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Losing the will to live at 39 weeks

(25 Posts)
smeeeheee Sat 27-Apr-13 01:12:48

(sorry it's REALLY long) Have just reached 39 weeks and have had really bad backache all night/morning, it got progressively worse. Then at lunchtime, went to the toilet and noticed A LOT of discharge. Phoned my midwife who told me it sounded like a show, take cocodomol and go into triage and assessment if it got worse. 3 hours later I went for a walk with my mum to see if I could ease it off a bit. By the time I'd got about 2 or 3 hundred yards, I could barely walk. She drove me into triage (DH was working) they took a sample and I went into the assessment room. I was nearly crying with the pain by then. Anyway, a midwife storms in, and starts giving me this lecture about how I should have phoned first, and how they would never have admitted me for "just niggling back pain" (NIGGLES???!!), and how I was "wasting her time". Apparently I was "lucky it was quiet" today. She didn't even ask me how I was, or introduce herself or ask me anything about the pain. I tried to explain that I had called my midwife, that I had a history of really serious surgery on my back, and that I'd had what my midwife thought was a show. I tried to explain that the only time I'd had pain this severe in my back before was when I ruptured my disc. She just wouldn't listen, and over the 5 hours that I had to stay there asked me 3 more times if I'd had any discharge, forgot my name twice, lost both the sample and my notes and used the phrase "well, what do you want me to do???" when I told her that I'd already had cocodomol and it wasn't working (erm, figure out what's causing the pain and make it go away, ie your job??!!??). Haven't even got to the bit where, after saying I was really nervous about internal examinations, they tried to give me a speculum examination when I was sitting bolt upright (unsurprisingly, it didn't work and was pretty f**king sore, I had to ask if they would lower the back of the bed thingy cause I couldn't move to reach the button which was met with a roll of the eyes) Have never met a healthcare professional that was so rude and uncaring and made me feel so small and stupid. So anyway, after 5 hours of pointlessness am home now, in bed, can hardly move and am so frustrated and angry. Am 39 weeks, and I can't cope with this level of pain for what could be potentially another 3 weeks. Have already been in hospital for some very impressive gallstones a fortnight ago (misdiagnosed as indigestion for 3 days. I've had some difficult farts in my time, but none that made me faint or vomit blood), progressively worse migraines and now, as a final indignity, seem to have developed frankly terrifyingly huge piles. Am just soooooo very very very hacked off. My Mum (who was there) has told me to register a complaint, but given that I don't think it'll make the slightest bit of difference; plus even if it did, I wouldn't want to be the cause of someone losing their job, however angry I am.

smeeeheee Sat 27-Apr-13 01:14:08

Oh my god, this is ridiculous long and convoluted. Am very sorry for the 3 and half hours of your life you'll never get back after reading this thesis.

lexib Sat 27-Apr-13 06:22:28

That sounds beyond awful... I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I'm with your mum, putting in a complaint might help avoid someone else go through the same experience as you. Can you access better service through your doctor /midwife /even nhs direct?
I think probably she shouldn't be in a career she so evidently is so shit at. Sending you thanks

slugsonmypeasgrr Sat 27-Apr-13 08:02:27

Poor you! Nearly in tears reading your post... Definitely complain and get a GP appt ASAP for the pain, maybe the baby has changed positions which is why it's so unbearable. I don't know why some HCPs are so downright sadistic about women in/nearing labour in this country... Makes my blood boil! But if you want effective treatment I would take it out of the "labour" bracket for now, until proved otherwise! Big hugs you poor poor thing

Aoifebelle Sat 27-Apr-13 08:02:36

Smee, how horrible. You must complain. The nurse won't lose their job, but will never get better at it unless held to account. You also might want to make sure you are not attended by her during birth and the only way to do that is by making this official. What happened to you was not acceptable.

slugsonmypeasgrr Sat 27-Apr-13 08:09:52

Oh and just thought have you considered acupuncture (not sure as never used in pregnancy if ok) to relieve the pain for now? Worked on mine when in spasm before and might be quicker than GP on weekend... If u can afford it?

