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Could really do with some support :(

(9 Posts)
HeffalumpTheFlump Tue 07-May-13 13:41:18

Im 17 weeks pregnant and having a bit of a hard time at the minute. My nan who basically raised me is in hospital with heart/lung problems and I'm finding it hard to cope. I love her so much it's breaking me that she is so poorly sad I feel completely helpless as it is very much a wait and see situation. The hospital are being great, running all the tests and doing all they can, but I'm really scared.

It's come at the same time as my DH's job is on the line. We find out in the next couple of weeks if he's keeping the job or not. He's worked so hard for the company despite having crohns disease and having injured his back. He hadnt taken a single day off until he hurt his back even though sometimes the crohns disease makes him so poorly he can barely function. He then had real problems with his boss when he hurt his back and because he is on a temporary contract we are now terrified they will let him go. The next lot of temps are being let go in the next couple of weeks. I'm so scared that we will be in an even worse financial situation than we already are and with the baby coming it couldnt be at a worse time.

My dad has just been diagnosed with high blood pressure and kidney problems and im really worried about him.

My grandad on the other side has cancer, and although we aren't as close I'm really worried for him too.

I recently fell out with one of my two best friends (a rediculously long story) and the other is very busy with work. I'm really feeling quite alone and don't feel I can lean on my DH or my family as they have so much on their plates too.

I'm feeling so stressed out and I'm getting really worried about how it will effect my baby. I keep reading that my emotions are passed over to the baby and feel so bad when I get upset that he or she will be feeling what I'm feeling. This is supposed to be such a happy time and it's been filled with so much sadness and stress. :'( iv spent the whole of today in tears and feel awful :'(

MrsMangoBiscuit Tue 07-May-13 14:04:31

Oh you poor thing, that's a hell of a lot to have on your plate. It's also a lot of things that you have no control over. sad Don't worry about your feelings passing over, it sounds like a lot of tosh to me. I worried about everything when pregnant with DD, but she was a very laid back baby. Just make sure you have a bit of time each day to do something for you, relax, have a nice bath, whatever helps you cope. And don't forget to vent on here, it's very theraputic. smile

ButteryJam Tue 07-May-13 14:04:43

I'm so sorry you are going through so much and feeling this way ((hugs)). I don't have much advice to give, sorry, but I didn't want to read and run.

You are obviously going through a very difficult time and on top of that you are worrying about how that will impact on your baby. Try not to worry about that. Your baby will be fine, especially as you are so far in and not in early stages.

Also, is there anything you can do to relax/make you feel better? Maybe treat yourself to a facial or go for a walk? You could speak to your midwife/GP and they could refer you to a counsellor who you could speak to? Would that help?

HeffalumpTheFlump Tue 07-May-13 14:13:46

You are right it makes it so much harder that its all out of my control. I desperately want to fix it all and I can't sad thanks for being so nice, it made me cry but in a nice way. I wil think about speaking to someone because I don't want to let myself get so low I can't pick myself up again. I desperately want to support my DH and family at the minute too but I feel completely incapable sad I'm quite an anxious person and don't really go out by myself that much but I might ask DH if he wants to go for a walk together when he gets in, that sounds like a really nice idea.

Teaandflapjacks Tue 07-May-13 16:45:38

also didn't want to read and run - like the other ladies say - there is lots going on you can't control here. But the more you internalise that and stress about it the worse you feel - you end up on a loop.

On the pregnancy - I doubt very much this will effect your baby. It is certainly true that too much stress isn't ideal - this is because cortisol - the stress hormone - comes out fighting, and too much cortisol is not good for anyone generally - but then think - lots of women work till very late in pg with work pressures etc and they are all ok. I would say though I think there is the picture women are fed of pregnancy being some kind of magical mystical time we should all be jolly grateful for and walk about baking cakes, with a contended smile on our faces. Well for me the pregnancy has been horrible! Morning sickness (all fricking day) extreme tiredness, hormone swings, migraines, unable to go to the loo properly for the first 12 weeks, now back pain and rib pain - i certainly haven't been glowing and I got upset about that - that it should be something it wasn't a while ago. And then I realised that pregnancy ideals are just that - ideals! Who cares in the end if you feel like a pile of poo and want to moan about it - good! get it off your chest, and then you will feel better. Trust me you will have those moments - like when you feel them properly kick for the first time - and just melt. But it is perfectly ok to feel fed up with life being a bitch and then some.

