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When did you 'connect' or start to bond with the baby in your tummy?

(23 Posts)
Kelly1814 Mon 15-Apr-13 06:02:52

Hello all

I'm just wondering when you started to feel connected to the baby? I'm 15 weeks, haven't gained a pound and zero sign of a bump (obviously expecting to balloon any minute now.)

If it wasn't for the scans (I've had 4, high risk) and the sickness (oh and the cerclage tomorrow!), I honestly would have no clue that I'm up the duff.

I've read books and articles about women 'speaking to their tummy from day one, and bonding with their baby whilst massaging in oils and lotions etc, this isn't really me (although am doing the massaging in hope of beating stretch marks!) The scans, whilst wonderful, just blow my mind as I would never know that there is anything in there without them.

Any feedback on when you felt a connection? Was it when it started to move?

Thanks in advance smile

silver28 Mon 15-Apr-13 06:27:14

I wouldn't say I ever felt a connection with either of mine while before they were born. Of course I cared about keeping them safe Eric and looked forward to them being born, but didn't really think to talk directly to my bump and the thought that there was a baby inside me felt quite strange.

I didn't really feel the massive rush of love that when they were born that many people describe either. I thought 'thank goodness that's I've, oh how lovely a baby, where's that rush of love feeling?' . But I would say I loved them from day one, it's just my love grew and grew the more I got to know them. DS is nearly five now and DD is 16 months and I love them now more than ever smile

I think everyone is different. You may feel a bond grow, you may find one develops as a result of a particular experience, you may not feel one at all until after the birth (or beyond). Please don't worry about it, you'll do fine smile

silver28 Mon 15-Apr-13 06:28:14

Not sure what word the random Eric was supposed to be!

CheerfulYank Mon 15-Apr-13 06:31:19

I don't think I bonded with DS until he was about 4 months old! smile He's my whole heart now.

I'm due in 6 weeks with DC2 and I do feel more bonded this time. I've had a really rough go physically and it's made me feel very protective.

MrsMangoBiscuit Mon 15-Apr-13 06:35:50

I think with DD, the more I could recognise a personality, the more "bond" I felt. Things like, kicking DHs head when he was resting it on my bump, and me imagining her muttering "Oi! Gerrof!" grin

Now 18 weeks with DC2, and although I already feel very protective, I'm not sure if it's down to any kind of bond, or if I'm just projecting because of my experiences with DD.

I also didn't get a love rush with DD, a big wave of relief that it was over, but no love rush. That came later.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Mon 15-Apr-13 06:40:13

With dd straight away, with ds a couple of weeks after he was born.

RememberingMyPFEs Mon 15-Apr-13 06:46:55

Like the OP I didn't feel anything much at the start and worried that I 'should' be bonding. Once she started kicking and wriggling it changed. Like a PP said it's imagining the personality. I'm 24+6 now and really feel quite close. Not sure how ill feel once she arrives, think I'll miss the kicks wink

VinegarDrinker Mon 15-Apr-13 07:08:33

3 or 4 months after he came out and stopped screaming - love him to bits now, he's totally awesome smile

LouiseD29 Mon 15-Apr-13 07:14:30

Hi Kelly, I'm 23 weeks and had my anomaly scan last weekend where I asked to be told the sex. Since finding out I'm going to have a daughter I feel I have started to bond with my bump - not because I would have minded if it was a boy, but just because it's made it all seem much more real and I'm finding it easier to get my head around now I can picture a real little person.

It's only been that recent though - before that I secretly didn't actually believe there was really a baby in there.

ButteryJam Mon 15-Apr-13 07:34:46

I think once the movements came in, and I could feel baby, bonding started then. However, I still don't speak to baby as much as DP does. I think it's because my tummy is further away from my mouth, and can't get close up of course. Can't wait to talk to baby when it gets out smile

Mama1980 Mon 15-Apr-13 07:40:45

With ds1 when I was about 9 weeks pregnant and started to bleed, I realised how desperately I loved and wanted him. With ds2 pretty much very early too, I knew my pg was very high risk and knew what a fight he would have.

