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Not stopped crying about weight after booking appointment

(42 Posts)
RJM17 Mon 22-Apr-13 21:58:00

Hi
I am a little stressed about my weight after my booking appointment. I knew I was over weight and had been going to slimming world before I fell pregnant.
They weighed me and I weighed 12 stone 5lbs which at 5ft 2in gave me a BMI of 33!!!
The midwife (who was a lot bigger than me) made me feel really bad telling me I was putting extra strain on the baby and that I wouldn't be able to have an epidural and may struggle through the pregnancy.
I know I am over weight but I am a size 16-18 which isn't massive. I know its not great for my height but I don't think I am crazily big!!
I just wondered if anyone else had been this size at beginning of pregnancy and how they had gotten on as I am really scared that my baby is going to be unhealthy because of me!!

RJM17 Mon 22-Apr-13 22:05:55

Also should have said this is my first baby so it is making me more worried because I have had 2 mc's before and I am now convinced it was due to my weight. sad

larlemucker Mon 22-Apr-13 22:12:28

I had a BMI over the NHS upper limit too.
Had a perfectly fine pregnancy, had to be tested for gestational diabetes but didn't have it.
Had an epidural during labour.
DS is now nearly 4 months and fine (I don't think his inability to sleep longer than 2 hours has anything to do with my pre-pregnancy weight!)
The main thing with me was that I wasn't allowed to give birth in the maternity lead ward in the local hospital.

I'm sure you will be fine. Main thing us to eat healthily and try not to but too much weight on (I put on 1.5 stone)

Oh and congratulations!!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 22-Apr-13 22:13:44

Ok firstly your BMI is 31.5, not 33. Not a vast difference but don't stress more than you need to.

I was overweight in both my pregnancies and my babies were both 100% healthy. I tried not to go overboard with eating, and each time I only gained about a stone.

My youngest is just 2, and I now weigh a stone less than I did when I got pregnant with my eldest.

Try not to worry smile And yes you will be able to have an epidural, that is a load of bollocks.

Runswithsquirrels Mon 22-Apr-13 22:15:04

Oh my gosh, how mean of her! A BMI of 33 is over, true, but not hideous! I'm sure the next midwife you get will be much nicer. Try not to worry and just stay healthy for you and your baby!

RJM17 Mon 22-Apr-13 22:16:27

Thanx. I came out in such a state!! She just sat there and basically called me fat and told me I couldn't have anything I wanted in the birth and that my baby was going to be ill because of my weight and said I need to try and lose weight and not put any more on during the pregnancy as it will make everything even worse. And when I tried to ask questions about pain relief etc she just kept saying once you have lost weight we will discuss that!!
I mean I'm not saying I'm not overweight I clearly am but I wouldn't say I was dangerously overweight or the biggest mum to be there. But I came out feeling like a terrible person and that I was causing my baby harm and being a bad mum already!! X

LadyKinbote Mon 22-Apr-13 22:17:53

I had a BMI around that and nobody batted an eyelid, I gave birth in a maternity unit etc. Not once did anyone mention my weight. They probably should have (!) but it just goes to show that it varies depending on the midwife and where you live. Don't feel bad. Do your best to keep your weight down but as you will soon discover motherhood means feeling guilty over everything! Sorry to hear about the MC. I'm no expert but I don't think weight is a likely factor.

SilverSky Mon 22-Apr-13 22:18:13

Horrid MW. You can still do SW throughout your pregnancy. There are extra HE you can have during and also whilst you bf.

BabyHMummy Mon 22-Apr-13 22:19:28

Rjm your mw is a vile bitch!!!!!! I am same height as you and at booking in appt was 12st 9 with bmi of 32 so firstly she has muffed up the calculation cos you are lighter than i was!!! I am also a 16-18 depending on shop and was doing slimming world before pg. I have never been pg so can't begin to imagine how ot feel in regards to mc but please don't let yourself believe it os related cos quite frankly its bollox.

Mc is an awful thing to go thru and having seen ur previous posts know how scared u were last week so please try not to upset yourself. From what i understand of causes of Mc (which i admit is limited) there is a strong school of thought that suggesta that there is an issue with he foetus and the body just knows it won't be a viable baby

I am 23 weeks now and 13st 9 in part cos i have developed pgp so can't be as active as normal. No one has commented that am too big or fat etc or that it poses any road to baby unless i develop gestational diabetes so please ignore the witch!!!

Sending huge hugs Xxx

RJM17 Mon 22-Apr-13 22:36:24

Thank u so much!! I thought she hd my bmi wrong but I didn't even question it because I was in such a state when I left! The fact that it took them 50 mins to get my blood out as well didn't help because they kept using veins I told them wouldn't work!! Basically the entire appointment was a nightmare from beginning to end!!

And yes this hasn't been the easiest if times for me so this just made it so much worse as I was pretty low when I went in there and was hoping to get some reassurance from the midwife but instead was made to feel worse.

Thank u all for ur support and advice though I really needed it and it had made me feel a bit better about things xx

babyradio Mon 22-Apr-13 22:54:29

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy!

BMI is at best a guideline. Basically it is used so widely because it is quick and easy. I'm only 5ft and my BMI is generally about 25/26, I'm a size 8-10 (when I'm not 34 weeks pregnant!). I battled and battled in my late teens to achieve a BMI of 18-20. I looked bloody awful and was far FAR more unhealthy then than I am now, in this life there's room for fish finger sandwiches and cakes as well as healthy food!

Please don't put too much emphasis on your BMI, it is honestly not the be-all and end-all.

There is a difference between being overweight and being unhealthy. One does not automatically mean the other, as any medical professional should well know. You were doing something about it, and as far as I know Slimming World is fine to continue during pregnancy as long as they know you're pregnant.

