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DH scared of doing it!

(19 Posts)
afrikat Wed 01-May-13 11:27:12

Now I am over the nausea stage of early pregnancy I am keen for our sex life to pick up again. However almost every time we try DH 'loses it' as soon as we get going. He is terrified of hurting me / the baby and he just can't get his head around the fact I am enjoying it and the baby can't possibly know what's going on / be hurt at all. I am only 20 weeks so we have a long way to go!

We have talked it through and he knows logically its all fine but when it gets to the 'moment of truth' he just can't concentrate and his mind flies all over the place, worrying about whether he is hurting me or if the baby can feel anything.

Has anyone else had this and can you suggest anything to help??

hartmel Wed 01-May-13 11:38:13

I can only add that I'm 21 weeks now and we only had maybe 3 or 4 times sex since I'm pregnant..
At the beginning I just felt like crap, but once it got better DH was scared to hurt me or the baby. To be honest I was also scared. As this is our first one on the way. And we are scared to do to something wrong. :-)

Now the tummy is in the way and there is not much room down there anymore :-)

Enjoy your pregnancy..
When are you due?

afrikat Wed 01-May-13 11:50:15

Glad it's not just us! It doesn't help that we have started feeling it kicking - that has scared him even more! We are very close and he is wonderful - I just don't want to lose the intimacy that comes with having sex and become that couple that pretty much never do it again!

Am due on 20th September. What about you hartmel?

Lorelei353 Wed 01-May-13 12:26:44

My DH was the same and in truth he hasn't got over it. Last time we dtd I was about 20 weeks and he didn't really enjoy it. He just hasn't wanted to do it since and I'm 34+3 now. It's hard but I have to respect the fact that he's just not comfortable with it. Really looking forward to getting our sex life back after baby's born!

Kelly1814 Wed 01-May-13 14:38:06

you have my sympathy. i had a cerclage placed at 14 weeks and told categorically no sex. it is literally killing me and i hate the lack of intimacy in my life now. another 7 months without sex is not a nice thought, at all.

BraveLilBear Wed 01-May-13 14:42:40

Not entirely sure what my DP is struggling with, but we're also sex-starved in our house. Well, I am, at least. We've talked about it a lot and there's lots of things getting in the way, including him being tired, him not being as fit as he was etc

He says it's not because I'm so much bigger than I used to be (28 weeks gone, former very flat size 8 tummy) but I'm not convinced.

We still have cuddles, but I'd murder a proper like-a-teenager kiss. (And the rest - and I'm not even that horny, just miss the intimacy).

It's hard difficult. Sympathies extended.

BraveLilBear Wed 01-May-13 14:44:26

Kelly that must be so frustrating for you (although perversely, I think a strict 'no sex' label would make the deed seem more attractive to many men).

Can you still play in other ways though?

MrsBucketxx Wed 01-May-13 14:44:55

have you tried doggy, you wont look pregnant and it might take his mind off things.

lookingfoxy Wed 01-May-13 17:42:54

Same here, I'm 33 weeks and until last month was able to talk dp into it, had a great sex life before now he just won't come near me despite me suggesting new positions etc. He's totally freaked by the thought but it makes me feel so sad for the lack of intimacy also.

Kelly1814 Wed 01-May-13 17:49:03

Bravelilbear I am not allowed to (sorry tmi) climax so whilst we can i theory do other things it just makes me even more frustrated. I am (ahem) indulging him which I do enjoy but Jesus wept, I'm a cat on a hot tin roof!

afrikat Wed 01-May-13 17:50:58

It feels weird that I am the one trying to instigate all the sex - it's usually the other way round! I might try for doggy next time - it often puts him off if I shift around cos he is squishing my boobs in some way (which hurts) so at least we would avoid that. It's nice that he cares so much but I am worried about going from 'sexy wife' to 'mother of his child' if you know what I mean? Although I don't have the highest sex drive I want to make sure that side of things is healthy as I think it's so important in the long term. And once the baby gets here it won't exactly be easy to get down to it!

afrikat Wed 01-May-13 17:56:24

Wow kelly1814 that sounds like a form of torture! At least in my case I always get taken care of first - it is my DH who never seems to make it to the end as he starts feeling all weird. maybe I should stop complaining smile

hartmel Wed 01-May-13 21:23:23

I'm due sept 10... Just came from my 20 week (21+1week now) scan...
It looks like we are going to have a little boy..
Now my husband is so excited that he doesn't want to have sex for a while. He doesn't want to harm his little boy. :-)

eltsihT Thu 02-May-13 17:34:25

My hubby has no interest in sex when I am pregnant. Apparently he can't get he image out of his head that he is prodding the baby. sighs however as soon as I am not pregnant, he can't keep his hands off me. Last time I remember having to wait 6 weeks being a total nightmare.

I too am missing the intimacy, we are currently sleeping I separate beds as I starfish when pregnant and get annoyed with him being too hot. But I do sneak into his bed for 30 minutes in the morning for a cuddle which helps

yellowsnownoteatwillyou Fri 03-May-13 11:54:29

Dh and I are in the same situation, I'm 28 weeks and its just not the same, it's more of putting when the baby wriggles about. sad

On a real tmi note, Dh went downstairs (cough) the other day and was very upset his forehead was touching the bump, luckily baby was not kicking him, or that would have been awful.

afrikat Fri 03-May-13 12:04:25

Hahaha yellowsnow that cracked me up smile

We have our 20 week scan today and I think once be sees it wriggling around in there he will be even more put off!

BraveLilBear Fri 03-May-13 12:30:42

Lol yellow just had a mini giggle at my desk! Poor you! I am slightly wondering if that's how a friend IRL posted on facebook recently that her baby had just kicked her OH in the head. My instant reaction was 'what was his head doing there?'

Agree with hating being the instigator... just feels so unsexy. I have had a list of ideas from OH to help him get in the mood which included... (and I kid you not) - being given flowers, candles in bedroom, 'not being snappy and angry about everything', and cleaning the house (sadly not even in French maid outfit, just says an untidy house stresses him out too much more annoying when he's the worst culprit ).

Kelly my heart goes out to you... plus you get maximum points for indulging him - I've made a couple of attempts and was utterly exhausted by the effort!

You must be saving a fortune on the heating bill though with all those cold showers... <tries to find positive>

yellowsnownoteatwillyou Fri 03-May-13 12:39:33

Glad to amuse grin

Don't think I'm going to get it again as he just looked unnerved by the whole experience.

BraveLilBear Fri 03-May-13 12:44:24

<Resolves self to never let DP see this thread just in case he feels moved to emulate MrYellowSnow's heroics...>

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