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birth announcement and facebook

(25 Posts)
elliejjtiny Tue 30-Apr-13 17:57:15

apologies in advance for the first world problem smile

I'm 30 weeks pregnant with baby 4. With DS3 DH phoned his parents and also talked to DS1 and DS2. Then I phoned my parents. Before the birth DH told his parents my waters had broken and they took DS1 and DS2 back to theirs. DH phoned them with updates a lot. I told my parents that I was going to be induced if nothing had happened and that's it, I just wanted to get on with it without interruption. We came home later that night and then DS3 was readmitted with a low temperature. Came home after a couple of hours and went to do a birth announcement on facebook. Found out my sister had beaten me to it, along with various "labour updates" which were absolute rubbish as she didn't know how my labour was going. She knew I was looking forward to announcing the birth as we'd discussed it before. DH doesn't do facebook and I prefer it to talking on the phone when I'm tired and covered in gunk so the facebook announcement is really important to me.

How can I stop that happening again this time? Very tempted to wait until after we get home before telling my parents that the baby is born. Definately not going to tell them anything beforehand. I'm worried that they will find out somehow and get offended.

I know this is really trivial but pregnancy tends to make me very irrational at the best of times and DC4 has a cleft lip so I'm extra sensitive. I've already had various stupid comments from people and my pregnancy rage is building. I also want to tell my friend who has had multiple miscarriages sensitively that my baby is here before the news goes out on facebook.

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Tue 30-Apr-13 18:00:09

just dont tell anuone anything till YOU are ready to. do it on your terms. it's your news.

Mintyy Tue 30-Apr-13 18:02:48

Send a text to all family saying "please don't announce our birth on facebook, thank you."

craftycottontail Tue 30-Apr-13 18:03:16

That's awful behaviour from your Dsis, I'd be livid! Unless anything goes wrong and we end up in hospital for days, we're not phoning anyone til we get home. Figured if all goes well we'll be out within hours/next morning, and DH sweetly referred to it as the time for us to transition from a couple to a triple (it's our first).

Do what feels comfortable for you as a family though, don't worry about what people getting offended. I think it's odd that family/friends seem to feel they have a prior claim to seeing the baby etc when actually the mum is going through quite a lot too!

littlemonkey2013 Tue 30-Apr-13 18:05:28

i would just tell sister and parents not to put anything on facebook

roofio87 Tue 30-Apr-13 18:10:00

my sister has had 2 dcs and I've been very careful not to mention anything until she has. I wouldn't anyway but she always mentions it or ends text with "no Facebook!!" have a word with them about how important it is to you that they don't say anything!!

2Labradors Tue 30-Apr-13 18:10:35

I've noticed friends of friends doing this on Facebook. It was like a competition, who could announce it first.

I thought about announcing that I'm pregnant on fb after the 12 week scan (fb wasn't around when I had my first 2) but as it creeps nearer, I'm 9 weeks, I don't think that I will. There's something special about telling people face to face.

A friend had her baby a few months ago, she was having a caesarean but had given people who asked a different date. So, about 4 days before the day she was supposedly due to go in, there was a picture posted by her with a lovely announcement.

Beamae Tue 30-Apr-13 18:11:31

After witnessing the horrendous live Facebook birth my SIL had with all kinds of updates, including the ever increasing measurements of her cervix, we decided that no information would be handed out during the birth by my husband. Close family would be told that I was in labour but were pre warned that there would be no further updates until the girls were born. They were also told that under no circumstances should anything at all be posted by them on Facebook until we had announced it ourselves. My husband's family need to be managed more than most when it comes to Facebook. They literally put any old thing that pops into their heads on there. No sieves.

ReikiMummy Tue 30-Apr-13 18:21:10

As above, ask close friends/family not to announce it... however, as a back up option put a post on goode olde FB now saying

"Please ignore any posts that are not posted by anyone other than myself regarding any news of new arrival as complete fiction"


ReikiMummy Tue 30-Apr-13 18:21:45

Or something along those lines... my brains fried from lack of sleep these past two nights!!!

DancingLola Tue 30-Apr-13 18:29:38

I've been thinking about this recently (am 40 weeks today!) as I want to let family & close friends know first before it goes on FB. We will ask those we speak to/text to not put anything on FB until one of us does, but as an extra precaution I was going to temporarily change my privacy settings so no-one can tag me in a status or post on my wall.

Dh2812 Tue 30-Apr-13 18:34:55

I have a friend who announced one of our friends birth and then the babies name on facebook before mum had had a chance to! Disgraceful! It sounds like you're going to have to manage your family carefully. I would be tempted to not tell anyone until you have given birth.

NumberTwoDue Tue 30-Apr-13 18:46:26

It's awful that she doesn't see how inappropriate that is. We had a similar problem with DP's awful sister when he told her we were expecting this next one (she decided to ring any family members she could think of that we wouldn't have told yet, starting each conversation with "I have some good news" - err no you don't, I don't recollect it having anything to do with you, you vacuous no-life cretin.... Sorry - as you can see I have issues with this) ANYWAY, DP read her the riot act about muscling in on our news and also explained to all the family how upset and disappointed we were not to have been able to tell them ourselves. Each and every one said, "we all know what she's like" and that they understood. My convoluted point is that if you explain the previous situation to your parents, perhaps you can update them without them passing it on to your sister? Perhaps they'd understand. Or if you think your sister will respond to a "no FB" text, do that - definitely easier. I just know from DP's sister that this would have little impact on her non-existent brain. (Sorry, she's really p'ed me off!)

sjclarke86 Tue 30-Apr-13 19:08:39

I would make sure you ask them not to in advance. My sister saw our other sister and mum doing labour updates and got her DH to text and ask them to stop. I'm pretty sure there is still resentment there over that, better coming from you x

elliejjtiny Tue 30-Apr-13 19:24:09

Thankyou, I was expecting several replies saying I was over reacting and being a princess grin.

