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learning to listen to advice

(9 Posts)
lexib Tue 16-Apr-13 17:59:42

In the next couple of weeks we're going too started telling people the good news, and i just wondered - does anyone have any advice about how to actually listen to the baby /parenting / what we did in my day advice without immediately dismissing it all? The headstrong gets the better of me when people tell me what time do, but in this case I really do want too make the most of shared advice, for the best for baby as well as making surely the right people feel involved. Any tips?

getoffthecoffeetable Tue 16-Apr-13 18:10:12

My mum gave me the best advice ever which I always pass on - by all means listen to all the advice everyone offers, then ignore it and do what you and DH think is best. It's your baby, your style
of parenting.

GettingObsessive Tue 16-Apr-13 18:16:06

I have been taking soundings on the same topic from several friends who have had DCs and then choosing which advice I think will suit us best.

You will get loads of unsolicited advice - unless you have asked for it, feel free to ignore it. Even if you have asked for it, feel free to ignore it.

lexib Tue 16-Apr-13 18:17:12

Thanks getoff! And i like that. Mainly concerned about parenting by group vote!

YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad Tue 16-Apr-13 18:53:55

They might surprise you - they might not give you any advice! My mum "couldn't remember" anything about bringing me up. My MIL made a few mentions of "current fads" like putting babies to sleep on their backs and weaning at six months but I swiftly put her straight with a few actual facts and she kept quiet after that.

Just smile, nod and say "we'll consider that, thanks."

purrpurr Tue 16-Apr-13 18:57:56

If you figure out how to take a barrage of unsolicited and often unhelpful advice with a straight face and a genuine-sounding thanks, can you let me know how to do it? I'm 37 weeks and I still haven't figured it out. I'm actually actively avoiding EVERYONE except my husband now because my sense of humour deserted me at 35 weeks, I totally blew my top when someone suggested some random crap about epidurals meaning the husband is allowed to remain in the delivery suite!

redbunnyfruitcake Tue 16-Apr-13 20:08:34

In my experience I would have done well to listen to some advice/suggestions one of which was to be as flexible as possible. I had some very fixed ideas about how I wanted DD raised i.e co-sleeping, in a sling and breast fed for a year. My mum held her tongue which is unusual for her but I think she could see I was on the edge and didn't want to be the one to push me over. However I knew her feelings on certain things and in my weaker moments would seek out her advice which she tried to give as tactfully as possible.

I wish I had done controlled crying, bought a pram and put DD is a cot in another room long before I did but they say the first is the practice baby. The only thing that worked out a blinding success was Baby led weaning, my dear mother cannot believe the things DD will eat and how few difficulties we have with food. I feel like I am slightly redeemed on the parenting front with that one. I'm expecting DD2 in August and just know I'll be taking much more advice this time and gladly. Hope you can sort the wheat from the chaff and get what you need for your experience of parenting.

lexib Tue 16-Apr-13 20:15:32

Thank you purr, for making me feel not alone! I know everyone will try to be helpful, and the practice baby thing does make me feel better red. Thank you

Springforward Tue 16-Apr-13 20:24:08

I handled this spectacularly badly and while pregnant with DS I told MIL outright that I (not even we, note!) would be raising this child as I saw fit, not as she saw fit. Loudly. In the middle of a restaurant. Not my finest DIL hour. Poor woman was only expressing her opinion on how good coach built silver cross prams used to be! Must have been the hormones.

However, in an odd sort of way we got over it quickly and did go on to be able to talk on good terms about how things have changed since hers were tiny, and I was able to explain why I was doing things the way I was, and (horrors) even picked up a few bits of good advice from her on the way....

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