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Want to be vague about date of last period and refuse dating scan in the NHS - comments please

(93 Posts)
Refusingdating Mon 08-Apr-13 10:53:46

I have had 2 pregnancies that went overdue, by 10 days and the last one by 18 days. I did a lot of research last time and the risks for going overdue over 42 weeks are I felt, for me, less dangerous than having induction (with a c section scar) or repeat section which were my options. This time round I would like to try for a natural birth but I am aware at 39 weeks plus i will get pressure to have a section which will be increased if I go overdue.

My plan is to have a private dating scan so I know my exact dates but no one else, including my husband, who will not pay a great deal of attention if I am vague or outright lie about the date I am due as he will be my main source of pressure. He is currently saying he'll refuse to come to a planned natural birth but if I say I'm say 38 weeks but am actually 41 and go into labour naturally my hope is it will progress and I can say I just want to have a go and he won't refuse to come with me.

I am making sense in my head but fully prepared for you to all tell me I'm mental or point out problems I haven't thought of. But women used to have babies with no scans etc, quite recently, and all the medical help is there if problems picked up in labour. I will know my real date so can tell the hospital and disclose private scan if I go properly overdue, ie over 42 weeks to ask for monitoring and elcs if I haven't gone into labour. My hope is I will labour naturally before 42 weeks so it won't be necessary, the only problem I can see is the anomaly scan which I would want, not bothered about nuchal fold or downs tests as I would prefer not to know. However I have looked into this and there is a -+3 week margin of error with a scan after 20 weeks, not sure if it would be possible to refuse to have a dating measurement though or if this would affect what they are looking for on anomaly. Obviously I could also go private for this scan and going to discuss with mw.
It would require being vague with the mw about my last period and refusing dating scan when I have booking in appt this week. But I will be able to have informed discussions about 3rd section vs vbac and keep my options open.

rubyslippers Mon 08-Apr-13 10:59:13

I wouldn't do what you are suggesting

I would however find a supportive midwife or doula who will advocate with you for a VBAC

personally i would want to know of any issues (such as a breech baby for example) well before delivery

Your husband clearly isn't happy either - maybe he's worried about you and your baby????

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Mon 08-Apr-13 11:07:43

Don't they use the dating scans to check growth. Growth of certain body parts at certain times indicates potential problems. E.g leg length, neck width etc etc. So for that reason it wouldn't sit comfortably with me.

PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty Mon 08-Apr-13 11:10:42

What is your reason for all this?

shallweshop Mon 08-Apr-13 11:12:21

I am sorry but I think you could run into all sorts of difficulties with your suggested plan. Misleading your midwife about dates and swopping between private and NHS care is not a great idea and could lead to a great deal of confusion. I hope you have a straightforward, healthy pregnancy but if anything does go wrong it is crucial that your midwife has the full information - she will not be impressed if you suddenly have to 'fess up your plan.

IMO, it would be better to be open and honest and make it clear what your wishes are at the outset and then stick to your guns.

AnythingNotEverything Mon 08-Apr-13 11:14:34

I think this is potentially really dangerous for you and your baby.

I understand you have concerns about another CS, but I think you'd be better off discussing this with your mw. Additional babies do tend to come quicker, and I'm sure they will listen if you want a CS to be a last resort.

I wouldn't take the health of my baby into my own hands in this way. I think you're better off addressing your concerns with a professional.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 08-Apr-13 11:15:08

If you're hoping for decent NHS treatment should an emergency occur, you must be honest during your antenatal care. Your husband deserves to be given the facts. Nothing else to add as I don't understand the medical intricacies of what you're describing.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Mon 08-Apr-13 11:15:08

Honestly, I think that amount of lying is ridiculous. Especially to our DH.

Just have the scans, be dated, and if you want to refuse induction then just say no. At least that way you'll get the proper monitoring, often alternate day scans and ctg, your baby will need to make sure he/she is ok.

No one can force you to have a c section, though it would be sensible to listen to the reasons why it would be advocated for you.

What you're suggesting is to deliberately mislead the professionals looking after you because you don't want to be considered overdue and at risk. Just be honest and have scans on the nhs and say no to any intervention you don't want. Anything else is a bit bonkers IMVHO.

I agree that lying is unneccessary. You can just have the usual tests if you want them, and decline a section if they offer one when you don't want one.

Chunderella Mon 08-Apr-13 11:21:34

I'd really want my care provider to know the truth, tbh. It's one thing lying to DH- you have the right to privacy after all- but your midwife really needs to know the score so she can properly look after you. You can always refuse induction and indeed CS if you want to, it's not like nobody's ever done that before. There are procedures for women who refuse, like expectant management, and they exist for a reason.