MrsHoarder Mon 15-Apr-13 07:43:44

When he was born. Don't worry about what you should feel, it will come. I never spoke/read to my bump either.

ThreeBeeOneGee Mon 15-Apr-13 07:47:08

DS1: about 4 months after his birth.
DS2: instantly after birth.
DS3: about 3 months after birth.
DD: about 6 weeks after birth.

I had some late miscarriages (20 weeks) so I think I was too scared to bond with them until they were born.

Kelly1814 Mon 15-Apr-13 07:47:43

thanks so much for the feedback, you've (as always) made me feel much better and less like i'm going to be a terrible mother.

one friend did also say don't worry if there's no 'rush of love' when they pop out. i love her for her honesty, i can imagine being a slow burn...

Meringue33 Mon 15-Apr-13 09:28:00

After he was born! Loved him from about Day 2 but feel much more connected and bonded now he is three months as can see his wee personality emerging, can exchange smiles etc.

I didn't really get the whole talking to your bump thing at the time, but I think I will next time round as I know what is in there ifkwim smile

CareerGirl01 Mon 15-Apr-13 09:52:31

DD1 - as soon as I found out I was pregnant
DC2 - when she kicked like crazy when DD1 was crying - about 30 weeks.

Lydia161290 Mon 15-Apr-13 10:54:05

I started the bond after my 20 week scan, after finding out I'm having a boy and feeling him move, I've fallen in love already and feel very protective of him.

I'm 25 + 3 now and counting down the weeks until he's here! I wouldn't say I talk to my bump. I feel a bit weird. Haha!

lexib Mon 15-Apr-13 18:04:33

My dh is developing qyite a bond with almost bump (12 weeks), he does morning chats to my belly which I love.
For me, I think I'm developing a mental bond, havent chatted to him/her but feel very protective already. Other half of that is that I do also sometimes forget I'm pregnant! Button then remembering again is lovely smile

DottyDot Mon 15-Apr-13 18:09:17

Despite me wanting to be a Mum for years and trying for 19 months to get pregnant, I didn't bond at all with ds while I was pregnant - quite the opposite in fact... I called him 'it', didn't find out the sex and was thoroughly miserable thoughout the pregnancy and really upset that I didn't feel any amazing connection!

Still, the minute he was born I was so relieved to get him out I loved him instantly grin

AlohaMama Mon 15-Apr-13 21:31:59

silver pretty much sums up my experience too. I was slightly worried about lacking maternal instinct. When they gave me ds after he was born I just was totally exhausted and thought 'what am I supposed to do with him?'

love just grew from there, and most rapidly once he was 12 months and started being able to communicate and express a personality. now i think he is the most awesome baby in the world!!

this pregnancy i have found out the sex, so she has a name, but still don't do the talking thing. Plenty of time for that when she comes out!

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 15-Apr-13 22:08:02

Thank you for posting this question Kelly - reading the responses haase me realise i am not a heartless bitch after all. I am 20 weeks pregnant and haven't bonded at all with the baby. I feel protective of it but that's about it. I really thought everyone else was madly in love with their babies from a few weeks bump onwards and that I was a terrible person for not being. I've sobbed on my DH's shoulder that because I haven't fallen in love with my unborn baby I'm going to be a terrible Mum and would end up resenting the baby and the baby will hate me!

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 15-Apr-13 22:08:37

Haase?! I mean has made

HeffalumpTheFlump Tue 16-Apr-13 14:58:44

I'm 14 weeks and don't feel a bond really yet.. I think once I know the sex it will be much easier to imagine this baby as a real person. When I saw the 12 week scan I was really moved and it completely took my breath away, but that kinda faded afterwards. I hope that when I can feel baby move it will make it all more real and I will get a tiny sense of baby's personality. I really hope this is true because I'm terrified of not bonding with this baby and not being a good mum.

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