I don't understand the reasons for her feeling this way, but I think I do understand her depth of feeling. She often talks about people who don't deserve to have loads of kids when she's not going to have another one. I feel like I have betrayed her in some way.
I absolutely don't want to stop her being upset for as long as she wants, but I would like that we will be friends in the future.
My mum and dad don't help, they think she should stop being so silly.
I think I will send her a card.
Thanks for telling me how you felt duffle.

Dolallytats Sat 11-May-13 16:18:29

What a difficult situation for you both. My older sister is unable to have children, she would love them but cannot have them.

When I told her about my (unexpected) third, she was pleased, but did cry later on. I feel horrible for being able to have children when she can't (I know this is a little irrational as it is not my fault she can't), but I also know that, although it upsets her, she doesn't begrudge me my children and she loves being an auntie.

I think you might just have to give her a little time to get her head round the situation.

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