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Panic at the MW appt today :(

(27 Posts)
YummyMummy17 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:01:56

Need to off load!!

Had my first midwife appt today! I'm 11+1 and very excited, this is my second child and I'm over the moon I couldn't wait to attend the midwife today and start my process off. Until to my despair, we walked in to the room and a trainee nurse was there, not only that, but I know her very well, from school, we were never best friends but we are Facebook friends so counts as something!

This for me is a nightmare none of my family and friends really know yet (keeping quiet until after our scan etc and I panicked, the moment I seen her. We exchanged hello's and the midwife said "oh you know each other? Excellent, then you don't mind her sitting in as she is training?"

Em.... I blurted out not sounding so compassionate "no! I'm not very comfortable due to us knowing each other" the MW and trainee looked baffled! But obviously accepted my wishes.

This is my first appt, going over all medical history between myself and my partners previous operations etc, so personal. I feel so bad as I know trainees need to learn but I am also worried that she may tell someone, scared that now I have to rush to tell people. I know there is patient confidentiality and I know she's a nice person if she happens to tell her husband and her husband somehow blurts it out I'm so worried!!

I also felt that the midwife should have asked before we were in front of each other, but not sure if this is routine.

Stress! Just needed to let it off my chest smile and breathe....

onceipopicantstop Wed 17-Apr-13 19:09:15

If it was obvious you knew her I would have expected the MW to assume you wouldn't want her sat in! I don't think you should feel bad at all - of course you don't want a friend hearing all your personal details! I'm sure when she thinks about it later she'll realise how awkward it would have been. And she absolutely should not be mentioning anything to her husband - I expect confidentiality will have been drilled into her as part of training!

Congratulations by the way! smile

RJM17 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:09:56

They should have mentioned when u arrived that there were trainees there and they may be sitting in. I am sure of this as our hospital always tells u before u go in.
I can fully understand tho I wouldn't want someone I know being there whilst I went thru my personal history and not because we have anything to hide. I don't even like telling the midwife about my weight etc so wouldn't want someone I know there as well (especially as I got a telling off about my bmi).
So I really wouldn't feel bad about saying no to her being there x

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Wed 17-Apr-13 19:10:34

I've had a couple of trainees sit in/do appointments this pregnancy, but haven't been told prior to the appointment.
I think I would react the same way you did if it was someone I actually knew.

You are perfectly intitled to say you don't want a trainee to sit in.

YummyMummy17 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:18:32

Thank you for your comments!

I thought that they would usually tell you, I personally didn't have any trainees attend my previous preg but I know friends that have, obviously I can't speak to them about it just yet.

It was so overwhelming and I just panicked, I really hope she doesn't speak with anyone regarding seeing me but now I feel pushed to tell people...

DH is very much on my wave length with this but he thinks I'm being hasty to think about telling everyone just because I seen her, I'm guessing he is right, me + hormones = drama-queen haha, Just needed to offload.

Hopefully everything is ok, I will try and keep calm but I think I will mention to MW that next time could I be made aware prior to be put in front of the trainee... I find it hard to say no!

Thanks again ladies! All the best thanksthanksthanksthanks

BabyHMummy Wed 17-Apr-13 19:34:53

She would be in breech of patient confidentiality if she tell anyone so unless she wants to lose her job i doubt she will say anything but if u r that concerned maybe pm her on Facebook as u say ur friends on there and say something like "sorry about today, just felt a bit awkward. i know i don't have to say this but could you please keep my situation to yourself as we have decided not to tell anyone yet" and then you have covered all bases

lunar1 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:37:21

The midwife should have asked her to sit out once she saw you knew each other.

Laquila Thu 18-Apr-13 09:15:15

Even if they hospital had told you advance that there would be a trainee sitting in, would you have said no? (if you hadn't known who the trainee was)

I do appreciate you not wanting to have h there though, once you realised you knew her, and I'm surprised the midwife didn't pick up on that. And there should have been no need to make you feel uncomfortable about it - you're perfectly entitled to request that she leave.