My mum and dad would definately tell my sister, even if I asked them not to. Beamae the live facebook birth sounds cringeworthy but hilarious. I would hate to do that but DH seems to enjoy sharing these things so I let him tell his parents and brother and tell them beforehand not to tell anyone else, which they are very good about. Although there was an incident last year when I had a late AF due to stress and DH was convinced it was an ectopic pregnancy. I told him that if he phoned his brother about it one more time I would take a photo of his balls post vasectomy and email it to everyone on my contact list!

I posted a pregnancy announcement on facebook at 28 weeks which is when I felt ready to tell people. I really hate it when birth announcements come from other people, IMO it's the new parents job to do that unless they would rather not. At least I don't have to worry about the inlaws telling anyone. They don't do facebook and with DS1, DS2 and DS3 to look after they will be too busy to tell anyone else. I'm hoping for a quick discharge so if that happens I'll wait until we get home before telling my mum and dad. Because this baby is my 4th (and last) then my urge to do everything my way is stronger than usual.

Shylepite Tue 30-Apr-13 22:40:53

I would be fuming! We didn't tell anyone I had gone into labour as I hated the idea of people discussing my progress and worrying about lack of news etc. I needed to just get on with it in private without worrying about what other people were thinking. The first anyone knew of it was when dh called to tell them the baby was here.

HazleNutt Wed 01-May-13 08:11:02

We're simply not telling anybody before the baby is here. I haven't made any pregnancy announcements on FB either (32 weeks). Close friends know, the rest will know when the baby is here.

honey86 Wed 01-May-13 09:36:46

this is what im worried about.... my sil did it last time, along with dob time weight and picture. still stewing about that now... x

soupmaker Wed 01-May-13 09:40:32

This is one of my pet hates. I have put nothing on FB about my pregnancy and if anyone dates put anything up when DC2 arrives there will be trouble.

I've had 2 MC since having DD and I have always been sensitive to the way in which some people post scan pictures and the like with gay abandon, make very early announcements and provide a running commentary of their pregnancy in public.

OP you are so right to be sensitive towards your friend.

Good luck.

Beamae Wed 01-May-13 11:42:04

Cringeworthy definitely sums it up, ellie. It did descend into farce, especially when my MIL posted that SIL's cervix was 1m wide.

What doesn't sit particularly well with me is that pregnancy seems to make a lot of people think that publicly discussing or asking questions about quite intimate parts or functions of your body is completely okay. I'm still in shock at my FIL openly discussing the effectiveness of my lactating breasts as if I wasn't even there. As for someone potentially facebooking about my vagina, well, I just can't get my head around that.

I would very much like you to use your husbands testicles as a Facebook test case! grin

NatashaBee Wed 01-May-13 12:00:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BraveLilBear Wed 01-May-13 12:40:31

I don't think you're being pretentious at all - I was exactly the same when we found out we were pregnant. I may be a sociable type, but I am very private. I had to tell my immediate family earlier than I'd wanted because I landed in hospital, but made them all promise not to tell anyone else or put anything on Facebook until I said it was ok to do so.

They all behaved so well that it turned out one sister hadn't even told her boyfriend (who she lives with)! I thought it would be difficult to rein them in, especially my dad, who's not the most discreet, but we explained our reasons and it was fine.

We'll be planning to do the same for the birth, I think...

MyNameIsAnAnagram Wed 01-May-13 12:52:34

I can totally sympathise. A family member publicly announced my first pregnancy and the first I knew of it was getting in to work to an email from one of my best friends, who obv I'd wanted to tell in person. I was not impressed.

The only people who will know when we go to hosp are our parents, and the person who will be looking after ds. And i trust them not to say anything.

elliejjtiny Wed 01-May-13 14:25:20

Thanks everyone. I'm not going to tell my mum and dad until I'm home. My fanjo, my decision [standing firm emoticon]. Totally agree about the intimate detail sharing. I remember going to a NYE party and some people were telling everyone about someone's pre-eclampsia symptoms in great detail. When I got pregnant I was determined that nobody would be discussing my wee at parties. We have a rule in our house "my body, our baby" so DH can discuss our baby's weight, heartbeat, scan photos to his hearts content but my blood pressure, wee samples and cervix etc is my territory and will not be discussed without my permission.

I'm crossing my legs at the thought of the metre wide cervix! I've had 2 mc too and I've always been really careful about pregnancy and birth announcements. I have an album up with scan photos but that's it. I only did that to get any stupid comments about DC4's cleft lip out of the way, although in the end we didn't get any, just the usual about how I must be hoping for "a princess" this time.

I'll email my friend, then phone my mum, dad and sister. Then I'll send one of those group private messages on facebook to other family members before posting an announcement and photo on my facebook wall.

BraveLilBear Wed 01-May-13 14:31:56

Sounds like a plan ellie - I really hope it goes well for you. Also love the idea of 'my body, our baby' - I'm fortunate that DP is discreet about pretty much everything <read very private> but think it's a good idea to lay that out before the birth as I really don't want the world and his dog/cat/hamster knowing about stitches/forceps/epidurals/pooing in labour etc

All the very best with it and DC4!

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