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 27-Apr-13 08:22:50

Complain! Contact PALS,hope you're feeling better soon, sounds like you're having a rough ride sad

Rico08 Sat 27-Apr-13 09:19:37

This is awful and I hope that the pain is easing for you and you feel better this morning.

I would complain, they are there to provide a service of care and from your post they were not at all caring.

She has probably been like this with other ladies before you and if nobody complains she will think her behaviour is acceptable and continue to be a horrible woman.

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 27-Apr-13 10:31:43

Oh and she won't lose her job

Choccybaby Sat 27-Apr-13 12:54:05

Please complain.
I work in the NHS and the minority like this give us all a bad name.

She won't loose her job, but needs extra training on communication skills at the very least.
You'll be doing everyone else she treats in the future a favour, as well as her colleagues who are probably wishing someone would complain to get the issue addressed as these sort are a nightmare to work with.

If you only saw the madwife I suggest phoning the out of hours GP service to see if the will see you and examine your back if you've had problems in the past. The MW is qualified in pregnancy related issues, not musculoskeletal ones.

smeeeheee Sun 28-Apr-13 00:12:48

Thanks everyone! Phoned NHS 24, they think it's sciatica, and said to take it easy, and go into A&E if it gets worse. They were much kinder - I don't get how kind and supportive some HCPs can be, then others (a minority) are so cruel and uncaring, as if you're causing them a massive hassle. I'm not a hypochondriac, and really don't like making a fuss unless the pain is unbearable. That's how I ended up with gallstones for a decade!!! I know the NHS is under pressure, and wouldn't abuse the system, or frivolously go into hospital unless I really thought something was very wrong... Have stopped taking the Tramadol they gave me, cause it was making me so sleepy, and seemed to be having an affect on the baby, but as long as I don't move too much, and keep a hot water bottle on it, it's not too bad now. Plus, the side effects (constipation and piles) are just too much to take!!! Poor DH had to lead me back to bed from the toilet earlier. He's a sweetie! Thanks again everyone, fingers crossed bubs will be here soon and I'm sure it'll be worth it.xxxx

HopefullA Sun 28-Apr-13 13:58:31

Oh my gosh, you poor thing,. that sounds awful and what a wagon!!
Glad you feel better..... hope hubbie is taking good care of you

IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat Sun 28-Apr-13 15:51:39

I'm with choccybaby, I work in the NHS and often have contact with scared and vulnerable patients. I wouldn't dream of taking that tone with somebody scared and in pain! If she talked to you like that when it was quiet I would hate to see her patient care during a busy shift. We can al, have bad days, but her standard of care fell way below what you shoud expect.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

smeeeheee Sun 28-Apr-13 20:28:37

Well, the plot thickens! Heard a popping sound in my lower back last night/this morning, pain has been agonising all day (my lovely MIL brought me round some crutches earlier, so at least can get to the toilet!), have got pins and needles and numbness in exactly the same place as when my disc slipped before, plus the pain is exactly the same kind, just in a very slightly different place. I think the disc has gone again (or maybe the one below?). Feel like such a drama queen having everyone bring me cups of tea and toast all day, but genuinely can't move anymore. Last time this happened, it took me 6 months to be able to walk down to the shops again. See if the disc has gone again, and that horrible, awful woman sent me home feeling horrendously guilty cause I had bothered her with my "niggling" back pain, I'll go effing bananas!!!! I sound like the moaniest person in the world, but honestly, am not normally so angry/whiny/grumpy, but am just sooo fed up and pissed off. All I need now is for the gallstones to start going mental again. If I was a racehorse, someone would have shot me and turned me into glue or lasagne by now...

slugsonmypeasgrr Mon 29-Apr-13 11:38:13

Oh no! I really hope you're ok... Do you perhaps want to speak to mw and revisit birth plan? Make sure this is all in your notes anyway. I can't imagine giving birth with a slipped disc and sending you lots of luck and strength for the data ahead.

slugsonmypeasgrr Mon 29-Apr-13 11:38:38

Days not data! Stupid phone!

