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Age gap wobble

(12 Posts)
Keepsmilingsunshine Mon 06-May-13 14:07:39

I know there is very little I can do about it now, but having a little hormonal wobble. We originally planned for a 2-3 year age gap but it took us 3 years to get a BFP. DS will be a little over 5 when DC2 is born and I would love to hear of some positive stories of sibling relationships with a larger age gap.

LizzieVereker Mon 06-May-13 14:17:29

My DS1 and DS2 are 6 years apart, and I have only positive things to say about the age gap. I think it is wide enough so that they are not likely to squabble over things, but not so wide that they don't relate to each other. Of course they occasionally get on each other's nerves, but most of the time they adore, I would go so far as to say, idolise each other. It helps that DS1 is a very calm, nurturing sort of chap who has always loved the big brother role.

It can be difficult to find things that they both enjoy doing on days out, holidays etc, but we've "trained" them to accept that sometimes an activity will favour their brother, and that they'll get their turn.

Now that DS1 is 14, we are careful to make sure that DS2 does not invade his privacy too much, and that DS1 is able to have time with his friends uninterrupted, but tbh most of DS1's friends are really kind to DS2 and make a fuss of him.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck thanks

RosinaCopper Mon 06-May-13 14:20:39

Firstly, congratulations! I was EXACTLY like you - hoped for a 2 year gap and then finally fell pregnant on the 36th month of trying. My oldest was meant to be just over 5 when dcs 2 (and 3 as it turned out, twins - which was a bit of a shock!) were expected, but in the end they were early and dc1 turned 5 a few days after they were delivered.
It was absolutely fine. I explained to dc1 about how I wouldn't be able to have as much time just him and me for a while, because of the babies, and he was old enough to understand. I also pointed out that he had had me and my dh all to himself for 5 years, and that the twins would never have that!
We have had no problems really, and have made sure that dc1 puts things he didn't and doesn't want the twins to have somewhere safe, or else they are fair game. I must say, though, that it's only now that they are coming up to ages 3 and 8 that my 3 dcs play together - the gap was just too big for them early on. But it is lovely to have them all playing together, which I suppose would have happened sooner if the gap had been smaller. Even now, dc1 forgets himself sometimes and treats the twins like his peers. I reckon every age gap has pros and cons, and you've just got to go with the pros!

StrangeGlue Mon 06-May-13 14:22:04

Both me and dh have 5/6 year ages gaps with our DBs and get on with them really well. No competing and it's the age gap we'll sim for. But when it comes down to it that's thusly anecdote - personality dictates if kids get along, nor age gaps.

Eletheomel Mon 06-May-13 14:22:47

I'm giving you this from a slightly different angle, but...

I'm the youngest of 5 kids and there are 7 years between me and my youngest eldest sister (if you know what I mean). I have always had a close relationship with my sisters especially the ones which are 7 years and 10 years older than me. When I was a child and they were teenagers there would take me places which was great - I felt quite spoiled. (although I confess I was 'dumped' on them for babysitting occassionally and I knew they weren't pleased when they wanted to hang out with their mates after school, but that phase didn't last long).

And when I reached my own teenage years we just stayed really close, we went out together, been on holiday together etc.

I'm 41 now and we're still as close.

There will be a 3.5 year gap between this current bean and DS. I was initially hoping for a 2 year gap, but I keep reminding myself how well I get on with my siblings and I know that 4 or 5 years isn't a problem, in fact I actually think it might reduce the risk of rivalry and enable them to bond.

Certainly I know people who have a 2-3 year gap with their siblings and they don't get on at all. I think it'll all come down to the personalities of the children involved, but there is no reason why they won't get on - all it means is that it might be longer (and they'll be older) before they're willing to play with each other (given the difference in their development).

Hope this helps.

beckie90 Mon 06-May-13 14:25:05

I don't have an age gap of 5yrs between 1&2 but I will have nearly 5yrs between ds1 and ds3 when he's here. Ds1 already loves been a big bro. So I'm sure your dc will be the Same.

My mum had my sister when I was 10, I was really jealous when she first told me she was pregnant, but soon as she took me to 3 month scan I was over moon. And absolutely adore my lil sister now. I'm 22 now and my sister is 12 smile

Congrats on your pregnancy I'm sure it will be fine thanks xx

Freddiemisagreatshag Mon 06-May-13 14:27:39

My oldest to youngest is a 12 year gap. They are incredibly close, and boy/girl as well.

shelly81 Mon 06-May-13 14:29:22

My DS's are 13 & 11 and due a lil girl in a week grin so were going to have hormonal teenagers and a newborn ...lucky me haha !!

Haywire Mon 06-May-13 14:36:30

Have exactly that gap between 5 year old dd1 and dd2 who is nearly 4 months. Dd1 has been amazing so far she adores her baby sister. Getting ready for school run a pain but means all day to spend with baby. I sometimes miss the time I spent with dd1 but am trying to fit in one to one time and she has gained so much already. Sure there will be ups and downs in their relationship but so far has just made me appreciate what a lovely generous girl dd1 is grin

Keepsmilingsunshine Mon 06-May-13 14:39:46

Such lovely stories, thank you all so much for sharing. Being an only child myself it is really important to me that DS has a sibling, and with no experience to draw from it's such a relief to hear hear that at larger age gap wont stop them from getting on. I'm sure DS will make a wonderful big brother, he very loving and caring and he's already very excited about helping when baby comes (although he's told me he's not changing nappies grin)

Mutley77 Mon 06-May-13 14:41:20

Took us a year to conceive DC2 and we therefore have an age gap of nearly four years between our first two children which wasn't planned as such. They are some of the closest sibs I know - they are so loyal and loving towards each other - although of course have their moments! I really believe the age gap has resulted in a much lower level of rivalry - they are not competitors for anything as their needs and wants are so different.

I am now expecting DC3 and the age gap will be nearly 5 years (and obviously therefore nearly 9 years between DC 1 and DC 3) but I have no worries at all.

The other obvious benefit is that each child has had their own "baby" time and the practicalities of managing a baby with an over 3 (versus an under 3) are just way way easier!

Pusspuss1 Mon 06-May-13 18:57:08

They'll be fine - there's nothing to worry about, I promise! My brother and I have a 4 year age gap and we get on really well. Same for my mum and her sister, with a 7 year gap!

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