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Worried that partner won't be able to stay throughout labour...

(26 Posts)
LuckyOwl28 Mon 08-Apr-13 14:18:04

The area that we recently moved to has 4 options of where to deliver - 3 midwife led units and one consultant led.

The consultant led place has an awful reputation for cleanliness and care, and this was confirmed when we had one trip there at 20 weeks.

If I can't have my waterbirth at a midwife led unit, if I need to be induced or they have any concerns I'll have no choice but to deliver at the main hospital. This would be bad enough, but I've just spoken to two women who had their partners sent away while they were in active labour as they needed to stick to visiting hours with the ward being full. One lady said her waters had gone, she was 3cm dilated but her fella was still sent packing til morning. He only just got there in time!

With it being my first, I'd be absolutely gutted/terrified at being left alone. Plus the hospital is 45-50 mins away so I'd also worry that if my labour progressed quickly he wouldn't make it back in time.

Its my due date today and don't feel close at all, so now i'm even more anxious about having to deliver at this hospital.

Have you heard about this happening, or has it happened to you??

MrsHoarder Mon 08-Apr-13 14:22:22

No, our hospital had a "best practise" policy that induced women went into side rooms and their partners were allowed at any time. This was just as well because I could only have the bath for pain relief and by the second night DH was needed to make sure I didn't fall asleep in it.

Shocking that they pack the husbands off in this day and age.

StitchAteMySleep Mon 08-Apr-13 14:25:44

No dh was with me throughout and other family were allowed up to see me outside of visiting hours even in the high dependency unit.

glossyflower Mon 08-Apr-13 14:42:28

As a nurse working in a hospital the visiting hours are only are a recommendation, and despite what some nurses/midwives think it cant really be enforced.

Your partner can refuse to leave provided they are not a nuisance to anybody else (ie in and out the unit every 5 minutes or talking loudly on the phone).

My dad was very ill on a ward with a bad reputation and because I was asking the nurse to do things (that was her job anyway and she didn't know I am a nurse too) she asked me to leave. I said no because my dad was seriously sick. So in the end she 'allowed' me to stay.
However I would not have budged anyway! I'm glad I did stay because my dad was ignored in a side room for hours and actually almost needed to go to intensive care.

Another fine example was my friend recently pg with twins had a routine appointment to discover to her surprise she was 3cm dilated. She was booked in for ECS the next morning and gave her meds to stop the labour. Her DH was sent home late at night, bearing in mind he doesn't drive and lives 30 mins away. After an hour of being home he got a call to come back in immediately, the twins were coming.
By the time he got there both babies had been born and my friend went through a traumatic vaginal breech birth with both alone with no family with her.

So if I was DP if asked to leave, ask to speak to the midwife in charge, and decline to leave for the very reason it's very important to you as a family you stay and do this together, emphasise he will not be a distraction or nuisance to anyone else and stay put. What are they going to do, call security and man handle him out the door? I don't think so.

carrielou2007 Mon 08-Apr-13 14:46:11

Yes ex partner with me the whole time for both inductions. Hospital 40 mins away and with the usual nightmare parking if a city centre with most ncp car parks being full!! He was sent home at about 11pm as told I was only 3cm but finally put in the drip on day three of induction. At midnight I said I needed to push and told no you don't only to be found to be 10cm and I did so back he came!!

flowery Mon 08-Apr-13 14:47:42

This happened to me and I kicked off grinblush

I said I am not going to go through labour without my husband so if you don't let him stay I'm going home. I got my bag and staggered towards the exit gripping DH as I couldn't walk by myself at that stage. I had a major contraction by the door almost collapsing and they decided actually him staying was preferable to me having the baby elsewhere....

So not like me to do that at all but I felt very strongly and was in pain and upset.

Mind you the whole delivery was a catalogue of errors on their part leaving me seriously unwell at the end. We had baby number two elsewhere...

Toowittoowoo Mon 08-Apr-13 14:48:24

I'm not quite sure what active labour is as I was induced and basically nothing (apart from I few twinges) happened for a long time. While I was on that ward DH was only allowed during visting hours but when I was on the drip and moved to the actual labour ward he was allowed to stay. I still think it was awful though as, after being there for 5 whole days the informed me that they told me, with no warning that they were taking me up to the labour ward to start the drip that instant. No time to wait for DH, no time yo change into some more comfortable, no time to gather me belongings (books, CD player, slippers etc.). I ended up strapped to a drip and a monitor wearing a woolly jumper because I didn't have to confidence to tell them to stop and give me a minute. Lucky for me DH had not gone home after visiting hours and was still in a local supermarket.

However I understand that I should have been a lot braver and told them that I wasn't moving anywhere until DH was there, I'd packed up my stuff and I'd changed into something that was slightly more sensible for a 12hr labour.

If your DH is sent away you need to speak you mind. Definitely!

ChunkyPickle Mon 08-Apr-13 15:12:12

I would hope you won't have to speak up - DS was in hospital recently, and whilst they technically had visiting hours, as long as no-one was causing problems they were ignored. I think all that was keeping the poor little girl opposite even vaguely cheerful (and her mum sane) were the various visits from family members throughout the day.

You might need to be assertive though. They may have policies, but so do you, and it's your policy to have your husband with you at a vulnerable time - which it is. You might be in pain, you might be exhausted, you'll certainly be distracted by what's going on and having an advocate for you is only sensible.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 08-Apr-13 15:21:56

flowery my local hospital would have sent me home if I wasn't insisting to stay. Your trick wouldn't have worked. I was going be sent home when I was fully dilated. They only found out then they decided to give me a sweep before sending me home, yet again.

