Help please I have a consultant apt tomorrow as have a high BMI :( what will happen ?? I'm worried and embarrest :(

[Becky2406]

This is my 4th baby and my BMI is high over 30 I think :( I'm so embarrest I'm a size 18 normally and was the same with baby number 3 but this time the midwife (different one from number 3) has booked me in with a consultant :( well she never told me infant at my booking in apt she said I was low risk but shortly after a letter arrived saying I'm high risk and need to see the consaulent :( I was gutted really was. Anyway --sorry I ramble--- what will happen at the apt ?? Will I be humiliated about my weight ? Will I be outed as in my weight said out loude ?? I'm scared my hubby will hear I know he's my hubby but I'm ashamed :( . Will I be scand ? ( fingers are crossed for this even though it most likely wont happen :( ! ) will they take bloods , will they do a GD test ?? I'm expeting that !! :( if so what happens with that a g/d I mean
Sorry so many questions I'm worried :( thank you ladies xx

[FoofFighter]

I was referred for BMI of 32. The national guidelines in Scotland is for over 35. I was not impressed especially as I had just lost over 2 stone reducing my BMI by a fair few points in the previous 6 months.

Anyway the MW persuaded me to stay on consultant led saying it would mean anything re my birth options (here at least) and would be a plus as I would have two extra appts and possibly a growth scan later on too.

At my appt it was barely 5 mins long, he never said my weight or my BMI (altho cannot guarantee yours wouldn't) didn't want to weigh me, didn't give me any advice/info about not putting on too much weight, he really just went over the things in my book already covered by my MW, no bloods taken (again might just be mine though) said he had no concerns about anything, so am wondering wtf was that all about??

In fact, the only thing was that I get an automatic GTT around 28weeks and an appointment was made there and then for that.

Waste of both mine and his time hospital resources imo.

[FoofFighter]

You can refuse by the way.

[FoofFighter]

wouldn't mean anything re birth options, I need to preview more often...

[IcingOnTheNappyCake]

My BMI was just under 31 and I was told I was medium risk, anything over 35 is high risk, you can always ask for privacy regarding anything, especially weight and other personal things, and also they don't tend to weigh you at every appointment, I only got weighed at my 12 week scan, but was never referred to consultant led care? Apparently consultant led is really good though? Might be worth giving it a go? Congrats on your pregnancy anyways enjoy it!

[Steffanoid]

I had an extra appt and scan cause of my BMW, the apply was the anaesthetic man telling me risks etc of things like epidural and seeing if they could site one(basically he prodded my back and made sure he could see the veins in the back of my hands) nothing scary promise, I've had nothing in terms of helping to not put a lot of weight on or advice and nobody seems fussed,

[LexiLoganberryBump]

I saw my consultant at 16 weeks, she checked blood pressure, urine and babies heart beat. We had a chat about not being able to use a birthing pool due to bmi and that was about it. She doesn't want to see me again until I'm 38 weeks and said she won't be giving any extra scans. Also didn't weigh me.

[Becky2406]

See that's what I'm dreading I would like a water birth but also know from past experiences its prob not going to happen not due to BMI more due to being in to much pain a couldn't get of the bed :( was just secretly hoping it will be different this final last time

[weeblueberry]

Don't be so sure about the water birth hon. In central Scotland the BMI limit is 35 for one and if you're just above 30 you may be okay?

[TinkyPeet]

I had a consultant appointment because Of high bmi and she just came in, checked my blood pressure and urine and asked if I was okay and if I had any questions or anything and sent me on my merry way, it wasn't embarrassing or anything xx

[Becky2406]

Update : I went yesterday and my midwife was there too ?? This made me feel uneasy if I'm honest 1st the midwife took the baby's heart beat and at the same time the consultant asked me questions. She asked why are you here ?? You have had natural no prob births with all your other kids (3) so I don't know why your here ?? I said I'm not sure I think it's because I'm fat :( the midwife spoke up " I wouldn't refer anyone for no reason ! " this made me feel so fat and disgusting. Anyway the long and short is my BMI is 35 so I have to have a g/d test at 28 weeks and go back to the consultant at 36 weeks to be weighed if g/d test comes back clear then she will discharge me. My problem I have is the midwife she makes me feel that I disgust her when ever she looks at me I'm just fat and I now feel I don't want to see or talk to anyone it's stripped me of any conference I had. :( I'm dreading seeing my mw again and I'm scared to eat because I'm making wrong choices. I now don't feel pregnant. Feel no link to the baby :( it just feels a mess
I know I sound over reacting but this is how I feel. My hubby hasn't really supported me he didn't say anything nothing to help me feel ok about how I was made to feel. It's not his fault think he just struggles to deal with me when I'm like that bless. There's a lot more to the reason y I feel so low but this is already a long message sorry anyway update finished thank you so much every one who replayed and helped me feel better about going to the apt xx
Not sure what I'd do without mumsnet lol x

[soupmaker]

Hi Becky. Sorry to hear about your experience. Sounds like the MW isn't very understanding. You talk about having low feelings. Is the way you are feeling possibly depression? Do you have friends in RL you could chat with about how you feel? Do you have a sympathetic GP you could speak to?