And try and look at things in a different way - you beloved nan is being taken care of now - they will do what they can for her, and that is a good thing. You can't make her un-ill, but you can be grateful that you still have her, had a wonderful relationship with her and she is being taken care of. You dad likewise is now - i assume - on the correct medication and following a health plan is necessary - so he is actually doing better than when you didn't know - if you see what I mean - since he is being taken care of too. And your other g dad - well of course you will be upset by that - partic with all this going on - but I would concentrate your engeries on those that you are closer too - you can turn yourself inside out trying to help everyone. Your DH work - while this affects you - you can't control - but you can together work as a team at home like it sounds you are doing. As an aside, if he has been employed by a firm for more than a year then effectively he is considered by UK staff. Make sure he knows his rights - CAB can help.

BTW - if you have fallen out with a friend - and you value her friendship it may be worth reaching out anyway, you don't know. If now sometimes you have to let people out of your life if they are negative or toxic to you. It is painful, but often for the best. The thing is with your friends, they may really want to be there for you - you need to ask people since they may not want to intrude or they may not even realise.

xx

HeffalumpTheFlump Tue 07-May-13 20:31:47

Teaandflapjacks thank you so much for your advice. You are right, I do easily get panicked by the negatives of a situation and forget to see the benefits. I've just got back from visiting my nan and they are really looking after her so well. I feel a bit better after seeing her, just completely exhausted now. Unfortunately the friend is definitely under the toxic category sad my DH and other friends had been saying for years that my friendship with her was not good for me. I got some serious proof of that recently and as much as I miss her it's not worth it sad I reached out to my remaining best friend and am going to see her this week around seeing my nan/ her work. So things are looking a little bit brighter... Really trying not to get into that loop. Thanks again.

Teaandflapjacks Tue 07-May-13 20:40:17

Glad you are feeling a bit better. I cut out a toxic friend once - took a lot of energy, but really glad I did it. She was just vile really - and it used to cause me no end of upset. And what is toxic for you, may not be for someone else, so you can't think 'but so and so gets on with them'. We have all been there in that loop - believe me. It is a horrible place to be. And we are trained to look at negatives aren't we - that thing about bad reviews of places - you tell up to ten people if you have a rubbish time somewhere and 5 if it was good?! I was really whacked out - partic around your stage - and I had a week 'wobble' with emotions being all over the place - I am sure you get some kind of hormone surge then too (nice!!). Bed, tea, biscuits and crap dvds on repeat. thanks xx

BabyHMummy Tue 07-May-13 21:01:13

Hugs being sent your way heffa

Stress and anxiety is not massively great for you or baby but it certainly won't harm baby although saying that i am signed off due to it but that's a whole different story.

The other girls are right though, all these situations are awful but complete out of your control. Try to focus on the positive aspects if what is going on. The fact that you are worried and trying to visit ppl to how you are means you are doing everything in your control to do to make things better. Looking after you and baby will be the best thing you can do for everyone.

As for the friend thing...i have done similar lately and it is very hard. But reach out to other friends and definitely talk to ir dh about how u feel. U r a team hun so ur woes are him and vice versa.

There is a lot to be said for a problem shared Xxx

HeffalumpTheFlump Tue 07-May-13 22:07:49

Thanks again teaandflapjacks. The hormone surge would explain a few things... I felt like I was managing to juggle all the different things going on but this week I have found it so much harder. I've been a lot more tearful and wobbly.

BabyH thank u so much. DH has been fantastic tonight, i haven't really needed to say much because he knows what's going on. He just got back from nipping out to get me some jelly tots just to make me smile... The little things really mean the world. Sorry to hear you are signed off for anxiety sad when I first fell pregnant I was having bad panic attacks, I feel ur pain sad hope ur feeling a bit better now you are signed off.

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