I hope you feel better and if you're uncomfortable with this midwife you can change to a different one, her job is not to make you feel like shit, her job is to support you.

craftycottontail Mon 22-Apr-13 23:11:37

OP I have similar height/weight stats to you. I'm 36 weeks tomorrow and so far (!) everything has gone perfectly, even my gestational diabetes results which both midwife and doctor excaimed at and said were utterly perfect. The only problem I've had is slight PGP mainly at night, and don't think that has much to do with weight.

Sounds like a horrid appointment, I'd definitely question her calcs at your next appointment and don't put up with any more rubbish, ask to change midwives!

RJM17 Mon 22-Apr-13 23:33:24

Thank you. From what she said I won't see her again as she just covers the booking in clinic and I am seeing the consultant at my next appointment anyway due to suffering from hemiplegia so she wants to monitor that whilst I'm pregnant.
I'm hoping I never see her again and if she is there when I have the baby I will definitely be asking for someone else. Xx

TinkyPeet Mon 22-Apr-13 23:44:33

She sounds vile! Hun at my booking in my bmi was 37. I'm not particularly huge, like you I'm a 16-18 just a bit taller, and have always been heavy set, even when I was a size 8-10 I think I weighed 11/12 stone. I haven't been told there's anything I can't have/ won't be able to do during labour.
Don't get upset about it just concentrate on keeping yourself and baby calm and happy xx

BeCool Mon 22-Apr-13 23:45:02

I had similar BMI through 2 pg's and no one once said anything about it at all. I was also 40 and 43 years old. Slight issue made of age at 43 .

I'm sorry you are feeling bad. Eat healthy, find all the ways you can love and support yourself and your baby through this PG physically and emotionally. Be kind. Find ways to relax and feel good. Banish negative thoughts. Be well hydrated.

Do you swim? With pg1 I swam a lot and it made me feel fit and strong. Really lovely in last stages too. I think the lifeguards thought the baby might be burn there smile
Congratulations smile

BeCool Mon 22-Apr-13 23:49:12

Oh and both babies were healthy and fine. One in birth centre and one on delivery suite - due to age I was monitored.

I agree your mw was a nasty cow and you were unlucky to get her.

doublecakeplease Mon 22-Apr-13 23:53:01

I had similar BMI and it was brought up constantly. I was sent to a weight management meeting which was run by a lady who was at least 3 dress sizes bigger than me where i was given an advice sheet and told not to put on another ounce.
My first scan had me in tears because the sonographer told me that her wrist was killing because i was the 4th big lady (size 14 to 16) in a row and that she had to press harder on us!!
My friend had a baby in another health care trust at the same time. She's quite a bit bigger than me but her size was never mentioned.
I guess you just need to grow a thick skin. I, like you, knew i was too big but couldn't magic off the weight and hated having my nose rubbed in it

pickledginger Tue 23-Apr-13 00:03:29

You poor thing. You've had some good advice here. ArseMidwife isn't worth any more tears.

GlitterySkulls Tue 23-Apr-13 01:28:10

i've been a couple of stone bigger than you in all my pregnancies (this is my 4th, including my mc ) and my weight's never been mentioned once.

as others have said, ignore the daft mw- what exactly are you meant to do, wave a magic wand?

i have my booking in appt on wednesday, wonder if i'll get a lecture too. grin

peanutMD Tue 23-Apr-13 07:35:42

i went into my booking appointment a nervous wreck abut my weight, turned out at 5ft 3ins and 17st 9lbs which gave me a BMI of 43 so you don't gave a patch on me!!

My midwife was lively only gave the cursory speech about weight, eating healthily and explained about the glucose test.

Nothing more was ever really said about it.

in the end i put on 1lb during the pregnancy and now my DD is 7 weeks old, i am 15st 9lbs and have done very little to achieve this grin

Anyway my point is get yourself another midwife and if you have issues with your weight try to cut out a little here and there and you'll be fine smile

RJM17 Tue 23-Apr-13 09:24:19

Thank u everyone. Feel a lot better about everything now and not as scared! Guess I just got a bad midwife.
I'm not going to let it get to me anymore I'm just going to focus on my baby and getting it here safe and healthy xx

VisualiseAHorse Tue 23-Apr-13 09:37:33

Congratulations!!

If you have to see the same MW everytime and you really don't like her, you can ask for another one - don't worry, women change their midwives all the time.

Try to figure out some good snacking now for the next few months - hummus and veg sticks are good, as things like dried fruit and nuts.

featherbag Tue 23-Apr-13 09:44:33

What a horrible bitch, do fat people not deserve pain relief then?! I'd be having words with the supervisor of midwives, she can't be allowed to speak to people like that, who knows what damage she could cause?!

Startail Tue 23-Apr-13 09:49:38

She's a cow!

DF is a size 18 and 5' 0", I'm sure the graph has a fit at her BMI
(It's totally crap being short, even at 5'4" and a size 16 it moans at me).

Anyhow, DF had a beautiful healthy son a week before her 43 birthday.

Good luck with your PG and please please don't let them upset you.

Snide comments about her weight stopped my DM getting the help she should have for her knees and it's caused her now to be permanently disabled, so HCP being thoughtless about this makes me very angry indeed.

VisualiseAHorse Tue 23-Apr-13 09:52:18

Forgot to add....eat as much cake/sweets/chocolate as you like as well - it's just nice to have some 'healthy' snacks on hand for when you want a nice change!

I gained 3 stone during pregnancy, and still have another stone to lose (baby turned one yesterday!) to get back to pre-preg weight.

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