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Warning - irrationally angry rant about life's unfairness

(6 Posts)
stripeybumpsmum Fri 19-May-06 18:23:32

Just got to get this off my chest.
Am battling with conflict between instinctive feelings and nice middle class liberal sensible ones...
Best friend has had missed miscarriage surgically removed. Baby died at about 7 weeks, missed until scan yesterday. Assisted conception - time and finances running out.
Shit isn't it? I am irrationally angry at the unfairness. They would make fantastic parents but are struggling so much to achieve the one thing that really matters to them. Meanwhile, young (and not so young) women are getting knocked up whilst drunk, possibly not knowing who the father is, smoke and drink all through pregnancy and would probably swap baby for a West Life CD. Or, as one colleague did, made sure everyone knew she didn't want kids, then when pregnant accidentally reiterated that she wasn't bothered about it, put child in nursery 40+ hours a week and carried on social life out every night, shoving child with (fortunately, good) granny. Is openly disparaging about child and how 'evil he is.'Child has already been suspended from nursery for agression. No shit Sherlock! Maybe if it had some parental love and positive attention?
Totally hacked off. Yes, I know this will attract all sort of criticism about who am I to say who should and shouldn't have a baby. I absolutely disagree anyone has a right to have a child. I am not saying young/old/single/married/poor/rich/working/sahm etc mums do a better or worse job. Have come over all preachy and indignant about some people deserving babies more than others, esp when some people are willing & well qualified to make a child happy and some people seem to put up with parenthood because they have nothing else better to do.
Accept feeling angry is porbably just a way to feel something other than so bloody useless because she is devastated and no one can fix it. Least of all me with healthy happy baby.

GRRRRRRjhjkdsdgfij fgv [very annoyed emoticon]

compo Fri 19-May-06 18:25:27

Life's shit isn't it?

melissasmummy Fri 19-May-06 18:38:10

stripey, have a friend about to embark on the journey of IVF, I totally agree. She & her dh would make great parents & I really feel for them.

My brother is trying to adopt with new wife & the process is arduous beyound belief, but any person can have a child & never love it as much as my brother & SIL could/would!

Then 11 years & 62 yr olds go getting pregnat & I want to scream!

Your friend has my sympathy.

bran Fri 19-May-06 18:51:16

I know quite a few of my friends felt this way when I was having IVF/miscarried/was being assessed for adoption, but to be honest I never felt that life had been unfair to me.

Perhaps a sense of unfairness is something that you only feel on behalf of someone else because when I heard about children being brought up in difficult situations I felt that life was unfair for that family, but never that it was unfair that they had children but I didn't.

Of course we now have our gorgeous ds so perhaps I'm looking back at my experiences through rose-tinted specs.

bran Fri 19-May-06 19:00:48

I hope things start looking up for your friends soon sbmum. I'm glad they have a good friend who cares about them like you. It was a horrible time for me when I had a missed miscarriage after what I had previously decided would be my final round of IVF, but my friends were a great help and comfort to me. And for the most part I didn't feel worse because they had children or were getting pregnant, I felt glad for them.

(I though I had put the above paragraph into my previous post, don't know what happened to it.)

stripeybumpsmum Sat 20-May-06 21:37:10

Thanks, feeling calmer just very sad for her now. She lives about 240 miles away, and anyway can't really cope with face to face with anyone other than her mum and husband today so you just feel so inadequate sending cards and texts and being on the end of the phone. A hug would feel better

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