Telling my boss

[Frizz1986]

Hi everyone,

I have just found out I am pg (4.5 weeks since start of last af) and am wondering when to tell my boss.
I have told my best friend and will tell my parents this weekend if nothing goes wrong before then as I think it would be good to have support if the worst happens.

I am currently considering telling my boss after my first midwife app next wednesday but worry I will be getting ahead of myself.

I get along v well with my boss and I think she is waiting for me to get upduffed as it is well known that I want kids. My boss even said to me as soon as I had booked my wedding that she had mentally planned that I would be leaving xmas 2013 to start a family.
I have no doubt that she would be v happy for me and would be a good support if anything went wrong whilst at work.

I only work in an office so no heavy lifting etc, but I do tend to be the go to person when it gets busy and I am the one who takes on the extra work and does long hours to help and that can be rather stressful (i dont always do well with stress)

I also want to give my boss plenty of time to train someone up for maternity leave as I have spent the past year or so learning my bosses jobs for holiday cover so it will take some time to get someone else ready to take over.

What do people think? Some people seem to say wait as long as you can, but others say that the sooner you say, the better, as long as you can deal with telling them if things go wrong.
I would only tell my first line boss and ask her to keep it confidential until I wanted to tell other people (this would be after 12 week scan)

[ImpatientOne]

When I managed people I appreciated being told as soon as possible in order to get the correct risk assessments etc in place and I had a few staff that were off in those early weeks and it reassured me that they weren't off with something terrible

If the worst did happen you would likely need to tell your boss anyway so I would say tell her and,

Congratulations

[BabyHMummy]

I told my boss at 7 weeks as like you i felt it fair to give them warning to train someone up. As it happens i have only worked for 5 weeks due to various issues but ay least they knew

[mikkii]

I didn't tell my boss until after the first scan each time (3 DCs and a m/c). This confused him with DS as he was convinced I was pregnant but I went skiing (took it easy and I have loads of built in padding!). This wasn't so helpful when I had a missed m/c, but I work with a friend so she let him know on the day of the scan and he was great.

[Thurlow]

Congrats! I told my boss at 6w, another colleague was about 10w more pregnant than me and we were a small team. We were also quite good friends and had worked together for ages, so I felt I wanted to give her plenty of time to find a replacement. Also, I'd just started throwing up for England so I wanted some support!

It is a good rule of thumb about not telling people before the first scan, but you really can tell anyone and everyone you want to. It all depends on how you'd feel telling them if anything did sadly happen.

[FoofFighter]

Bear in mind that you cannot get paid time off work for ante-natal appointments until you tell them.

[Chuckaluck]

Hi,

Your situation sounds very similar to mine so wanted to give you a slight warning! I am also the one in the office that my boss relies on and I take on extra work on a regular basis, I am not complaining as I know it's appreciated! I wanted to give my boss as much notice as possible and told her at about 9 weeks. She was great but here I am at 28 weeks and am going off in 9 weeks and she has done nothing about my maternity cover and continued to pile the work on. I have had some issues with high blood pressure so had to just start saying no to things and passing stuff to people in my team.

I hope you don't have a similar experience but just don't want you to think that by telling you boss earlier they will do anything differently!!

[Frizz1986]

Thanks everyone for all your opinions. It has been really helpful to get ideas from everyone.
I think I will tell early. Some time after my first chat with the midwife as I assume they double check that you are pg and not imagining things!

[FoofFighter]

the MW? No they don't they take your word for it. The tests available to you are as good if not better than any they use, they don't waste resources on re-testing you.

[crazyhead]

I don't see why you shouldn't tell your boss early in these circumstances. I actually think that the main question about telling your boss pre 12 weeks is whether, were you to miscarry, you would prefer your work to have known you were pregnant or not. Some people would rather have the privacy in these potential circs whereas others would like the support.

I told my boss at 9 weeks with my last pregnancy because I kept having to go to hospital with bleeding and I couldn't face lying about appointments. This pregnancy I waited till 14 weeks - it was quite a short gap and I wanted to be sure the pregnancy was viable.

I manage a number of staff and to be honest, I'd be quite happy whatever approach my staff took to telling me, I see it as their business, and it will always have to be early enough to plan cover due to that pesky bump :)

Good luck xx

[winterpansy]

I'm having a similar dilema. I have only been in post for 4 months and only work with one other person - the boss! She has 4 children herself and I have one DS, who is almost 2, so it probably won't come as too much of a surprise but I feel guilty as it's a small charity and they probably won't have the money to put cover in place so I would really be leaving them in the lurch for 9 months or so. I am having an early scan on the 17th (I'll be around 7 weeks) so might possibly tell her after that if all goes well.

Last time I was forced to tell my horrible ex-boss at 10 weeks, well before I was ready, due to a difficult situation. I really hope new boss will be much more understanding!

[ananikifo]

I told my boss early because I have to work back time for all appointments other than antenatal ones, so by telling her I was able to just take the time off. I asked her not to tell my colleagues and she didn't. If the worst had happened I probably would have needed time off to recover and would have had to tell her anyway so I didn't see the point in waiting.

[PinkApple86]

I told my boss at 10 weeks as I had morning sickness and we're a small team so I was conscious they thought something was up. he laughed when I told him and said he thought I was because I looked grey in the mornings, and I had just got married a few months before. I thought if the worst happened I might need a few days off anyway so he may as well know. glad I told early because he is normally strict and since being pregnant he has been kind and let me have extra breaks and go home a bit early if I'm really exhausted etc. being the only female member of staff goes in my favour though lol.