If DH won't come to the birth, what about a doula? As rubyslippers points out, there are some with particular interest in VBAC.

Refusingdating Mon 08-Apr-13 11:23:11

To be honest it's the pressure from my husband to have a booked c section which is my main worry, I am capable of saying no thanks to intervention when overdue to medical professionals, although very much disliked the pressure when i went 18 days overdue. My husband was furious with me for not following the advice. I could always drop out of the system altogether in late pregnancy I suppose.

catlady1 Mon 08-Apr-13 11:23:17

I think you should reconsider. If it was me, I know that if I did what you're suggesting and then something went wrong that could have been prevented by being honest with everyone, I'd never forgive myself. Maybe the risks of induction or a section do outweigh the risks of going over, but at least if you were to be induced or have a section you'd be in a hospital, hooked up to monitors with medical professionals around to deal with any problems should they occur. If something were to go wrong due to you being very overdue, you'd most likely be at home, and probably none the wiser until it was too late.

rubyslippers Mon 08-Apr-13 11:28:14

No one would advise you dropping out of the system in late pregnancy

You seem quite single minded and admit your DH was furious with you

Again is he worried about you?

Sanctimumious Mon 08-Apr-13 11:28:40

I can't believe you willingly went 18 days overdue. There are huge risks to the baby if you go more than ten days overdue. Ten days overdue is the absolute max i would ever dream of going for the baby's sake. you have done a lot of research about the risks but not sure if you're talking about risks to you or risks to the baby. They seem quite blasé in the UK about going overdue.

Refusingdating Mon 08-Apr-13 11:29:00

I should also say I am terrified of a section after 2 bad ones. Honestly though, if I don't lie, but just don't have the dating scan, what are the downsides of not having one?

Refusingdating Mon 08-Apr-13 11:30:42

The risks are not huge. I had daily monitoring and 2 x ultrasounds. Plus there is a +\- 7 day margin of error even with a 12 week dating scan and I thought by my dates I was not as overdue. Risk of scar rupture with induction or major operation were to me much more dangerous.

PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty Mon 08-Apr-13 11:31:35

Surely the best outcome of any pregnancy is a healthy baby? I honestly don't see what you are fighting against?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Mon 08-Apr-13 11:32:36

Please don't do this. The dating scans are important. This is how they ensure the growth and development is ok. With regards to due dates you can refuse hospital treatment at any point it's your prerogative BUT the facts are what they will use to Taylor the plan to fit you. If they are unaware if correct dates it could alter the treatment/monitoring you receive with potentially dire consequences. They don't go these things got the fun of it.

Refusingdating Mon 08-Apr-13 11:32:40

And natural pregnancy is up to 42 weeks and 10 days is often the earliest hospitals will consider induction. But anyway, my husbands main problem is not danger to me but he has no belief that my body is capable of a natural birth and is very disparaging about even trying as he thinks it is a waste of time and I will go through pain for nothing.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Mon 08-Apr-13 11:33:11

If its just your DH that's the issue for you, then just ask for all your notes/scans etc to be kept fully confidential.

Maybe you could reach a compromise with your DH? Agree to ELCS if 2 weeks overdue? Its his baby too, and though you obv get to make the decision, quite rightly, I do think you should take his views into consideration. As suggested above, I suspect he's worried about you and the baby??

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Mon 08-Apr-13 11:36:02

Sorry, cross posts. Consider a doula for vbac perhaps, or get DH to go with you to a consultant appt where he can actually hear the facts. I can see why his attitude would upset you but I wouldn't lie to my health care professionals, v dangerous.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 08-Apr-13 11:36:28

I feel very sorry for your husband. He must have been really frightened that your gamble wasn't going to pay off.

Refusingdating Mon 08-Apr-13 11:37:09

He started singing "you're fucking mental, you're fucking mental" to drown out the last attempt I had at a reasonable discussion with him. I may tell him I don't want him to come to any appointments because of his attitude but he will want to come to the scan, so I don't know how I get round not telling him the date I'm due.

ShowOfHands Mon 08-Apr-13 11:38:45

I'd just accept normal care and refuse any bits you don't want like induction or cs. Routine antenatal appointments at the appropriate time are very important.

You need to explain a bit more about what your dh is concerned about? Have you had a proper conversation looking at the actual statistics?

I had a v supportive consultant when I tried for a vbac and I was v clear about what I would consent to post dates.

Refusingdating Mon 08-Apr-13 11:39:18

He's not the one who has to be cut open though is he, shatners, nor was he assaulted during the last time he was cut open with inadequate pain relief hmm

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