DizzyDizzy Mon 29-Apr-13 12:18:45

Good God! I'm so impressed with your clear head... I think I would have smacked the woman in the face! That is if my partner hadn't already. One midwife at our doctor's surgery was rude once (not massively, she was clearly just rushed off her feet, and didn't have time to discuss something lengthy with me), and my partner is STILL holding the grudge now! You should definetly put a complaint in though. If anything, just so that it doesn't happen again. You might feel that it's not a big deal now, but if it had been another woman, that may have taken it more personally, and doesn't have the same support at home, if could end up triggering a much bigger problem. She's VERY unlikely to lose her job, unless she has had a reel of previous complaints, which if she has, she deserves to be disciplined appropriately. Hope everything goes well for the rest of your pregnancy xxxx

TinkyPeet Mon 29-Apr-13 12:26:44

Oh dear! What a complete bitch she sounds! Perhaps when you go in again tell them you do not want her treating you and explain why, you are well within your rights to receiver decent treatment from a kind hcp! I hope your buns comes quickly and your back feels better soon xx

TinkyPeet Mon 29-Apr-13 12:34:22

Lol stupid phone. *recieve and *bubs...... Although buns are nice too. Especially greggs chocolate muffins. Om!

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 29-Apr-13 12:40:56

You need to speak to,your mw or your back consultant and make a plan for labour. Like slug said, I can't imagine giving birth with a slipped disc.

When I was in hospital with pneumonia with this pg, I had gynae, respiratory and general medicine involved with my care. Sounds like you need expertise from your musculoskeletal consultant together with midwifery/obstetrician.

I can imagine you're not up to it right now but then your DH needs to be your advocate.

Hope you get it all sorted.

seriouscakeeater Mon 29-Apr-13 16:18:33

sad how utterly awful!

You must report this terrible behaviour, its one of the things that is wanting me to have a home birth!

You need to get hold of MD and asses you birth plan for your back. flowers

good luck!

smeeeheee Wed 01-May-13 00:10:02

Sorry for bothering everyone again! Had 39 week ante natal appoitnment today - community midwife basically said she was appalled and told me that if I didn't put in a complaint, she would. Also saw the notes that the horrible hospital midwife wrote up, and a fairly substantial proportion isn't true!!! Not even just open to interpretation, actually untrue! (e.g. patient isn't in distress, has no problems sitting or walking - blatantly untrue). She tried to do a sweep, was lovely about it, really gentle and supportive. Couldn't do it though sad. I spoke to the GP as well, and basically said that the disc had slipped again. She agreed, but said there's no way to confirm until they can do an MRI scan after the baby's born. Told comm. midwife and she's going to email the obstetrician tomorrow to ask if we can discuss "delivery options". The thing I don't understand is a) she's doing a home visit to do a sweep next week, and b) can I ask for an elective cesarean. It's just even I go into labour soon, it's going to be hellish - I can't move at all, I'll be on my back the whole time (can't even squat or kneel just now, let alone in labour), and this is NOT going to get better before the baby comes. So I don't understand what the sweep's for? I know I should have asked these things at the appointment, but was so sore, and pleased that someone was listening to me, I was a bit overwhelmed.

mrssprout Wed 01-May-13 00:24:12

Can't give advice about delivery options but had to comment. The way you were initially treated was terrible & there is absolutely no doubt that you should complain. You should never have been treated so badly & as for the incorrect notes......unforgivable ! I really hope you can get something sorted to minimise pain & get baby delivered without doing any more damage to your poor back.

TinkyPeet Wed 01-May-13 08:01:19

You could phone your midwife and ask if elcs is an option? Xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 01-May-13 08:22:01

Def phone the midwife to ask about elcs. Without wanting to worry you, you could go into labour quite soon. I would phone the supervisor of midwives and explain the whole thing, they should be able to deal with your complaint ( and you really should complain) and the elcs. You need to just say what you want. You need the baby out so you can start to treat your back.

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