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Are you banning SO from drinking as you get close to 40 weeks?

(12 Posts)
Sunnysummer Tue 09-Apr-13 10:44:48

My DH is not a crazy partier (especially since the pregnancy!), but does tend to go out on a Friday night for a fair few drinks with the guys, and now has a stag night coming up when I'll be 37+2...

I don't mind him going out, and know that the chances of very early delivery are pretty small, but at over 36 weeks and with the baby's head fully engaged, I'm nervous about having him not able to drive and frankly don't want anyone in the delivery room who's had anything to drink. He's said that he'll be 'careful', but after all the guys get together (and as most of our friends don't have any kids) this doesn't necessarily mean what I would think it means blush

Did you have rules for your SO about this? What would you say is reasonable?

MisselthwaiteManor Tue 09-Apr-13 10:47:32

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to want him sober and ready to go at any time, it's only a few weeks! My DH isn't really a drinker so this isn't a problem for me but in your position I'd ask him to stay home or at least say sober.

Bejeena Tue 09-Apr-13 10:50:09

I would personally have no problem with my husband going out to the pub and drinking at his own pace (ie always buying his own, not rushing to finish a round or having any shots etc.). I wouldn't ban him from going on a stag night as it is arranged but would expect him to not go mad if I was say 38+ weeks.

However if he, off his own back decided he wanted to go out on the beers at this stage and arranged it himself with his mates I'd be upset. But I still wouldn't ban him I don't think.

I don't like the sound of you making 'rules' as you put it. I'd just tell my husband what I expect.

With regards to not being able to drive - doesn't bother me we could call a taxi or a friend for a lift in emergency.

HorraceTheOtter Tue 09-Apr-13 10:54:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Titsalinabumsquash Tue 09-Apr-13 10:59:04

I wouldn't ban anything or make rules, mainly because my other half is a grown up and I'm not his mother...

However it's not unreasonable to have a chat with your OH and explain your worries and make a plan together.

DaveMccave Tue 09-Apr-13 11:43:43

Mine will be playing a festival when im 38/39 weeks. I'm fine with that, but said its probably not a good idea if he drinks more than a pint, as it would only take 2 hours to get home if he was driving. I did suggest he stay for the whole 4 days, but he doesn't want to if he's going to be sober, I don't blame him really.

37 weeks is full term technically, so I don't think a huge piss up is advisable from this point. Depends how close he is to the stag, but if not particularly so, I'd suggest he just went for a bit and a couple of drinks and you pick him up early?

DaveMccave Tue 09-Apr-13 11:46:53

I agree though that anyone has 'rules' is a bit off. A discussion about things as they come up and a bit of flexibility is better and shows respect to both.

Sunnysummer Tue 09-Apr-13 12:30:31

You are right about 'rules', it's not the right way of phrasing it, and normally we've always been very relaxed about either of us going out and about him having fun while pregnant.

I think it's partly because my dad missed my birth after picking up a out-of-town shift for a mate and my mum has never forgotten it (although she was very early at 36 weeks, so this is a bit unfair!) and mostly that I'm a bit frustrated that after 10 years, I still can't be sure DH will keep his phone/wits about him when he goes out and just let him be... one of the reasons we've always had fun together is his tendency to go out for 'just one drink' and end the evening with a random group of friends at an underground experimental jazz club at 3am, which was great when we were both going out but less exciting when you're 8 months pregnant, cooked something for after the 'one drink' and are left waiting at home and putting another cold dinner into the fridge/compost/grateful puppy.

So anyway, this is why I posted... Because I did think that my frustration might make me a bit unreasonable, so it's good to get an idea of what other people think before we discuss it again, thank you!

RatPants Tue 09-Apr-13 13:15:16

Oh god, I hate to sound like a harbinger of doom but that's going to be even less fun for you stuck at home with a baby rather than just pregnant. Is he likely to tone it down a bit when the baby arrives or at least make sure you get equal opportunities for nights out / free time?

Toowittoowoo Tue 09-Apr-13 13:34:38

Oh it's really hard but you have to be honest about how you feel. Maybe the rational and sensible thing to do would be to let him regulate himself but not if you are going to sit at home worrying and getting angry with him (I speak from experience! ).

I know it is hard. I consider my DH to be as sensible as the next guy but i think it is different for them until the baby is born, their life has not changed as dramatically as ours and I don't think it feels as real in some ways.

Regardless of what you think you should do if you don't want your DH to go out drinking after 36 weeks then you need to discuss it honestly with him. Try to make him understand why you are scared and see if he has any bright ideas.

Very tricky though but if he is my DH then it will all change once the baby is born and he finally works the reality of the situation.

Now DD is 2.5yrs and I need to push him out to the pub or he'd never get round to it! How things change!!!

samsmother Tue 09-Apr-13 22:55:37

Although I didn't want to set any 'rules' I did however stress to my DH that come 38 weeks I didn't want him drinking more than one drink per night so that he would be able to drive when the time came. He enjoys a couple of drinks pretty much every night, sometimes a bottle of wine. I felt that I needed to know he was sober and able to help out when he was needed, and I figured a few weeks out of his life not having more than one drink a night wouldn't hurt. Anyway At 36+1 i was due to pick my parents up one Saturday night from the airport but my feet were SO swollen I asked (pleaded) DH to drive and I'd be the passenger, the only night he didn't drink that year probably. My waters broke less than 2 hours after getting back home!

Sunnysummer Wed 10-Apr-13 12:14:38

Thank you for the very reasonable advice! And Toowittoowoo it's good to hear that your DH was happy to be family-focussed after the baby arrived, I really do think the DH will be like this, he's so keen to meet our son, and his brothers and dad are all so involved with their kids that his expectations for after the birth are for him to be spending a lot of time at home with the family, which I think is partly why he's been spending a lot of time with the boys recently.

With this in mind, we had a good conversation, unless there are any signs of an impending delivery earlier he's going to the stag do but won't go too crazy and will keep his phone on him as well as giving me the number of his non-drinking friend who'll also be there, just in case. And for the last 2.5 weeks, he'll go out as usual with clients and colleagues but not drink (his call, he said that with guys its easier to stick to your guns this way!). Hopefully all will sort out well, and we won't have an early delivery like samsmother! shock

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