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All the negative comments are now being said !

(8 Posts)
Beckmum4 Mon 06-May-13 14:27:03

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with baby number 4 it's a boy I'm so happy I have 3girls smile the reason for negative comments --- my hubby doesn't work , we already have 3 kids and live in a 3 bedroom house.
When I found out I asked for ppl to keep their negative comments to them selfs but it seems now I'm half way it's ok to tell me that I'm stupid to get into this situation. I have been neglecting my friends (this is true its been hard to get my head round it all work evenings and be pregnant at the same time if let my friends down I know but I have realised it and have got in touch with ppl asking if I can pop round so I'm trying to build bridges. ) My family's not happy about my situation either I'm being irresponsible. To many children I'm told.
I'm just complaining as I wanted this time to be a happy time but instead I've lost friends and disappointed my mum step dad (who isn't even talking to me at the moment ) my mates upset with me as she saw a message I'd sent to another friend of how she'd up set me when she "outed" me infrount of someone ( because I hadn't yet told my mum I was expecting and I should of by then ) also they are upset that presumed that they wouldn't be happy me this was wrong for me to presume but as no negative comments have been said but nothing has been said no chit chatter about my pregnancy ect nothing this is why I presumed they weren't happy for me. I've apologised and admitted it was wrong of me to talk to another and not the friend involved and to presume. But it's taken till now 20 weeks for something to be said I've been preg for 20 weeks with no support from this friend, I now think our relationship is damaged and I'm worried it won't return to the way it was.a close and long term friendship. I miss the relationship we had its really upset me but I'm not sure I can do anything about it time will tell.
This is ment to be a happy time I thought but its just stressful and I feel I'm losing ppl close to me.
I'm not after sympathy just helps to write it down I suppose that's why i like mumsnet I can say how I feel and get advice and support with out seeing pols reactions its safe and yes selfish too. I'm sorry I I offend any of you mumsneters it not what I intended I like I should delete this account my social net work site everything as no where's safety talk and get advice I feel.
Just having a bad day I think I'm sorry
but yay I'm having a boy our last baby is a boy he wasn't planned ( Connery to popular believe ) And was a huge shock but wow he's wanted so much now and would of been if he is a girl being a boy makes no difference the 20 weeks scan ment so much I fell in love and would of if it was my 4th daughter (I was 100% sure it was a girl )
Sorry posts so long sad

chocoluvva Mon 06-May-13 15:38:23

Try to ignore their negativity. (Why do people makesuch unhelpful comments?)

They'll come round when your lovely little boy arrives.

Hope it all goes well.

beckie90 Mon 06-May-13 15:43:51

Hey hun smile same boat here although its my 3rd not 4th I'm 26+2 with my 3rd boy, i didn't tell anyone till I was 20wks pregnant because I knew what reactions I would get, mines mainly because of my age (22) but yes I've had it all since, people think I'm stupid and I get comments like oh is this your last now or you going for the girl, erm well no actually. The best thing you can try to do is politely smile through it all and say well its my life I'm a grown women, please concentrate on your own. I got so down about it at first, but in last few weeks I've thought its my life no 1 else's I'm happy with my choices so why should anyone else thats not living my life effect it, it will get better I suppose you just get used to it and think Ayy well.

I hope things can be sorted with your friend too, I lost a lot of mi friends after having children, and it isn't nice at first but I came to the conclusion that if they can't be botherd, then they can't be true friends to me.

And a massive congrats on your first little boy, ignore everyone and think happy things smile xxx

mouseymummy Mon 06-May-13 15:54:41

Op, I've had all the negative comments too, I'm currently pg with my 3rd, dd1 is 8 nearly 9 and 7mo.

I've had loads of people saying I'm never going to cope with 3 (my very helpful mum) I'm a complete idiot (my younger brother) I'm a Dick and shouldn't be allowed kids (a lovely family member, who has had 4 of her kids taken into care, 2 kids placed with family members and is currently pg again) so I'm ignoring them and concentrating on the people who are positive.

I know what you mean about neglecting friends, its difficult but why not try and arrange a meal out or something (i know with hubby not working its going to be tough but most places do a two meals for a tenner type deal now) or have some friends over in an evening once the kids are all in bed?

Could you organise an Avon party or even an Ann summers party, if you feel adventurous to try and reconnect with friends?

Booyhoo Mon 06-May-13 16:03:03

Hi op.

I spent bith if my pregnancies feeling guilty and as if i didnt deserve to enjoy them. First time because i was only 18 and the news just wasnt well received at all and second time because it was very very soon after i got back with my ex and nobody was happy about that so i spent the whole time feeling like i shouldnt enjoy it and should feel guilty for not being in the right circumstances but you know what based on what ive been through if i was to get pregnant agajn, no matter what the circumstances i would give myself permission ti get excited and enjoy it and let everyone else feel however the hell they wanted to feel about it.

Give yourself permissio. To enjoy it an let go of any guilt.

chocoluvva Mon 06-May-13 16:03:58

FWIW, I have two DCs. When they were little I used to think anyone who had more than 2 must be off their heads or superhuman. Now that mine are teenagers I envy people who have more.

There's something about families that makes them think they can say exactly what they think to you even though they'd never go up to someone in the street and make the same comment confused

cazboldy Mon 06-May-13 16:11:28

try it being number 6 grin

18 wks with number 6. only told a few people, but only had a couple of congratulations so far - mostly horrified - especially my family.

which if i asked for their help i could understand, but i very rarely do!

yes we haven't got much room, but we will manage - and how we do is noone's business!

my dh works hard to support us all.

we are happy, and if other people aren't - who cares!

congrats btw x

rosiedays Tue 07-May-13 09:20:07

Hi OP, hope your feeling better today flowers it's tough being pregnant, it really pisses me off how some Mothers (!!!) forget that. 4 wow smile i'm 1 of 4 and it was great fun growing up. I always wanted a big family (29 weeks with DD3) and you got your little man grin I'm jelous
I've had unimaganable shit over this unexpected pregnancy, including (this weekend) my DM saying i have commited career suiside and face undouted finantial ruin!!! confused However Baby is coming, a beautiful little baby who will recieve everything she needs as i'm sure your's will too.
PP is right, give yourself permittion to want this baby and enjoy your last riggely bean smile
Don't let the Ba****ds get you down. brew

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