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What did/will you do with family members during and after birth?

(29 Posts)
SeriousStuff Thu 02-May-13 17:38:43

Hi all, seems a bit silly me thinking about this now as I'm only 16+6, but it's been on my mind the last few days.

I wanted to hear you experiences or plans around what to do with family during and immediately after birth. I don't like the idea of family hanging around at the hospital (which wouldn't cross their mind anyway) but if I need to stay in, I wouldn't mind visits from parents and siblings.

My family live relatively close so no big issue there but my in laws will have to travel quite a way and don't know what to do with them as I don't want anyone staying at our house. My DH will get barely any time off work as it is and I'd like to spend it just the three of us.

What would you advise? - I want to see family on both sides and they will be bursting to see the baby but how do I get my DH to tell his family they can't stay?

Am I being selfish?!

Pyrrah Fri 03-May-13 14:04:13

I really, really recommend opting to go and visit rather than have people come to see you. So much less hassle and you can go as soon as you want rather than sitting there fuming that FIL making suggestions that you should cook dinner for them all...

MummyBurrows Fri 03-May-13 17:03:12

I must be one of the lucky ones reading some peoples mum and dh were with me when I gave birth and had mil,bil,my dad,sister,best friend and her teenage son in the waiting room,I made it clear that ils were not allowed in at any poiint until I had given birth and that was never an issue anyway seeing as mil had 2 young kids of her own to entertain all day (I had an august baby so summer holidays) and my dad and sister only came up once I was 9cms and best friend popped in and out when my mum or dh needed a break to stretch their legs (16hr labour!). My mum popped over every evening for a couple of hours after I had baby so that she could have cuddles and it gave me time to have a bath and relax a bit and dh time to do a bit of dinner for us smile mil happily stayed away unless invited but even then we told her we would go to her (she's local),but then again after having 6kids I think she knew full well how much you wana b left to do your own thing at first and adjust! My grandparents waited almost a weeks to visit which was fine.

I think as long as you make your wishes clear you will find that people can be very compliant,trust me despite what I've said,my mil was very overbearing and pushy at times and was a complete nightmare throughout my pregnancy,she only stopped a week before I went into labour and started again a couple of weeks after birth...until I snapped when my dd was 6wks old and I bit her head off in such a way that she has never again dared to say anything to me that could be seen as interferring,overbearing or telling me what to do lol! She's kept her distance so far with my current pregnancy too (16+4) and I think she'll stay pretty quiet too-shes even said she likes every one our current choices of baby names (even though I know she actually doesn't like them!).

If you don't want relatives staying with you then just make that clear,or say that you will come to them once baby has arrived and your settled smile being firm but fair will work,some of their intentions may change the closer you get to your due date but some relatives may actually need to be told straight in a very blunt manner if they are of the pushy variety smile Just remember that what you want,goes and everyone else has to respect your wishes,even if they don't really want to!xx

C0smos Fri 03-May-13 19:51:18

My parents are an 11 hour flight away. They asked when they could come and I said about 6 weeks after would be great. I'm having an ELCS so hopefully I'll be up and about by then and we can go and do things.
My older DS's nanny will be around the month before so I don't think I'll need any other help.
I have to be honest I'm not sure I'd want my ILs staying for 3 weeks, it's different with your own family I think, I don't mind if they see me slobbering on the sofa and I can be honest if they wind me up.

DuelingFanjo Fri 03-May-13 19:57:05

I would advise telling DH that you don't want anyone staying at the house before, during or after the birth. If that's what you want then it must apply to all family, not just DH's.

There's no need for anyone to know you are in labour and no reaon or anyone to be at the hospital until afte the baby is born, and then they should come only during visiting hours by arrangement with you and DH.

When you get home it's fine to give people times to visit and get DH to agree to usher them out after a certain time.

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