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ARGH. Interfering mother in law.

(39 Posts)
MisselthwaiteManor Wed 01-May-13 16:18:39

Anyone else have this?

I'm probably hormonal and ungrateful and moody. But, she's driving me mad.

She talks about babysitting as if the baby is going to be with her all the time. We don't intend to ever leave the baby there and she has been told. She has been taking second hand stuff from everyone and their dog, she's got a pram, Moses basket, travel cot, carseat, bouncer, she's got people knitting blankets and cardies etc. All of this is for leaving at her house for using while she's babysitting.

She's telling me what to eat, what to do, what to buy. Making orders and demands, have you bought this/that yet? WHY not? etc. Telling me what my sleeping/feeding arrangements will be. There was an 'ew' when I stated my intention to breastfeed.

We don't know the sex but she's decided it's a girl, and what's it's name will be hmm

She's mentioned being in the room while I give birth! Over my cold, dead body will this happen.

I get that she's excited but I'm anticipating her snatching the baby and running away to Spain.

Teaandflapjacks Thu 02-May-13 11:12:27

Izchaz didnt see your post before I posted - thanks that sounds awful.

YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad Thu 02-May-13 15:57:41

We had this too (although not quite as intense as your MIL by the sound of it!).

It escalated until they came to stay and we had a bit of a face off after she told me that I was 'in for a huge shock' and 'woefully underprepared' (despite moving house, going to AN classes, reading books and getting all the right equipment). I put her straight (politely), she flounced and we didn't hear from her again until the baby was born. And everything was rosy from then on!

dexterpat Fri 03-May-13 22:50:33

We've just had our 20 week scan and found out dc3 is a boy grin that's 3 boys for us and we're really pleased. Especially as my dad died 2 weeks ago, We put it on Facebook her first comment was awwwwww I want another granddaughter sad oh well I love the other ones so it'll do!!- she came round tonight ( seemingly mainly to say that my nephews chicken pox were worse than ds1's!!!) and went 'are we sure it's a boy I want a girl' - I told her she should have another bloody girl herself if my son will not be good enough for her - grrrrr she also has a house full of tat that's for baby sitting ( the last time my boys slept out was in October on a sleep over at my sisters ) I share your (s)mother in law pain

talula040982 Tue 27-Aug-13 16:30:27

i can really sympathise with most of these comments as am dealing with a very interfering MIL. she was ok at the start of me and my partners relationship but as soon as she caught wind that i wanted to have a baby after being with her son for 10 years she did what she could to talk him out of it claiming im not maternal and using sensitive private things about my past such as ive suffered with anxiety so therefore i would never cope being a parent. That was the day i realised she is a selfish nasty person who was only thinking of herself. Shes always been threatened by me and is very needy with my partner it has all been down to worrying that he will forget about her if he has a family of his own- quite pathetic really. yet when her daughter had her first baby she was over the moon and excited. she has been a nightmare since i fell pregnant. She used to rub my tummy and say how is johns baby- john being my partner very wierd. The morning after our first night home from long labour c section she was demanding access to her grand daughter even though she had already visited us in hospital twice. I was beside myself extremely tired but my partner wouldnt support me and hasnt supported me thorughout our relationship when it comes to his mum. I have held my tongue and let her undermine my parenting since the day my daughter was born 12 months on my blood is boiling. She qustions everything from how much milk i give my baby to what time i put her to bed she evn has the cheek to challenge healthy rules that i put down. For instance she has undermined me for months as i refuse to give my daughter juice i give her water but MIL doesnt agree with this. She has something to say about everything i do she is very condescending. Ive asked my partner to have a word with her to back off and let me raise my child however the hell i want to but he has failed to do this or maybe tried but has been unsuccessful so after months of boiling anger i have finally confronted her. She didnt take it well at all i wasnt even rude i just said that i need her to take a step back and not be so critical towards my parenting style. she was very arrogant on the phone advising that i will regret not listening to her and that i will not cope once im back at work. I have since not talked to her but feel really angry about it its hard enough being a first time mum in the first place without having someone else contantly undermine you! my own mother wouldnt dream of undermining me she has supported me from day one always telling me im a great mum and trusts i know best for my daughter. Its a shame she is nothing like my own they have zero in common my mum is a career women who believes in having a healthy balance of family and career while his mum doesnt work has no friends just her family so is very needy.... so can really sympathise with everyone on here and how difficult it is especially when you have a partner who wont stand up for you and yes my partner falls undr the cateogory of choosing his mum to spend xmas with over my daughter and I.

LittlePeaPod Tue 27-Aug-13 16:52:58

Yes I have an over bearing and opinionated ML too but I do love her to bits. This is to be PILs first grand daughter. ML told DF that I had already agreed with her she would take the baby all day at least once a week. We have never discussed this. She constantly tells me what her daughter did and therefore what I should be doing/do when the baby is born, including what books to read… Very annoying. She once said that as my DF will probably not be able to cope with me giving birth apparently his just like his dad who wasn't in the room when the she had both DC, she will be there with me.. No Effing Way! My own mother isn't aloud in the room.. PLUS I am having a ECS (out of choice, no medical reason). We haven't told her this yet because she will not approve - not like I give to flying hoots. My DF is already fully aware that I do not want her hounding me and constantly turning up at the house when our daughter is born. But, I am lucky because he has already told her if she doesn't behave herself she will not be invited to the house and will have very limited access to the baby. TBH, she seems to have improved a little since DF spoke to her.