[TinkyPeet]

It sounds like your midwife could do with a talking to (to put it nicely) she is not employed to make people feel uncomfortable about themselves whatsoever and I think if I were you I would be putting in a complaint.
I had the GTT yesterday and those of us that were there were roughly the same size and shape, so you're not alone and the lady was telling me they do 3 GTT clinics a week and see roughly 60 women each clinic. The consultant referral for bmi is an automatic process (read through the risk assessment factors and procedures in your notes) and is in no way shape or form aimed at you directly so please please don't take it to heart!!
The worst thing you could possibly do, pregnant or not, is not eat! There are lots and lots of things you can do to make yourself feel a bit healthier during pregnancy, I've quite taken to walking at the minute because the weather is nice, and I do feel a little better about myself.
Perhaps find something you can do comfortably and enjoy without pushing yourself too much and you'll feel great being able to tell your mw to shove it up her arse!
Xxx

[libertychick]

Would you feel confident enough to ask for a different midwife? Her job is to support you to have a healthy pregnancy and birth and she's not achieving that if you are now not eating! And you should talk to your GP - it sounds like you may need some help with feeling low. Best of luck with it all - great advise from TinkyPeet re some exercise outdoors - just 20 mins walking outside every day will help manage your weight, increase your Vit D levels and will also help you feel more positive.

[Becky2406]

Thank you so much ladies its so nice to know there are ppl out there the same as me ( meaning the BMI) I will take your advice about getting outside and vitamin D. I think a added reason to feeling low is I'm so tirade I work 5 evenings a week till 10-11pm at night and then with 3 girls up early for school runs ect I'm finding it hard. But hey it's not for ever another 23 /25 weeks to go. Think also the Woking evenings is a factor to no appetite. Just got worse since feeling a big fat wale

[TheFalconsmistress]

I have a bmi of 38 atm, Midwife said i could have a water birth I had one with my first when my bmi was this high too. There is a government initiative for growth scans but MW does not think it will last long because in her opinion weight has no bearing on how smooth your birth or pregnancy will go. I sorry your Mw has made you feel bad, don't focus on eating well not dieting but healthy foods and what can they say?

[bonzo77]

Please change midwife. There's a difference between health advice tailored to your specific needs (your BMI), and belittling, possibly discriminatory behaviours. I would also complain. You will not be the only one, she is probably unkind to other women for other reasons.

[Fairy130389]

My BMI is 35 and I have to see a consultant at 36 weeks (I'm 32 weeks at the mo). I'm also having a growth scan at 36 weeks.

My midwife has said that they don't like you to have a water birth but I really want one, so she has arranged for me to see a supervisor of midwives who will talk me through the risks and if I decide I still want one, they will let me (obv depending on availability)...

Please please change your midwife - they are there to support you not judge you.

P.S - GTT is nothing to worry about - 12 hrs fasting overnight and then a sugary drink to drink and some bloods.
I eat cake constantly occasionally and mine was fine.

Oh and eat please! Think of your bubba!

[FoofFighter]

What risks are there in a water birth for overweight ladies I wonder?

[TinkyPeet]

I think it's maybe if they can't pull you out should anything happen, but don't quote me as I'm not sure.
I also work till late, sometimes 3/4am! Although granted thats not often! And up for school run etc, which is why I'm finishing in 3 weeks at 30 week so know exactly what u mean with the tiredness/ stupid appetite times etc. just try and keep positive, you'll be fine :) xx

[weeblueberry]

Foof it's mainly to do with getting you out the water as Tinky mentioned. It's also because the higher the BMI the more likely they are to want to monitor you and apparently there are fewer choices for monitoring if you're submerged.

[Chuckaluck]

Hi all, I saw consultant at 20 weeks. Wel actually isaw one if his team who said absolutely nothing about my weight but took my blood pressure and said it was too high at 140/90. I said it was high because I was anxious but he insisted I had it checked every week from then on! At each following appt it was a lot lower so my midwife told me not to bother anymore after 4 weeks! At 28 weeks (2 weeks time) I have to go for another consultant appt, scan and GTT so not looking forward to that but at least I get to see baby wiggling around again. If all ok at 28 weeks, I go for another appt and scan at 36
weeks.

I was really worried about the appt and being referred but it's been ok and I suppose I think at least if something is not as it should I would know well in advance. I will ask them about the water birth though as even though I am not sure I want to give birth in water, I would like the option whilst labouring. I can't see why it would be such a big no no!