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How to tell your Dad

(18 Posts)
AbiElizabeth Tue 23-Apr-13 12:10:42

My mum died when I was 16 so it's just my dad and my step mum around now. I am petrified of telling my father that I am pregnant because it will mean I have to defer my Uni course for a year and I only had one year to do. I know he wont be happy about it however I tell him but I was just wondering if any of you guys had any helpful hints on how to soften the blow.

BabyHMummy Tue 23-Apr-13 12:19:52

There isn't an easy way hun. If you are planning to just defer uni then show him that you have a plan to do that. He may surprise you. Just be honest and upfront.

I just said to mine "how do you fancy being a granddad"

ValenciaOrange Tue 23-Apr-13 12:24:48

Hi Abi, First of all I'm sorry about your mum.
I have uni age children. I think if I could see they had a plan I would feel more reassured they were ready to become a mum themselves.So if my daughter was saying I've talked to my tutor, and we've agreed X,Y and Z, I would be happier than if her answers were just I don't know and I suppose I'll have to see. Good luck x

SeriousStuff Tue 23-Apr-13 12:27:56

Agree with BabyH - if you have a plan in place so you can show you've thought it all through, it will definitely help. If he also sees that you have taken his feelings into consideration in all this, it's preferable to going in guns blazing, telling him what you're doing regardless of how he feels.

Be prepared for him to be quite shocked to begin with - I'm in my 30s, married and have an established career and it still took my parents aback a bit!

He will get used to it and will probably end up relishing the idea of being a grandfather.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

AbiElizabeth Tue 23-Apr-13 12:32:57

Hi guys, thanks for your replies smile
I am currently trying to get in touch with uni people to find out how to defer a year. It's very frustrating because my Uni would have better organisation if it was run by blind one armed gorillas!
I am in a committed relationship, we've been engaged a year and i'm 23 so it isnt too bad a situation. Hopefully Uni will sort themselves out and give me answers.
I just really hope he isn't too upset.

BabyHMummy Tue 23-Apr-13 12:35:01

Haha sounds like my uni was!!

Are you already at uni or just starting in Sept? If already there get hold of your personal tutor. If not then speak to the admissions team as they should be able to help

laurajane89 Tue 23-Apr-13 12:39:35

Im 23 and been with my partner for 8yrs and also engaged and when i told my parents my dad was shocked/suprised and didnt really know what to say but after a few days he came round to the idea and now he is soo excited to be a grandad im due in 4weeks smile x

MrsCosmopilite Tue 23-Apr-13 12:41:35

I deferred for a year when I was pregnant with DD.

Agreed 'suspending' with my head of year, and made sure we were up to date with coursework, etc.

I attended lectures for as long as I could, kept an eye on the Uni website course materials posted, and made sure I had a childcare strategy in place for the days I'd be in.

Congratulations, by the way smile

Lurkymclurker Tue 23-Apr-13 12:52:54

Just a note on deffering, you can also transfer so if your Uni is not where you will be having baby you can move your course to a closer Uni providing they have provision etc.

I agree with the others, I would possibly go as far as to say explain you are deffering. That you will be doing x y z because you are having a baby (rather than baby first)

But you know your dad best so good luck smile

AbiElizabeth Tue 23-Apr-13 13:20:33

I'm currently at uni, just finished my second year, was about to start my final year in september. I've spoken to my uni tutor and she has sorted out deferring for me, she filled in the forms and everything. I can decide to not defer if I want, but it's nice knowing that it is sorted now.
I have no idea where I am going to get money to survive on from though now I wont have a student loan.

babyradio Tue 23-Apr-13 19:45:49

If you've deferred I'm fairly sure you can apply for benefits as you would if you weren't employed or in education. The job centre will be able to advise you or your local council. Being on benefits is not ideal but they are there to help.

Best of luck, I agree with other posters about having a plan in place when you tell your dad, even if he reacts badly initially the chances are he will come around. I'm 25 and in nowhere near as long-term a relationship as you are, we're doing ok and while my mum didn't react that well she is completely on board now, I'm 34 weeks.

Plenty of people take gap years before going to uni so why not during if circumstances call for it? Deferring is NOT dropping out, so make sure he understands that.

BabyHMummy Tue 23-Apr-13 20:01:01

Abi well done for sorting it with uni. I am sure once the initial shock wears off and he sees how sensible you are being about sorting it out so you can still complete your degree he will be proud of you.

Maybe write everything you want to say to him inc your uni plan so that if he does flip his lid he can read it once he has calmed down.

I switched courses halfway thru my degree and was bricking it when it came to telling my folks! I went and got ny ears pierced again as i figured that they would be flipping out about that ao wouldn't notice the "Ohhh i have dropped off my teaching degree and just doing English now"

AbiElizabeth Fri 26-Apr-13 08:55:21

I managed to tell him 2 days ago. I ended up chickening out and sending him the news in a facebook message. He isn't angry or anything, but we went to see him yesterday to have a proper conversation and he is just worried how we will cope. It didn't go as bad as I thought. Got to travel my OH parents place to have a proper conversation with them. It's scary as I haven't met his mum before because they live a 3 hour drive away.
Thanks for your advice though guys :D

SeriousStuff Fri 26-Apr-13 08:58:29

Glad it went well!

babyradio Fri 26-Apr-13 10:16:58

That's exactly how my mum reacted, not angry, but sad that what she wanted for me would now be different and I think sad that her grandchild wasn't arriving under the circumstances she had probably been hoping for since I was born. I never realised before properly how many dreams our parents have which involve us without us being aware of them.

His reaction sounds good generally, he will soon be used to the idea, you and your OH love each other and you have a plan, it's more than a lot of people have as a foundation!

Good luck with the OH parents too smile

BabyHMummy Fri 26-Apr-13 10:34:12

Abi that is brilliant and am.sure you oh parents will be fine hun.

Life has a way of making things happen when they need to...

AbiElizabeth Fri 26-Apr-13 15:32:40

I am so relieved I have told him now. Feel like a massive weight has been lifted because I know he isn't going to disown me or anything haha grin

I am properly nervous about meeting OH's mum for the first time. Least she can't really be too mean to me, I am giving ger a grandchild after all grin

BabyHMummy Fri 26-Apr-13 16:58:42

Don't worry too much!! You love her son and she raised him so she can't be too bad!

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