DF and I have agreed that we will not tell anyone the baby has arrived until we have had at least 1 full day with her alone.

puggywug81 Tue 27-Aug-13 17:57:07

Oooo glad I'm not alone my MIL is lovely, she has a heart of gold but is a little OTT, she came to my 1st midwife appointment and spent ALOT of time discussing her pregnancies and Labour's and even asked the midwife if they will cut my lady garden or let it rip, argh!

Lizkmg Mon 31-Aug-15 05:51:29

I'm awake at half 5 in the morning because this has been playing on my mind recently, and I wanted to find done advice. My MIL is increasingly worrying me. I'm pregnant with my first baby, and what will be her first grandchild. It started off with her genuinely sulking and blanking me because we didn't tell her the news when we found out, and instead waited til about 10 weeks (when it became obvious due to my sickness). Then she thawed from that and has become a serious bump botherer. I dread the groping awaiting me at every visit, and it's already kind of established and too late to stop. I was so shocked at how over the top and inappropriately she was doing it I think I was shocked out of reacting to stop it. Now she's buying the pram(!) and telling me in graphic detail about how she was "cut down there" and she had to be held down while they did it and other unnecessary gruesome details about childbirth. I'm not expecting a walk in the park but I didn't ask for her to share this while I'm trying to drive us somewhere. She wants to be at the scan (no way) they allow 1 adult in with you so it will be my OH. I just know she'll want to be at the bedside / on the ward when I go in.

This is all made worse by the fact my OH says he wants us to live within walking distance of her! She's in poor health so he wants to be close. I get that, but walking distance?!

Anyway, some good advice in here - thank you all & it's good to vent, I feel a bit better now smile

Cheshirehello79 Mon 31-Aug-15 19:56:10

Oh dear ... Put your foot down

That would gave driven me mental but I gues just speak to your dh to have a word with her - she might be overly excited. Is this going to be the first grandchild?

u32ng Tue 01-Sep-15 13:21:53

Oh my god!! Just reading these posts is making my blood boil for you all!!shock

Thankfully I don't have those issues although it does bring back some memories of past. Things got VERY bad when MIL was dead against our decision to do baby led weaning and in so many words told us that we were going to kill our DS. She even roped DH's sister into the anti-BLW offensive. It caused a lot of upset at the time but we just ignored them as much as possible, avoided mealtimes with them & stuck by our decision in a united front.

DS is alive and well & eventually she just had to get over it. Will be interesting to see if the cats bum mouth reappears when it DC2 is born and weaning comes around again!!

leadcrow Tue 01-Sep-15 17:09:19

Your MIL sounds like a nightmare, but this is my your problem to solve its your partners.

I'm thankfully blessed with a very good MIL and FIL but from time to time if there's something we disagree with I will hold my tongue and later tell my
Husband that this is not acceptable and he has to talk to them about whatever the issue is.

As I said, I'm lucky and that's rare but I imagine it'll be a great deal worse when the baby is born, but I know that I will have to be firm, and if they don't listen to me they're my husbands parents so he has to deal with it.

Get you husband to take responsibility for his have enough to deal with with a baby on the way...this is his job to deal with!

happymummyone Thu 03-Sep-15 20:08:46

Watch out OP, my exDPs mother ended up in the delivery room when I had my DD, she wandered in while I was busy pushing so she genuinely saw my DD emerge from my body. I've still no idea what she was even doing there.

Shimaj Sun 06-Mar-16 23:27:51

I am so happy I found this forum because I really need to just rant about my MIL.
I am seeking therapy because of her and she has made my life miserable.
Since the day I met her son who is now my husband she has had an issue with me. She has no daughters and to her eyes her 2 sons can do NO wrong. If the whole world say the sky is blue and either of her sons say it's pink she will believe them.
She double checks everything I say with her son.
Undermines my parenting skills all the time, tried to force sugary food down my 11 month old son despite me telling her countless times no.
Since the day our son was born she continuously says how much he looks like her dad! I mean ok fine but the whole damn world can see both of us in our son but it's like she can't bear it to say that he looks like me, and I am far from ugly lol
She makes these little snidy remarks.
I am Persian so I try to bring my son up not forgetting his roots by teaching him both English and my mother tongue but she keeps telling me I should learn Turkish to teach my LO Turkish ( she is turkish Cypriot )
I am fed up!!!!! She turns up when she likes, likes to have her way and her say in every aspect of my life,
What makes matters worse is that my husband is too scared to speak up and defend me !!

KatharinaRosalie Mon 07-Mar-16 09:37:35

Shimaj, you get more replies if you start your own thread, instead of posting on this old one. People will otherwise reply to the first poster.

Luna2017 Thu 27-Jul-17 18:15:28

First baby for me but third grandchild for mum who is helping out but pushing my partner out of everything. She wants to help and I don't want to offend her but my partner feeling just like a sperm donor. She is staying overnight and now says she will take the baby home for a few days to give us a break. He is just over a week old. Should I get her to back off a bit?

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