A friend was sent home and had to be taken back by the ambulance. Another was prem when her water broke, in labour and she was left at in the corridor until her husband made a real fuss for them to take her in.

Their policy as they said to me, was if they didn't examine me then I couldn't have been in active labour, so they could send me home.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 08-Apr-13 15:23:16

DH didn't leave outside of the visiting hours btw. Basically you have to be very assertive or they would be more than happy to ignore you.

polkadotsrock Mon 08-Apr-13 15:27:32

Firstly, try not to worry. There are a whole lot of 'ifs' that have to happen before any of the panic situations MIGHT occur. At this stage staying calm is going to help you most. Secondly, there are always horror stories but I'm sure you could also find two women who were delighted with their experience at that hospital. As you've seen in posts above the best plan IF it comes to it is to stand firm. You'll be fine.

LuckyOwl28 Mon 08-Apr-13 15:28:50

Right this gives me confidence that if they try to send him packing I'm within my rights to challenge it. I think there will be far less of a scene if he stays!

Some of your stories are just awful!

flowery Mon 08-Apr-13 15:41:45

It wasn't a "trick" thanks. hmm I genuinely meant it and would have gone home had they not allowed DH to stay with me. Apart from anything else I was in no state to be that calculating.

They decided that medically they would prefer me to be in the hospital so allowed him to stay.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 08-Apr-13 15:59:25

Sorry flowery I thought you were trying to make a show for it! Apologies.

WestieMamma Mon 08-Apr-13 16:47:06

Gosh, this is really surprising to me. At the hospital I'll be going to partners are allowed, and encouraged, to stay for the entire duration of mum's stay.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 08-Apr-13 17:03:17

westie is that the antenatal or the labour rooms? Men are usually not allowed in the antenatal side, and you will be in the antenatal side if you are being induced, until you get to active labour. Same if you are admitted for some sort of observation (I was in because my water broke quite early). It's the same in the post labour wards. I think some of the women above was in a ward. I was in a antenatal room and even that DH was still not allowed.

My main beef was actually that they ignored me in the antenatal ward for my entire labour until fully dilated. I was told repeatedly they couldn't escalate me because they don't have staff to deal with more women in active labour. So the definition of it is rather subjective, and they can refuse to take more in (I'm guessing it's to make their numbers look better). I wasn't being monitored properly. I also didn't get an induction until after 2.5 days later, which is more than 48 hours after my water broke. (That was the sweep they were going to give me, but I was already fully dilated). I was basically just left in the antenatal ward to labour the whole time. Luckily my DH stood his ground and stayed, despite it not being allowed.

flowery Mon 08-Apr-13 17:04:51


Not at all. If I had wanted to come up with a plan beforehand to get them to allow DH to stay, threatening to walk out definitely wouldn't have been it!

I was genuinely shocked that they intended to send him away, in lots of pain and terrified at being on my own so genuinely was fully intending to go home. We only live a 5 minute drive from the hospital anyway.

Both DH and the midwives could see that medically I needed to be there at that point and they were all right, but at that precise moment I was off!

I wouldn't advocate that as a plan OP but I agree with the advice to stand firm and try not to get hysterical like I did..

Gatorade Mon 08-Apr-13 17:13:33

At my local hospital (where DD was born) I was induced on an antenatal ward where DH was only allowed to be present during visiting hours (8am to 9pm I think it was). The plan was supposed to be that DH could return if I was in established labour and moved to a delivery suite outside of visiting hours.

As if happened I was induced early evening, DH left at 9, waters went at 5am and cord prolapsed and I was whisked in for an emergency section before DH arrived. It wasn't ideal and not the labour if dreamed of but I got a live baby out of it so I'm actually incredibly grateful. Planned section this time around though!

WestieMamma Mon 08-Apr-13 17:36:21

westie is that the antenatal or the labour rooms?

All rooms, antenatal, labour and postnatal, but then the hospital doesn't have any shared rooms. They are all 'private'.

(I'm in Sweden by the way, so things are probably a bit different.)

IdaClair Mon 08-Apr-13 17:46:21

The only time I stayed in a hospital for baby stuff DH stayed with me and we had a double camp bed. It was in the baby loss room though. For my full term births I had home births and I was the one to kick him out grin I prefer him in an adjacent room, I have no need of him when I'm dancing round my bedroom mooing.

BraveLilBear Mon 08-Apr-13 18:05:48

Crikey, I'm still reeling from finding out that if you have to stay overnight post-birth, nearly all hospitals will not let dad stay and send him home (can't tell you how distressing this is as a thought to me with HB not an option). So if you get induced, you're in the same boat?

That's terrible. Can't think of anything more stressful than being on your own in the early stages of labour sad

MiaowTheCat Mon 08-Apr-13 18:05:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 08-Apr-13 18:57:16

westie I think most of us here are talking about the NHS. I'm sure it's a lot better in Sweden!

WestieMamma Mon 08-Apr-13 19:04:57

Am I not allowed to give my experiences then?

MrsHoarder Mon 08-Apr-13 19:57:35

Brave its not that bad everywhere, I was on a standard nhs ante natal ward and dh stayed on a campbed. He wasn't allowed to stay on the post natal ward though.

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