Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Pregnant with number two, worried about number one .... normal?!

16 replies

Onesliceortwo · 05/05/2013 19:49

I know this is going to sound totally bonkers, but I am slowly going around the bend with this one!
I'm 6 weeks pregnant with much longed for baby number two and I just cannot imagine how I will be able to love it as much as I love baby number one ....... Is this common or do I need to get some help?
I had a really difficult pregnancy with number one and struggled with anxiety - have a horrible feeling that I'm being hormonally poisoned again! Anyone else felt like this?! Thank you.

OP posts:

Report

LoganMummy · 05/05/2013 21:34

I feel the same. I'm 36 weeks with DC2 and having a tough pregnancy. I love DS more than anything and just can't imagine loving anyone as much.
However my sister just had her second and says she loves both her DDs equally and that not to worry.

Report

CitizenOscar · 05/05/2013 21:38

I'm also pregnant with DC2 and I think these feelings are really common. My DM has even said the same because DS1 is her first grandchild and she can't imagine loving another one as much. My DF said something lovely: "you think you don't have enough room in your heart for another child, but then they're born and you find a whole new chamber of your heart has opened up."

Hope he's right

Report

LittleNutTree · 05/05/2013 21:44

It's totally normal When I was about 8wks pg with DD2 (a very much wanted baby), I remember standing at the side of DD1's cot while she slept, crying uncontrollably at the thought that I had ruined her life! It was worse when I found out that DD2 would also be a girl, I thought that DD1 might think we were trying to replace her! It wasn't until she was born that I realised that it would all be okay and that I could love them both the same, I couldn't imagine life without her now! And the thought hasn't even really crossed my mind during this pregnancy with DC3 (a very much wanted but quite unexpected baby!).

Congratulations on your pregnancies by the way!

Report

LittleNutTree · 05/05/2013 21:45

I was also told, 'Your heart grows with each child' which is really lovely too.

Report

Springforward · 05/05/2013 21:54

Thank you for starting this thread OP, I've been concerned about this (currently 36 weeks with DC2) but haven't felt able to talk to anyone but DH about it. Watching with interest.

DH just pointed out that I stroke my bump when I'm resting which to him looks just like what I do to DS' hair when we're snuggling on the sofa, so he's convinced that I'm going to be as potty about this one as I am about DS.

Report

Jojobump1986 · 05/05/2013 23:21

I actually have the opposite problem - if anything, I'm scared I'm going to love DS2 more than DS1! DS1 is the spitting image of DH & is such a 'daddy's boy'. Daddy was his 2nd word & it's taken him a further 3 months to learn to say Mammy. He gets so excited every night when DH gets home but never responds the same way if I go out for a while! I'm a little nervous that DS2 will be more of a 'mammy's boy' & that I'll prefer him to DS1. At the moment I'm telling myself that they'll both have their own characters & I'll love different things about each of them!

I didn't really get that instantaneous rush of love for DS1 when he was born. I'm more of a 'love grows over time' type person but I'm a bit concerned about how I'll react if I do get that hormonal response with DS2. I guess their births may have an impact on how I feel initially. I had a small pph & a tear so had to transfer in from a homebirth after DS1 was born & we struggled to establish breastfeeding for quite a long time & I'm scared that things will go more smoothly this time & that I'll bond with DS2 more easily.

It'll be fine though. I'll just keep telling myself that until it really is! DS1 is so besotted with DH that he probably wouldn't notice who I preferred!

Report

Jimmybob · 05/05/2013 23:43

I stumbled across this...& it reminded me of how I felt. I couldn't possibly love number 2 as much as number 1. Generally, I find the love grows and it grows within the family when you see how much the love each other when they are not bickering. They are having a love fest at the mo - with ds using his free time at school to make older dd a bracelet, for instance. BTW - I find a love them the same amount, just love them differently according to what they need at the time...

Report

redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 06/05/2013 07:23

I'm worried about disrupting DS1's little life! We're all he's ever known and now we're bringing another little person in to the mix. I'm sure he'll be put out about that for a bit too but will be fine in the end.

Report

BlackholesAndRevelations · 06/05/2013 07:57

Someone said to me that the best gift you can give your child is a sibling.

Report

ChocolateCremeEggBag · 06/05/2013 08:42

Tot ally agree with Blackholes, when our DC are all grown up having family is so important. I'm the eldest of four and can remember asking my mum why she didn't just stop with me. But now we are in 20's and 30's am increasingly glad to have them. They are also fab with DS.

Report

Jimmybob · 06/05/2013 08:56

I agree with blackholes too - just thinking of the head start you are giving them in turns of relationships with other people. Parents are lovely and they are not the same as a brother or sister. I have lots of siblings and am generally grateful for them as my parents have got older. Also, you can often tell the difference between a child with sibilings and an only...

Report

Mamabear12 · 06/05/2013 10:00

It's optotally normal. I know once the second baby comes I will love him or her just as much, ESP as they grow and personality shows. My worry is that my first will feel a little jealous or sad and I want to prevent that! Nothing makes me feel worse then when my baby cries or looks sad etc! But I know she will get used to it and eventually be very happy to have a sibling (I hope!)

Report

adila12 · 06/05/2013 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Chrysanthemum5 · 06/05/2013 11:32

I remember when DD was born, we took DS to a soft play centre. I was sitting with DD who was asleep, watching DS having fun with his dad, and sobbing quietly because I was convinced we'd ruined DS's life and now he'd have to share us. Fast forward a few years and I see the lovely relationship they have, and I know they have benefited hugely from having each other.

It's a common concern, but having more children just means your
DC have you and their siblings to love them.

Report

PicklePants · 06/05/2013 13:40

I feel the same way OP! I'm about 6 weeks with DC2 and I've been wondering if we've made an awful mistake. I keep catching myself gazing at DS, and going all misty-eyed, thinking about how he's got no idea that his wee life is about to be turned upside down

We were trying to conceive as well, so it's really daft! Although I fell pregnant the first month this time (took nearly a year last time) so I think perhaps I'm still in a bit of shock.

Report

Onesliceortwo · 06/05/2013 14:27

Thank you so much everyone! It's so reassuring to know that I'm not alone - I seriously was beginning to question whether I was losing the plot slightly. There are some lovely, lovely ways here to think positively about it - I need to keep them at the forefront of my mind!