And I honestly wouldn't worry about the confidentiality thing - I would think they have this drilled into them on pain of death.

Poledra Thu 18-Apr-13 09:25:40

"The midwife should have asked her to sit out once she saw you knew each other."

Well, I disagree with this, as I have a number of medical friends that I would not have been bothered about them being present. Honestly, she won't tell anyone - she risks losing her training position if she breaks your patient confidentiality! You were well within your rights to say no, I'm not happy and I'm surprised that the MW looked surprised - it's a very personal thing and there are plenty people who wouldn't even want a trainee stranger sitting in on their appointment.

You are more at risk of someone seeing you in the waiting room and grassing you up - when I went for my booking-in appt for DD2, I met another one of the nursery-school mums there and had to ask her to keep it to herself as we weren't ready to tell anyone yet grin and yes, she knew why I was there as I had that big fuck-off Bounty folder with my freshly-prepared maternity notes in it smile She was very discreet though, and kept it entirely to herself.

Alexandra6 Thu 18-Apr-13 09:49:18

I'm sure she has patient confidentially drilled into her too - but like someone said above, personally I would probably pm her on facebook and just point out you're not telling people yet, just to reiterate it. I'm sure she won't spread your news around though, try not to worry smile Oh and I would have asked her to leave too, it's very personal.

ShowOfHands Thu 18-Apr-13 09:53:05

It's fine. Send her a message on fb, tell her it was lovely to see her and hope she didn't mind you wanting some privacy for your booking in appointment as it contains sensitive information. She's training to work in nursing, bedside manner, diplomacy and sensitivity are good lessons to learn!

YummyMummy17 Thu 18-Apr-13 10:48:16

I trust she is a good person and I believe she will be good with confidentiality, just some cases you can't help it ie telling her husband....

My partner however is very private and stuck in his ways, he said once we had left he wouldn't have wanted a trainee there no matter if I knew her or not, although he doesn't have a great reason for this I respect this as he is a genuinely a private person... So yes it would have been better to ask for permission before we entered the room....

I was just panicking, it's the type of person I am, but I'm feeling better about the situation

WentOnABearHunt Thu 18-Apr-13 13:14:03

students are present in all situations throught possible NHS care - usually a GP surgery is a teaching practice and will have a notice up saying students may be present with the GP, Nurse, Midwife. They may be present at any appointments and even maybe on shift when you go to have your baby - if you feel strongly that you do no wish students to be present it might be worth mentioning it to your midwife and having it recorded in your notes. Its fine if you dont want students... but they do have to learn. every Dr and Midwife you see was once a student. Also - you get great one on on care in labour form students when other staff may be busy they can provide additional support and care.

I am sure she will keep it confidential, although she is a student she is doing a professional course and is bound by the same code of practice as the midwife. .... as someone above said - much greater risk being seen in the waiting room by someone you know!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 18-Apr-13 13:20:27

I trust she is a good person and I believe she will be good with confidentiality, just some cases you can't help it ie telling her husband

Just because you would struggle to keep something like this a secret, doesn't mean that she will. Lots of people in my family are HCPs, I have worked in the NHS myself. You find out all kinds of things about people you know, but of course you don't discuss any of it with anyone, not even your husband/wife, with no-one.

You are overreacting and being unfair to your acquaintance. Just carry on as if it never happened.

DowntonTrout Thu 18-Apr-13 13:20:53

When I was in labour with my first DC, I vaguely remember being asked if I minded a trainee being present at the birth. I didn't care at that point.

However, I remember looking up, just after a huge push, and seeing a whole group of them stood watching at the end of the room.

For years after, people would come up to me in te supermarket/ anywhere and say "oh I watched you having your baby!" blush

lyndie Thu 18-Apr-13 13:23:51

I requested no medical students to be involved as I teach them regularly! I couldn't bear the thought of one of them turning up a year later as my trainee! No one bats an eyelid, I was happy with midwifery students though who were lovely. Of course people have to learn but you have a right to confidentiality and she will be fine about it so don't stress.

