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think ive 'gone off' my oh...

(12 Posts)
honey86 Fri 10-May-13 22:45:41

this is abit of a wierd one,

long story short, since becoming preg my relationship has been rocky to say the least. me and oh split at 9 weeks then got back together bout 2w later. he has jealousy issues and is v clingy and insecure.

but at the same time, since about 7 weeks preg, ive kindof gone off him. it sounds bad i know, and his clingyness i think is making it worse... but i just dont really want him touching me or even kissing me, and just feel like hiding in my bedroom when the kids are at school and ignore his texts. to be honest, i dont feel like being touched hugged or chatted to by anyone. ive got zero sex drive and i feel fiercely protective of my growing bump, and dont even like oh touching it...

i feel abnormal and unsociable at the mo. whats the possibility of this being a natural effect of pregnancy, hormones or whatever... or am i prob getting depression again? ive had pnd 3 times but never antenatally. im 15w exactly x

Newtobecomingamum Fri 10-May-13 23:27:57

Hi, I think only a doctor will be able to diagnose if it is depression but it could just be your hormones. It is totally normal to have zero sex drive and not wanting your partner to touch you, especially if you are feeling sick or having any other pregnancy related issues. Some women have an active sex drive throughout pregnancy and some don't, everyone is different. I totally lost my sex drive, it's nothing to do with the way I feel about my partner and he totally understands and respects that. If there are other/bigger issues in your relationship this maybe making you feel that way. How were things before you got pregnant? Was he clingy and insure before you were pregnabt, or has something triggers it?

Newtobecomingamum Fri 10-May-13 23:32:42

Hi, I think only a doctor will be able to diagnose if it is depression but it could just be your hormones. It is totally normal to have zero sex drive and not wanting your partner to touch you, especially if you are feeling sick or having any other pregnancy related issues. Some women have an active sex drive throughout pregnancy and some don't, everyone is different. I totally lost my sex drive, it's nothing to do with the way I feel about my partner and he totally understands and respects that. If there are other/bigger issues in your relationship this maybe making you feel that way. How were things before you got pregnant? Was he clingy and insure before you were pregnant, or has something triggered it? You say you feel abnormal and unsociable etc... Is this unlike you and are you noticing signs that something is wrong and was this a patten with your previous depression? I would say to see your gp as the sooner it is diagnosed then you can help. I hope everything works out for you and please take care x x

MrsTotes Fri 10-May-13 23:34:45

Have you spoken to your doctor or midwife? That should be your first port of call. They'll be able to give you a proper diagnosis and suggest ways to help.

Pregnancy does make you feel differently towards people. I'm a lot more feisty, and have walked out of several restaurants and even a hospital appointment because I didn't like how I was being spoken to... and I would never have done that before. If you're feeling so bad that you want to lock yourself away, then you might need a bit of support to help you tackle these feelings.

As for your feelings towards your other half, you probably know deep down if these feelings are down to mood/hormones/etc. or if you'd be feeling the same way, even if you weren't pregnant. The important thing is not to try to fix everything in one go. Find a way to fix yourself first, and then you'll feel more prepared to sort out everything else.

Good luck!

Librarina Sat 11-May-13 08:30:17

My relationship was perfectly contented when I got Pregnant and I still felt very much as you did. To the point that I kicked DH out of our bed and made him sleep in the spare room. I just needed my own space, I didn't want him there all hot and breathing and smelling of meat.

He wasn't doing anything different to normal, it's just weird early pregnancy hormones can affect you like that, it's probably very primal, protecting yr baby.

I can imagine that if yr relationship was also already troubled the effects if this may well increase and make your feel worse about it. It does pass. Until right at the very end when I've kicked him out of the bed again becaus there's just no room!

I'd do whatever you can to carve yourself a little safe, quiet space. Whether that's in bed at night or 30 minutes when he takes care if the kids, or a late night bubble bath, whatever works for you.

Christelle2207 Sat 11-May-13 10:58:42

I have a very happy marriage but I really am not keen on my dh coming near me which is not normal at all. We don't even really cuddle in bed any more and my sex drive has gone from low to zero. Luckily he's understanding.
Also I very much feel like I need my own space and looking forward to finishing work early so that I can have exactly that.
Hormones are definitely at play so what you're feeling sounds normal to me. That said, if you have other issues in your relationship then hormonal changes could make things worse, I reckon. Fingers crossed things will settle down when your baby comes, fingers crossed.

honey86 Sat 11-May-13 15:50:24

there are issues he has that makes it a whole lot worse. he gets jealous over stupid things. im a big footy fan and put 'lampard you f***ing beautiful man' when he won us the game. oh got outrageously jealous and wrote a bitchy facebook status about me cos of it. he goes through my phone. he msgs friends on fb hes jealous of, telling them to stay away from me. its embarrassing. hes applied for counselling cos of his issues, but im not putting up with anything 'in the meantime' though i have a history of reacting to hormone changes in a depressive way. i might discuss with my midwife next week x

Christelle2207 Sun 12-May-13 07:40:45

sounds to me like most issues are his end then. you can do better.

Flobbadobs Sun 12-May-13 11:44:21

This is way more than pregnancy hormones. Speak to your MW next week and tell her everything including concerns about his behaviour, it may escalate during your pregnancy. In the meantime start a thread in Relationships, there are many wise women there.

Flobbadobs Sun 12-May-13 11:45:34

Not that I'm saying that there are no wise women here! blush
Just that alot of posters have experiences to share over there...

honey86 Sun 12-May-13 23:14:38

thanks thanks we split up today. i refused to row in front of my daughter so drove away from him (or tried to) so he threatened me with social services and court. i.e. hes going to call them with some sort of allegation and try to have to baby taken from me.
so i ended it. hes been intimidating me since with insults and threats. i feel very very intimidated sad

Librarina Mon 13-May-13 21:55:24

I'm sorry to read that. There was clearly more at play than just pregnancy hormones. Well done on being very brave, I hope that carries on and eventually you are happier.

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