Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
Feeling guilty on dd1 at 36weeks(5 Posts)
So I'm 36+1 with my second child, a boy this time. Scheduled for c-section on 17th may (dead on 39 weeks) so only 20 more days to go thank god!!!
Anyway dd1 is 21 months (just) and me and her have always spent all our time together, but as I am feeling at the minute I'm struggling to keep up and feel so bad on 1, what she's missing out on (eg we went to the local play area place a week last Sunday and I just can't manage to crawl and carry and bend and squat etc so I said that would have to be the last time)
2, the fact I'm clock watching for nap and bedtime, it's not that I want her to go away, it's that tired, my back is killing and sitting in the floor playing Lego or whatever is not helping.
I think the prob is that we are usually so active, and still are to some extent but its killing me to do all our usual stuff.
Dd does not sit infront of the telly ever, we do read books together for an hour but it is a max of an hour activity and one I am appreciative of!
We generally do an activity every day, baby ballet, tumbletots, swimming etc or will go visit family on a Sunday and we usually go outdoors once a day too, the park, local farm kids place, or just walking around the shops (dd does not go in a pram though, she walks or gets carried, prior to being a whale, sorry I mine pregnant that was what worked for us, I'm a very active person and want her to be.
My prob is that I'm feeling guilty, running out of more sedentary activities for us to do and she's getting bored!!
How are other ppl coping with feeling guilty on their first kids?
I should mention dd does not go to nursery or anything, we are literally together 24 hours a day and she is very attached, dh works away so we do everything together, she really won't go to anyone else, even dh and her grandma etc she cries if mummy goes away.
This is also really stressing me out as obviously with the section she will be staying with dh and grandma for 3 days 2 nights without me. She has never done this before, don't think she's ever been put to bed by anyone else before!
Ahhh Mummy my DD is 4 and I've been feeling very guilty about how tired I feel. Am 39 weeks on Wednesday with DD2. My DD is at nursery/Pre school too- I still feel bad. I would say its such a short time in their lives - and we all know how quickly babies become toddlers. I compensate by giving DD lots of cuddles and trying to enjoy what time I do have with her. I don't know what else to say except please don't beat yourself up!!
Okay. First, don't worry too much about not being so active now. It really doesn't matter if you end up doing sedentary activities for a few weeks. I too am madly active and hate staying in the house but at some point you have to slow down. It will annoy you, but your DD won't suffer from a looser schedule for a while. She might even discover some new activities at home that she enjoys as a result - my DS got really into Lego when I was heavily pregnant. We never had time to do it much before this.
Second, don't worry too much about how your DD will cope with the baby. My DS1 (2.7 yrs) is incredibly attached to me but after an initial week of confusion, has become extremely attached to his new brother (now six weeks old) too. He hates when I let other people hold the baby as it is "our" baby and he now talks about our family as including the baby. He has not used a pushchair since he turned one but he likes to help me push the buggy. So it may be fine.
The bit that maybe you could work on is getting her used to your mum and DH before she stays with them while you're in hospital. (Although I was only in hospital for 24 hours after my recent section.)
Your DD will survive but you could do without feeling stressed about her when having your new baby.
Could your mum come over and try putting her to bed over the next few weeks? Or could you get your DH to settle her? My DS took a long time to settle with anyone but me but my mum came to stay for a week before my second birth so he could get used to her being here all the time. She also developed her own little routines that worked with DS at night so she felt (and I felt) confident that DS would be okay with her.
Ditto with DH a while ago. When DS only wanted me at night, we found a little routine that DH and DS could do (reciting the Gruffalo after lights out) and I would put DS to bed while priming him that dad would be along to do The Gruffalo. Then one night, DH did the stories because mummy was on the toilet (cue much laughter at that thought) and so on...
I know it's harder than it sounds though...
I think the advice to get your mum to come over would make you both feel less concerned, as does the toilet excuse. I was lucky in that my mum had regularly put ds to bed, as with dd I was in hospital for 4 weeks before the birth. My mum took over looking after ds, although we did keep him full time in nursery while I was in.
As far as being active, do you have a friend with slightly older children who could come over so they can play together in the garden? this would get your daughter moving while you sit and watch her.
My DS is 2y 5 mo and I'm 36+2 with PGP so have been very limited when it comes to activities.
Things I have found to do:
Role play games (often involving ikea road mat/rug)
Play doh creations
Long 'play' baths
Crafts like basket making and card making
Dancing/ drumming to music.
Singing nursery rhymes with actions
Housework (he loves 'helping' to polish and vacuum!)
Looking at nature in the garden
As for bedtime. DH puts DS to bed about 50% of the time now. We started doing the routine together then moved on to me leaving the room once he was in PJs then got to the point where DS would happily go off to bed with DH without me. I'd suggest introducing DH as part of the routine at the very least. You're going to find it difficult to continue the same routine on your own with a newborn anyway.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.