MrsHoarder Thu 18-Apr-13 13:29:48

Fully understand why you don't want a friend there, but it could also easily be your actual midwife who you know socially and have to ask to see another.

For students generally, they have to learn and i've found i've got a higher standard of care when students have been present, especially when they have to run the clinic/birth and the hcp supervising them just asks questions, checks things (so often had bump measured twice for example). I had a student on the labour ward and thus had constant monitoring with a senior midwife popping in to supervise her, much better than experiences I read of women being left to labour alone for hours.

Greenoes Thu 18-Apr-13 13:30:18

I had my DS at the hospital where I work as a nurse. My birth plan stated that I was more than happy for a student midwife to be present (it was, in fact a student midwife who delivered DS) but I was not happy for a student nurse to be present. Some people found this odd because some years earlier, I had been that student nurse supporting mothers during their labour and birth, however I would not have been offended if the mother had stated that she didn't want me there, especially if I had known the mother.
The Trust is a massive teaching hospital and I had an awful feeling that it was entirely possible that I could end up mentoring a student nurse that had seen me give birth blush

NatashaBee Thu 18-Apr-13 13:45:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squalorvictoria Thu 18-Apr-13 13:46:53

Please don't worry, you did the right thing. I've had to refuse medical students at gynae appointments because they belong to the medical school I work for and the chances of them recognising me were pretty high!

sweetiepie1979 Thu 18-Apr-13 14:02:56

I'm glad your feeling better about it, I think the midwife was out of order assuming you would allow someone to stay cause you know them! To me it's obvious that because you know them it would be more unlikely to want them there for any doctor related situ. You did the right thing well done and congratulations .

YummyMummy17 Thu 18-Apr-13 16:04:51

I said my DH is a private person I know that trainees need to learn, I have no dispute with that.....

I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion and just because I said I though she could tell her husband does not mean that's what I would do I am just a naturally worried person and that's one of the possibilities that ran through my mind... As I said I know she's a good person, I just came on here to vent my experience as I felt it was stressful, to me, as a person. Everyone feels and deals with things differently smile

Thank you all for your feed back and sharing your ideas and experiences smile as above I am feeling better about the situation... Due to giving myself time to re-evaluate the situation...


glossyflower Thu 18-Apr-13 16:11:49

The trainee is bound to confidentiality otherwise she could get seriously disciplined.
When I trained as a nurse though, I did a stint on the breast clinic and we had a list of patients waiting for their appointments to be examined. I recognised two names on there and waited first to see if it was people I knew and when it was confirmed I just opted to sit out their examinations so they didn't have to make that awkward choice.
I knew why they were there though, and said hello to them both but I never questioned why they were there and never told anyone else I saw them there.
One of the ladies was a girl I went to school with who I absolutely disliked but her health is none of my business and my job means more to me than mindless gossip.

glossyflower Thu 18-Apr-13 16:13:59

...similarly I did some time at the sexual health clinic (and did not bump into anyone I knew) but a patient came also worked at the same hospital as me and even though we had never met before she didn't want me in the consultation room just in case one day we did have to work together which is fair enough smile

PurpleStorm Thu 18-Apr-13 22:14:05

I would also have asked the trainee to leave if I'd been in that situation and knew the trainee socially.

FWIW, if it can be avoided, I'd prefer not to receive any medical treatment from a doctor, nurse, midwife or whatever, who I knew socially, because seeing someone I know socially in a medical context would make me feel very very uncomfortable. Despite the confidentiality.

But provided the trainee's unknown to me, or only known in a medical context, I have absolutely no objection to them sitting in and having a go at taking bloods, feeling the bump, etc.

However, in this situation, I might send the trainee a FB message explaining why I'd said no to them being there.

And I agree that you're more likely to be outed in the waiting room. When I went for my booking in appointment for DC2, the GP surgery was closing early for training, so the only patients there were waiting to see the midwife. The woman in just before me was one of the mums at DS's nursery. She was no keener on being outed than I was, so we happily agreed on mutual silence grin

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